


Fake Protagonist

by Bereee



Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [4]
Category: Thai Actor RPF, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF, รักไม่ระบุสถานะ | Dark Blue Kiss (TV) RPF, รุ่นพี่ Secret Love | Senior Secret Love (TV) RPF, สามเราต้องรอด | 3 Will Be Free (TV) RPF
Genre: Crying, Dancing, Fear, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene, Sex, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 73
Words: 82,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bereee/pseuds/Bereee
Summary: Missing scenes and different points of view from my storyJust to love you. Read it first, I am sure you will like it!
Relationships: Arm Weerayut Chansook/Toptap Jirakit Kuariyakul, Joss Way-Ar Sangngern/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Mike Chinnarat Siriphongchawalit/Godji Tatchakorn Boonlapayanan, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Series: GMMTV_actors_fanfics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783003
Comments: 215
Kudos: 88





	1. Introduction

Hi people! Here you can find the “missing scenes” from my story [Just to love you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644341). You really should have read it first to understand what is going on. Every scene will have their own chapter, so the lengths vary a lot. Sometimes it’s just a snippet of what happened when Off wasn’t around, but some will also be longer. Especially concerning my side couples JossTay and ArmToptap I will invest some more time. Next to the chapter names, I will put in brackets the number of the chapter of the main story to which the extra scene belongs. I hope you will like it!!


	2. To get started (1) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next to the chapter names, I will put in brackets the number of the chapter of the main story to which the extra scene belongs.

Gun loved being an actor. It has always been his dream and luckily he was able to live it since childhood. After some little roles in outsider movies, his big career started in 2016 when he got the role of Rome. Gun was so happy to play in this series! Plus his acting partner was really hot, so he enjoyed the time even more. He didn’t know this Off Jumpol before, but he did a good job and after a while they became friends. Off was straight though, and so he wasn’t that happy with all the skin ship Gun was giving him. Nonetheless the younger one couldn’t have been dissuaded from cuddling and kissing his acting partner.

The two became really popular and when filming the second season some things changed. Gun never wanted something like this to happen, but their closeness caused Off’s girlfriend to break up with him. Off came to him to talk about it. Gun was a little helpless, but he tried to help Off and find the right words. It worked somehow, but still Gun experienced the whole ‘playing a gay couple’ differently, since he was simply gay. Did Off knew that? Gun never made a secret out of it nor did he rub somebody’s nose in it.

So the time passed and Gun was happy where he was. He even won a fucking award and was about to start filming a new series with Papii!! Yeah Papii. They became really close friends and Gun couldn’t imagine his life without him.

As Gun discovered what the new series was about, he laughed. His plot with Off was indeed similar to their previous character development. Why was he always so dumb and fall in love with the straight friend? Pathetic. But at least there was some challenging acting coming along with his role. 

Gun was a good actor and so he could switch emotions on and off really quick and separate his real feelings from Third’s. Nonetheless he often wanted to have a hug after scenes like the one they filmed today. Off was standing there and sympathetically looking at him. So he stepped to him and slung his arms around him, hoping that Off wouldn’t step away and return his touch. He did. Gun smiled and felt that Off needed the hug too.


	3. A kiss (2) POV Gun

Gun was sure the kiss scene would be challenging. He remembered how shy Off was back then at ‘Puppy Honey’ when he just needed to share a little peck with him. But this time real kissing was involved and even more than once! So Gun pulled Off to the other corner of the room and said: “I just want to say, please don’t think too much Papii. I know that you feel unease about kissing me or let’s rather say about kissing a boy.”

“No! I mean I don’t bother soooo much.” Off seemed really flustered. “I would bother more if it was somebody else, but with you it’s fine. I know you and…and trust you.”  
Gun smiled now and was so happy about Off trusting him.

“I’m glad to hear that. Also please don’t hesitate to kiss forcefully, the scene demands intensity. I don’t mind and please don’t feel bad again for me. It’s my character who doesn’t return the kiss and is hurt, not me.” 

Off nodded and suddenly he got called by the makeup artist and left.

“If it was me, I would always return the kiss.” Gun said to himself and knew Off didn’t hear it. Yes of course he would love to kiss Off! How wouldn’t he. Off was so handsome and sexy and Gun was only a man with needs too. If Off wasn’t such an important person to him and if his whole career wouldn’t depend on them, he would have already long ago tried to get him to bed.

The scene was harder than Gun expected. Somehow Off’s breath was tickling him and they needed to start again. Then it worked and Gun was surprised by Off’s kiss. It was a really demanding one and the way he held Gun’s wrist above his head somehow overwhelmed Gun. And shit, did Off feel good! He wanted to kiss back badly, but he just couldn’t.  
At some point Gun needed to giggle again. Why was he so unprofessional today?

Okay, concentration now. His character was heartbroken, and he needed to cry now, so better not thinking about how exciting this kissing was. 

Everything went smoothly and after the cut, Gun wiped his tears. As he looked at Off, he saw his friend was staring into the wall behind him, frozen.

“Papii? Papii, Papii!” Only after grabbing his arm, Off looked at him and said with a weak voice: “Yes?”

“We can leave for now. They need to check if they have the right angles and then we might redo some parts. Come, I need some food in the meantime.”

Gun grabbed his hand and still wondered why Off was so absentmindedly. As Off pressed their hands stronger together Gun turned around to look if everything was alright, but the older one only smiled. 

_Weird._

Gun was hungry and so he ignored Off’s unusual behavior for now and started eating.

The little conversation he had with Off while eating was as strange. Did Off call Gun cute? In private? It was rather normal for them when being at an event or having an interview to play with the audience, but not here. He just hoped Off was okay with the kiss and so Gun hugged him in the end to show that everything was still the same…for him at least.


	4. Afterwards (3) POV Gun

After the little break Gun put out his phone to check his social media and only casually heard the director saying that it was all done and they could leave. He was about to stand up from the cozy beanbag he was chilling on, as he saw Off about to leave the room with all his things. Gun panicked and ran after him.

“Papii why are you leaving so fast?” Off seemed to look for words but then he said with a husky voice: “Sorry I forgot I have something to do. I’ll call you.” And he smiled one of his Off typical smiles. 

Gun knew he lied. Still he pretended to believe Off and pressed a little kiss on Off’s cheek. As Off was out of the room, Gun sighed and sat down again. He wiped his face and was sure Off did mind what happened today. Also if he said he was fine, the look in his face after the kiss was so obvious confusion and resent. Hopefully he wouldn’t panic more and blame Gun in the end, they still had to kiss some more!

Gun called a taxi to drive him home. He actually planned to ask Off if he could sleep over since they had to shoot again tomorrow afternoon, but that matter resolved itself as Off left so quickly. Gun was a little concerned, but as soon as he got a message from Olive he grinned.

_Out for a drink with your girls tonight? ;)_

_Of course! I’ll be home soon and get changed. Let’s say in 2 hours at the usual place?_

_Perfect! Dress yourself sexy and emphasize your booty, some friends of Jil’s will be coming and they are hot ;)_

Gun just send a heart back and while sitting in the car he grinned dirty and already was looking forward to a hot night.


	5. A friend (3) POV Tay

Tay was chilling in his apartment just scrolling through his phone. Suddenly it knocked and Tay went to the door really curious who might be there. As he saw Off, he was happy but he knew something was wrong, since his friend never visited without telling.

“Hey what is going on?”

“Can I come in?”

Off sounded desparate and after a first shock Tay moved to let his friend in. As they went to the couch Tay’s thoughts were racing already and thinking about possible incidents that happened. Off was totally out of character because he just fell on the sofa. 

Tay asked if he wanted to drink something and quickly went to the kitchen.

What he found when he returned was a totally wrecked Off and said: “Off please sit up, drink and then tell me what happened.”

He touched Off‘s back and caressed his friend a little bit. Although Off didn’t like skinship so much, Tay knew in such moments also this grumpy man needed some comfort. The thing that then even surprised Tay, was, that Off rose and fell into his arms. He put his head into Tay’s chest and circled his arms around him. After a short surprise, Tay reciprocated the hug. He would never hesitate, because he loved hugs and touching, and was happy that this guy finally also let him touch.

After a few moments Off rose and sat normally on the sofa next to Tay. There was silence, so Tay reached for the juice and handed it to Off, who took it and drank a sip. Tay was hoping Off would start to talk himself, but it didn’t seem so.

“I don’t want to hurry you, take your time and then please tell me what happened. I am a little worried.”

“It’s nothing important, I just didn’t know where to put my thoughts.”

“I am really sure that it IS something important, otherwise you wouldn’t act so out of character. Man, you just hugged me! I am not complaining, on the contrary I enjoyed it, but it’s still weird.” Tay enjoyed it indeed and somehow hoped Off would seek consolation in his arms again.

Off closed his eyes.“Ok I’ll tell you, please don’t freak out.”

“Waaaait has is something to do with me?” Tay was shocked. What did Off do? Did he discover something? Shit, did anybody talked shit about him?

“Nooo no! You did nothing wrong. Sorry for the wrong formulation. I just don’t know how you will react to this.” This didn’t calm Tay down a lot.

“Ok now I’m interested. But be assured there is next to nothing that I won’t support you in. As long as you didn’t murder anybody.” They both laughed a little bit and Tay was proud to have made Off laugh.

“It is so strange, but it seems I like Gun.”

_What?_

“Wait what do you mean by ‘like’? Of course you like him, he’s your friend and you are really close.”

“No, I like him in another way, you know, the romantic way.”

_Whaaat?_

Tay didn’t know what to reply. Did he hear right? His best friend, straight as a line, said he liked a guy? And even more his on screen partner for over 3 years? What was happening…Tay felt a little beeping in his hears. _Calm down…this must be all a joke._

“Are you joking?” Tay smiled a little bit. But as he saw Off’s sad and disappointed face he felt hurt and became serious again.

“Man, are you serious? I’m sorry, please don’t be sad. I just couldn’t believe it at first.”

Off explain what he experienced today at the shooting. Tay nodded and reached for Off’s shoulder to show some support. Although this revelation was a real shock for Tay and he had a lot of questions in his mind, suddenly he understood that the two were so perfect for each other. But it wouldn’t be easy…

“Ok, your situation is bad. You know what you two do for work and I don’t know if an actual relationship would be tolerated in the company.”

“Oh my god, please don’t talk about relationship already, I still need to get the fact that I like a boy. Are you not shocked or grossed out?”

_Grossed out?_

“No why should I? We are fucking BL actors, how could somebody of us be homophobic or against it?”

“I didn’t mean it that way. Of course we support it and have no problem with people being gay, but really experiencing it now is different.”

“Okay I get that you are a little shaken, since you always believed to only like girls. For me it wouldn’t be so shocking, because I always say: I take it as it comes.”

“…take it as it comes.” Tay looked at Off surprised. Did he talk about his open mindedness so often?

“Okay so I should accept it. Fine. But what now? I acted so weird around Gun after my realization, how should I go on?”

Tay couldn’t help but be the one to smile now. It was inappropriate, but he thought back at all his imagined scenarios of them becoming more, where it was always Gun who falls in love with Off first. “Maybe he’s also in love with you. He sometimes acts that way, all that kissing and touching.”

“I don’t know.”

“And in general, he is likely to be gay. I mean look at him. We all do makeup, but he is a beauty queen. Also his roles in gay movies at a rather young age, lead to the thought that he might actually like guys.”

“Even if it is that way, why should he like me? I am not good looking or especially nice. He could have really hot guys, with muscles, who are sure about their sexuality and experienced in doing…things with guys. I stand no chance there.” 

What bullshit was Off talking about?! Off was such a nice guy and Tay couldn’t think of a more handsome guy in his circle of friends. Not everybody wanted muscles and perfect faces. Tay loved Off’s different look and style. Also he might not be as strong as others, but he had a lean body. Totally in his thought, Tay only noticed late that Off was crying.

“Hey, what are you talking, stop it! Shiiiit it makes you even cry.”

Tay was a little overwhelmed and helpless. He decided to forget about his restrains about not touching Off too much and pulled him in a tight hug. Now Off was crying a little more, but still in silence since he was visibly ashamed. Tay tried not to enjoy the hug too much. His friend was in pain and so he should shove off his feelings.

“You don’t need to hold yourself back. Cry if you need to, I am your friend and will always be. No matter who you love.”


	6. Best friend (4) POV Tay

Tay insisted that Off stayed overnight. He couldn’t convince him to take the bed though and so it was Tay who was lying in his bed, hoping that Off was doing okay on the couch.

The conversation he and Off had tonight was still dominating his thoughts. This was just unbelievable. Of course Tay somehow shipped his two friends, not least because they played such sweet couples in their series. But Tay never really thought they would end up together in real life. And if then surely Gun would fall for Off and not the way around.

“Aaaiii…” Tay exhaled silently and turned to lie on his side.

Why had Off to fall for Gun, if he ever showed interest in a man? Why not him?

Tay blamed himself, he never did anything about his feelings for Off. He wasn’t even sure if he really had a crush on him. It was this kind of need to touch him more and the desire to kiss him. He always wanted to have his first kiss with him. It would be better to kiss a friend anyway than with some potential girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Yeah, Tay was open for both. Not least because of Off. Indeed it was Off who made him clear that he liked boys too.

Now his chances were over and he really needed to stop with this little hope that was still inside him. Gun was one of his best friends too and the thought of his two friends being happy together, made him happy too, no question. It even brought a little smile to his face.

Tay checked his phone again, seeing that it was quite late already. He should really sleep.

But he didn’t and rose from his bed. He tiptoed to the living room and saw that Off was sleeping peacefully. Tay sighed and smiled. He really was afraid Off was still crying or at least being sad. Tay wanted to go to him and watch his sleeping face as he did frequently in the past, when they slept together somewhere. 

But he didn’t. It wasn’t good and now that it seemed that something between Off and Gun was about to change, Tay should step away and let their friend find happiness together.

The next morning Tay at first didn’t really remember, but as he reached the living room and saw Off sitting on the couch, still looking sad, he wiped his face and came closer.

“How are you feeling today?” Tay sat next to Off and gently touched his back.

“I am better, thanks. I think I overreacted a little bit yesterday. I mean, maybe it was just a misconception, after kissing Gun so much. Who knows, maybe I would think to be in love with you when we would snog around.” Off said with a laugh.

Tay was a little shocked about Off’s words, which made him swallow down his thoughts.

_Maybe we should try?_

He couldn’t propose it. Off could take it as a joke and laugh. Well then Tay would join. But Off could also take it seriously and react in a bad way. Or even worse, what if he would accept his proposal?! No good…

Tay eventually said: “I don’t know either. The best is you go on as normal and observe your feelings. I am going to make some breakfast.” So he rose and clapped Off’s shoulder.

In the kitchen he breathed out. Okay just stay calm. After a while he heard the shower going and to try not to think about all of this, he started cooking. He didn’t have a lot at home, so eggs needed to be enough.

“Off.” Tay knocked at the door. “I made some scrambled eggs, do you want something else? I would need to order it then.” Off opened the door and said something. Tay guessed it must have been about that he was fine with them, but he was a little distracted by Off’s beauty. He still had wet hair and only wore boxers and a undershirt. Tay turned away quickly and prepared the rest of the breakfast.

They ate in silence, until Off broke it with a question that made Tay choke.

“Why didn’t you fall in love with New? I mean, you two had had also some really intense kissing scenes and since you are open to be with a guy…”

_Whaaat?_

Tay inside was panicking again, but tried to stay calm. “What you are saying makes no sense. Just because I like also guys it doesn’t mean I fall for everyone I kiss. It’s the same as it is with straight people, not all actors kissing in movies or series fall in love. Off we are actors, it’s our job to pretend. It’s the same with this bad stereotype that a gay guy wants to fuck with all guys he meets. Bullshit. They fall in love as anybody.” Tay really talked himself into rage.

“Okaaaay, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

Tay realized how loud he became. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I reacted so deep right now. And to answer your question: I don’t know why I didn’t fall for New, but I didn’t and probably won’t in the future. He is really good looking, but I only see a good friend in him. Fortunately I didn’t, because he is straight.”

Off nodded and exhaled again. “Well you never know. Look at me.” They laughed again but inside Tay felt a little unease.

After doing the dishes, Off prepared himself for leaving. Tay didn’t want that, plus somehow he wanted to be at Off’s side today when he would face Gun again.

“You know what, since I have a free day today I will accompany you to the set!”


	7. The game (5) POV Tay

Tay was really convinced to help his friend. Off would shoot the kisses today and he just hoped for all involved people, that he would stay calm. So after finally getting out of bed, Tay ordered some food and curled up on the couch with a coffee and his laptop.

It was time for some research!

Who would be better informed about Off and Gun than their fans and shippers? Okay, so where to go… 

“Ahaaa, there is an OffGun group chat on facebook…okay looks good.” Tay quickly created a fake profile and clicked on the button _Join group_. Luckily it was open and so he didn’t need to wait for an acceptance message. 

He scrolled through the posts and found some sweet pictures, GIFs and videos about his friends. Some where really out of context and the things the fans interpreted seemed totally crazy sometimes. Did something like this exist about him and New as well? For sure…

But that wasn’t what Tay was looking for. He wanted to chat directly with some people to get help. After what felt like ages, he understood that there was a chat function which lead him to messenger. 

_users currently online: Babii2000, OffGun4ever, OurSky1201991_

Tay’s username was totally not fitting with the other three. What did he think choosing the sky and then Off’s birthday? Well it could be worse.

OffGun4ever: _@OurSky1201991 Hi are you neeeew?_

OurSky1201991: _Yes! Hi!_

OffGun4ever: _Sweet! We are always glad to have new friends! I’m Lucie and I’m 22. How about you?_

Babii2000: _OMG new person!! Hellooo dear! <3_

Tay was thinking hard. What should he say? Better pretending to be a teenage girl right? Omg what name should he take?? Tay was nervous and excited and pulled his blanket a little higher. His brain was suddenly blank…

OurSky1201991: _I’m Taya. Nice to meet you!_

Babii2000: _What a nice name! I’m Jules btw. So you are also big OffGun fan right?_

OffGun4ever: _Of course she is, otherwise she wouldn’t be here…_

Tay wanted to get some help quickly and so he tried to come to the point. He started typing but deleted again. What should he ask? _’Hey ladies, what would you do to make OffGun fall in love or at least see that they love each other?’_ That was dumb.

The chat went on as some other users joined the chat.

BabiiiiiiLover: _Hey new one! Are you reading fanfictions? I’m asking that every new person, since no one here is really into that…_

And then it hit Tay. That was perfect!

OurSky1201991: _Yes! I love them! I am even writing myself. That’s also the reason I’m here in first place. I need some ideas from you guys. In my story Off loves Gun but he would never confess, because he is to shy. Off and his friends don’t know how Gun feels, even are clueless if he is gay. So what could they do to make both speak?_

OffGun4ever: _First of all: GUN IS GAY. Look at him! No doubt!_

Tay chuckled. He thought so too, but he couldn’t be sure.

BabiiiiiiLover: _What an amazing idea!! Omg Off falls for Gun first? Who would have thought that! But Gun loves him secretly too right?_

Babii2000: _The only solution in this situation is alcohol, a lot of alcohol. And a game!! Like truth or dare!_

OffGun4ever: _But would Off and Gun play that? Not likely…_

Tay was a little unable to cope the chat right now, but he tried to answer.

OurSky1201991: _@BabiiiiiiLover well actually not, Gun might not like Off yet, but surely they will end up happily together._

OurSky1201991: _@Babii2000 yeah that sounds cool! Thanks, I will think about it! <3_

Tay was pretending to be a girl, so he could send hearts to other girls, but still it seemed strange and inappropriate. 

So a drinking game? Why not. Actually with the ending of the shooting of Theory of love they had a reason to go out and he would find a way to get Off to come along.

OurSky1201991: _I’ll write later again. Bye!_

Tay was thinking hard. He would never get Off and Gun to play a silly game with only him. So he needed to invite some more guys. He knew Mike, White and Earth already finished shooting, but could be available nonetheless today evening. Then he should invite Arm and New as well and maybe Toptap since he knew he was complaining sometimes not being invited to parties. Poor him, he was such a sweet guy!

So Tay wrote eagerly messages to all of them. 

While waiting for responses he thought of the game again. Even if all people agreed on playing, wasn’t it too suspicious if Tay out of the nowhere asked questions to Off and Gun about crushes and being gay? He needed to handle it more subtle. Maybe already prepared questions would be better. And then he needed to make it look randomly, but somehow managing to make Off get the right one…Yes! This sounded perfect! And he already knew who to ask about help.

_users currently online: Babii2000, PolcaaBabiiPerayaa, TayRhymesWithGay OurSky1201991_

Seriously?? TayRhymesWithGay? Tay shook his head at the new username he was seeing.

OurSky1201991: _Hello again! I need again help for my fanfiction. I decided Off and Gun will go drinking with their friends and now I need some questions for the guys. Remember I want to make them confess…_

Babii2000: _HOW EXCITING! Who will be there?_

Tay checked his phone and was surprised all his friends answered in the meantime and more surprisingly all had time except for Arm. Maaaaan! His other bestie was missing…

OurSky1201991: _Off, Gun, Tay, New, Mike, Toptap, White and Earth_

PolcaaBabiiPerayaa: _Uuuuuhhh…so many couples <3 What about Singto and Krist?_

Yeah what about them? They didn’t play in the series and weren’t around that much these days, so Tay somehow forgot about them? Upsiii. Tay felt bad but wasn’t in the mood to invite them too now.

OurSky1201991: _They have no time…_

Tay received in the following minutes around 50 question proposals and was deeply surprised by the creativity of these girls. 

PolcaaBabiiPerayaa: _I think the most tricky part is making Off confess. The question should be, if he ever had feelings for a friend or guy. But you can’t just put it to his questions because that would be really obvious. Off would hate his friend when he was forced to answer it that way. Rather he should draw this very card by chance (well in reality it wasn’t, but calculated) and so he might answer…_

Tay agreed, so this would be a little more complicated but still manageable.

As they came to Tay’s turn, he listened up.

TayRhymesWithGay: _Here comes my turn :) you could ask him about how he feels having his first kiss while shooting. I mean this is awesome! He is rather old and surely still a virgin. This guy is incredible!_

Tay blinked and swallowed then. Should he feel proud now? Surely not. But it was true. He just didn’t want to have sex with a casual person just to have done it. He wanted to do it with someone he loved and who loved him back. But will that person ever come…

OurSky1201991: _Yeah that sound fine!_

Tay checked his sheet where he took notes and found he was done. For some general questions he would surely come up with some more ideas.

OurSky1201991: _I’ll go now, ttyl!_

Tay found all these girls really friendly and was glad Off and Gun had such great fans.

It was already early afternoon and Tay quickly cooked some noodles before starting to make the cards. He loved being creative and was happily drawing and cutting, when he suddenly saw the time and was shocked! He needed to be in front of the shooting building in one hour to meet the others!

Tay showered as fast as he could and got ready. Well he didn’t need to look that good, since today was not about him, but Off and Gun and them hopefully having some development.

In the taxi Tay tried to mark the special card for Off with a little knit at the corner. He had no idea in which order they will draw, so he needed to check it in the club again anyway.

If Tay had known he himself would draw this card, he would have left it at home.


	8. More kisses (5) POV Gun

Gun was not nervous at all to film the kiss scenes. To the contrary, he was really excited and looking forward to it! So actually he needed to compose himself a lot, because he was way too motivated. As they were standing there facing each other, Gun again was thinking how handsome his Papii was, but also shy as fuck.

“Papii we have to do it together. I can’t do it by myself.” That made Off laugh but still he stood there looking unease. 

“I can’t start it. My role doesn’t allow it.” Gun added as he sensed how nervous Off was, since he touched his ears all the time.

Suddenly Off leaned down and kissed Gun. He just touched Gun’s lips with his own and started to kiss softly, but Gun immediately reciprocated the kiss. Fuck this felt so good! The last time they kissed Gun wasn’t allowed to kiss back, but now! He felt the kiss making him aroused but it was manageable so nobody would notice. They soon intensified the kiss and Off was turning his head to find a better angle. He captured Gun’s upper lip and grabbed his waist to pull his closer. This was hot! Gun needed all his self-control not to use his tongue since he wanted nothing more than taste Off properly. As fast as it started it was over already because Gun pulled away. He needed to, since it was written in the script. Gun was happy that Off seemed okay and managed to finish their scene.

“Very good guys, but we will do it another time. Just in case.”

Off exhaled and Gun saw he felt unease. He came to him and hugged him while the others got ready again. He whispered: “Thank you Papii for trying your best, although it’s hard for you.”

Gun was surprised that after a short moment, Off even lowered himself a little and hugged him back fiercely. Gun inhaled Off’s smell and placed little kisses on his neck as usual. Suddenly Off released Gun and stepped away. Gun understood it must have been too much for the older one again and was a little sad. But he didn’t want Off to feel bad and so he smiled immediately.

They did the scene again and it run smoothly as before. It seemed Off was a little more certain about what he did and so Gun could enjoy the kiss even more.

They got styled a little different in between the two scenes. Since it took Off longer than himself, Gun made himself comfortable in the cozy chair and opened his phone. He received a message from Olive.

_Hey biiitch <3 The guy from last week asked me to give him your number. You okay with that?_

_Uuuggh clingy type…what does he want it for?_

_Idk, maybe have fun together again or more ;)_

_I don’t want more, you can tell him that! :(_

_Don’t always react that way…okay maybe I should suggest him to write to you on IG, so in case you can block him._

_Okay that’s fine, I have nothing against another fuck, he was goooood ;-*_

_;) Are you shooting rn?_

_Yeeees_

_Ooohh with hot Papiiiiii <3_

_Shuuuut up, I need to go now <3_

Gun was so focused on his phone, that he didn’t notice Off coming to him, talking and leaving again. He made his way to the couch next to Off and was totally in the mood to kiss!  
“Come on, I want to kiss so badly.” The guy doing his hair was so slow and Gun was ready, wasn’t he? As Off looked at his lips with a determined look, suddenly Gun felt unease.  
“Don’t look at my mouth, I want to laugh.” 

Off leaned down, surprisingly being about to fulfill his wish and that was when Gun smiled again. Couldn’t he himself initiate the kiss? No of course not, it was Khai wanting to kiss Third.

Again Off leaned forward and finally their lips touched. They kissed for some seconds, only for Gun to start laughing again. What the hell?! Why was Gun so unprofessional right now? He hoped Off didn’t mind and so after a while they started again and kissed properly. 

Out of pure intuition Gun opened his mouth a little bit. Off could capture Gun’s lower lip this time, since they were at the same height. He loved this kiss so much! It was different from the last one but their characters where in a different stage of their relationship now, so it fitted.

The next step was to be pushed on the floor by Off. Gun again felt the urge to laugh and said: “I can’t.” 

“What can’t you?” Off asked seriously, went on and tried to push Gun on the floor beneath him. And it didn’t work properly. And again. 

Finally they made it and Gun lay there below Off, feeling really good this way. Gun pursed his lips as a joke and so he was positively surprised as Off place little butterfly kisses on his lips. This was not in the script, but the moment was perfect for it.

As they heard the cut, they both jumped up and screamed, the whole crew was cheering. They finally finished the series! Gun was so happy and jumping around, also Off looked really free as Gun looked at his friend. The two packed their things and as soon as they left the building with some crew members, they saw some familiar faces waiting for them.

“Woooohooo!” The group consisting of Tay, New, Earth, Mike, White and Toptap screamed.

“What are they doing here?” Gun asked Off shyly and hid half behind Off’s back. “Don’t know.”

After some hugs, Off asked about the reason all of them being here.

“We need to celebrate the end of filming of course. We booked a table in our favorite club.”

Gun was happy, partying was always perfect! As they saw Off being about to decline, Tay added: “No no my friend, today you have no excuse! I guarantee you will have fun!” He winked and even Gun knew that Tay had something on his mind.


	9. Let the evening start (6) POV Tay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I also added the POVs in the chapter title :)

Tay was somehow nervous. He was happy and looking forward to the evening, but his aim for this evening was not an easy one. It was also not so positive that Off didn’t like clubs and loud music so he surely felt unease from the beginning. Plus he didn’t drink a lot. Tay was not so sure anymore, if this would work out…

They ordered food. Thank God, because Tay was hungry! Although he had a good chat and playing around with New, he noticed that Off was watching Gun all the time, who was talking intensively with Toptap. He couldn’t help but feel bad for his best friend.

After the plates were taken away, Tay rose and went to the bar to buy a round of beer for everyone. While waiting he ordered a shot and drank it. As he came back to the table, he saw that New and Off were missing. Aaaaargh he wanted to cheers now and make Off drink, they didn’t have the whole night! 

“Where are these two?” Tay indicated on their empty places and Mike answered: “I saw Off pulling New to the toilets…”

Tay quickly made his way there. He felt already a little warm and relaxed from the small amount of alcohol he drank…

“Guuuuuys what are you doing, I came with the drinks and saw that my two favorite boys were missing. Come and let’s get drunk.” Tay grabbed them both by the wrist, but Off pulled away and said: “I was talking to New about Gun.”

Tay turned around and smiled. Well that was good! When New knew, he could get his help. “Great! Then I have someone who can help me with my plan. Off I need to talk to New, go back first please.” Tay started pushing him to the door and friendly but with fierce pushed him out.

“Plan? What plan?” Off asked but the door closed.

“New! So you know Off loves Gun?!” New nodded, still being dumfounded.

“Okay! I made this game, so that they would come closer to confess and it’s crucial that Off gets this very one card. So you help me right?”

“Yeah sure! Off seemed really to have deep feelings for Gun and of course I want to help them.” New smiled and Tay stepped forward to hug him. New hugged back, but then pushed him gently away feeling shy. He scratched his neck and Tay knew that there was something on his friend’s tip of the tongue.

“What is going on?”

“Well…Off told me that you are bisexual and I-” As he saw Tay furrowing his brows, New quickly continued. “Wait, at first I was a little shocked, nor rather surprised! I simply didn’t know…I don’t know how to feel. But I’m okay with it! Totally!”

Tay was still only listening to his friend. He knew New was not homophobic at all, but he could also understand that he might feel different now that he knew that the guy he kissed several times, potentially could have interest in him. Straight guys tend to panic about that…

“Hey man, calm down. Yes I am, but as long as you don’t freak out about it, for me everything is the same. Don’t ever have the fear that I will start having feelings for you.” Tay smiled and tried to make New feel assured.

“Okay! I’m glad…let’s go back, right?”

The evening was nice. They drank and finally Off was talking to Gun. He couldn’t really hear what they talked about, but Tay saw that Gun was not fully with Off, stealing glances to Toptap. What was going on there??

Tay’s attention got caught when Gun called the waiter. “For me please a Pink Margherita.”

Was Gun serious? Could he order something more feminine than that!? Tay couldn’t help but laugh and New joined him wholeheartedly.

The evening started to become weird as soon as Tay heard that Off was going to dance. What. The. Fuck. Off never danced voluntarily. Was this a good idea?

Of course the answer was no. Off returned to them with sloping shoulders and a sad face. Tay looked at the dance floor and saw Gun still dancing with Toptap and enjoying himself.

“Man, why did you leave Gun with his super sweet guy down there?” Tay asked and received no answer. “Come drink some more.” He gave Off a shot glass and filled some vodka in it. He did the same for himself and New.

After they all drank in one go, Off turned to the dance floor again, showing Tay his back. Although he and New continued talking, Tay still focused on Off. After a while he was worried.

“Off, Off!” Tay called his friend who didn’t respond at all. So he followed his gaze and saw what Off saw. He stood up quickly and turned to Off, only to see a tear running down his cheek. Tay felt his heart crush.


	10. Flirting (6) POV Toptap

Toptap was so looking forward to this evening! Finally some boys from GMMTV went partying and he was invited. He knew they didn’t invite him on purpose, but sadly he was just in no fix cast and only played small side roles. So when the wrapping of a series was celebrated he was not there. Plus he had no really close friends, like a gang, as others had.

He was surprised how talkative Gun was. He approached him already in the taxi and as they sat at the table in the club, he even sat next to him and not Off. Toptap was really happy and enjoyed Gun’s personality. He was cute and funny.

“Would you like to play the main cast in a series one day?” Gun was again starting a topic with him. 

“Yeah that would be awesome! But it doesn’t look likely to happen soon…”

“Cheer up! One day you will get it, you are so handsome and a good actor so it’s only a matter of time.”

As Gun said that, he placed his hand on Toptap’s under the table.

“Thank you, this means a lot to me.” Gun was such a pro and so his compliment were meaningful for Toptap. The next time Toptap looked around, he saw that Tay, Off and New were not any longer sitting at the table and wondered. He noticed Off looking a lot at him and Gun and felt a little bad for keeping Gun all for himself. But wasn’t it Gun who claimed him? Anyway Toptap actually didn’t want to spend his whole time with the little one, although it was really enjoyable. He wanted to meet his best friend, since she worked in this club and this was a great opportunity.

“I will go to the bar for a moment, I’ll be back later!” Toptap waved to Gun, who nodded and winked him. Wait, he winked? Huuugh. Toptap felt a little hot after that and additionally felt Gun’s gaze following him as he walked away.

At the bar he saw a guy and called him closer. “Excuse me, is Lida here?”

“Yeah she is, one moment sweetie, I’ll call her.” The waiter winked at him and left.

_Why is everybody winking today? And seriously?? Sweetie?_

Toptap wondered but then he saw Lida coming from behind and started grinning.

“Taaaaaap! Hey! She hugged him and he placed a little kiss on her cheek. “Hey girl!” 

They were best friends since childhood, but these days they haven’t seen each other for a while. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here with some friends from work and as I knew you work here, I decided to say hi.”

“So sweeeet! Friends from work? So the hot BL actors right?!” She grinned. Toptap knew how much she loved these shows and nodded. 

“Cool! So how are you doing?”

“Good! Nothing special happening in my life, but everything is fine. You?”

“Always the same here as well. I missed youuuu!” And she punched him friendly.

“I missed you too…we should go eating together again these days if you’re free.”

“Totally, I’ll text you! Now go back to your boys…is there someone you like?” She whispered and Toptap felt embarrassed. His cheeks were for sure reddish and he smiled dumbly.

“Heeyy, no there isn’t…well a few of them are hot, but it’s all fine.”

“Off is really hot, right? Is he also here?”

“Yes to both…”

They started laughing. “Okay I go know before this is getting too weird.”

They hugged and Toptap left. As he returned all were at the table again. Off took his chair next to Gun, but Toptap didn’t mind, he went to sit at the other corner to Earth.

Then Tay spoke: “So let’s toast again. First of all a cheers to the series and then of course to us, our friendship and to future projects!” They all drank and Toptap just felt really happy this moment. What bothered him a little was that, although Gun was talking to Off, he still threw glances to his direction. What was going on?

“Earth did Gun behave strangely while filming? Did something happen with Off? I am juts asking because he seems less attentive to him…”

“Hmm I didn’t notice anything strange.”

Their coversation was interrupted by Gun: “Guys who of you wants to go dancing with us?”

“Us? Does that mean Off will dance? Oh my what did you do to convince him!” White said laughing hard. "This is even more unrealistic than what Mike was telling me now. You would never belie..." Mike jumped up and covered White's mouth with his hand.

What did Mike and White talk about? He sadly didn’t listen the last minutes, since he was thinking about Gun’s behavior. 

But dancing? Always. “I would join.” Toptap said happily.

Tay and New exchanged a look. “Guys, come back soon, I have prepared a game for us.” 

Tay prepared a game? Interesting. Toptap was more and more happy about this evening!

Then they were standing on the dancefloor, a lot of people around them, but it was not too full. Toptap immediately started moving and felt the good music. He turned to Off and Gun who were also dancing. Well Gun was dancing, but Off only started swaying. Toptap saw that Off was not feeling comfortable and soon he observed Gun whispering something to his couple partner.

Suddenly Off’s face turned sad and he nodded, then he left the dance floor. What happened? Quickly Gun came to him and smiled.

“What is with Off?” Toptap asked concerned.

“Nothing! It’s just not his thing…”

The music here was good and this upbeat song made it easy to dance to. Sadly the following song was a slower, but sexier sound, preferably to dance to in two. Gun knew that too and came closer. Well Toptap was not so eager to dance close with Gun. He was his friend, no question, but he would prefer some tall hot guy who was his type.

But why not! Gun pressed his back to his torso and swayed. Toptap followed him and started roaming his arms and front. Gun laughed and so also Toptap was enjoying.

Then Gun turned around and looked at Toptap in an strange way. Then he came closer and whispered into Toptap’s ear. “I want you”


	11. Outing (6) POV Toptap

_throwback 2018_

Schoolrangers was a very popular show and so Toptap was so happy to participate at the Schoolympics. He was in team green and was happy with his color. He would have preferred to be in team violet, but also Leo, New, Gun, Lee, First, Jan, Guy, Drake and Phuwin seemed totally able to make his team have a lot of fun. 

They talked long and made jokes before the games actually started.

Toptap liked the rope jumping game a lot, although he was not the best it made fun and he didn’t mind that some of his mates failed. After the game they had a pause of half an hour and he talked happily with his friends. Every now and then Toptap glanced to the violet team to look at the handsome guy there.

“Toptap!” Gun came to him and smiled. “How are you doing?”

“Fine! And you?” Toptap made some space next to him and Gun thankfully sat himself.

“Saaame, I like the games so much and I’m glad so many friends are here.”

Toptap didn’t know what so say more and just smiled friendly. Then Gun continued.

“Sooooo I wanted to ask you something personal…”

Toptap looked up but indicated Gun to continue. “I wanted to ask- nooo wait I will tell you something first and then I will ask you! Okay?”

Toptap nodded.

“I am gay.”

Okay, that was unexpected. Toptap looked around out of pure instinct, to make sure no one was overhearing them.

“Oohh. Good to know!”

“So you surely know what I want to ask you…” Toptap knew of course.

“Yes. And my answer is yes too.” Gun started smiling. “I kneeeew it!! Great! Finally someone who is like me.”

After Toptap’s first shyness he was somehow now happy too. It was nice to know another gay guy who had not the aim to take him to bed. Gun was obviously a bottom and so they actually could become good friends.

“Yeah cool!” Gun came closer and hugged him shortly. Was he sweet!

“I’ll go to talk to Tay some more, but we talk later!”

So they did. It was really strange fro Toptap that right after the break, when they found their places at the grandstand, Gun suddenly took the place infront of him. Toptap didn’t bother at all, but was only surprised, especially that Gun leaned on his legs and made himself comfortable.

The rest of the show was full of fun but also demanding challenges.

“Bye Toptap!” As all of them left the building and their ways separated, Gun came to him and hugged him again.

“Bye Gun!” Toptap smiled and was really touched by that kindness.

“I’ll call you these days.”

He indeed did. Gun seemed to be totally fascinated to talk to a male friend about other guys, he explained to Toptap that his only friends, with who he could talk about this staff, were girls. For Toptap it was one of the first times at all to share this part with someone else, because he simply had no need to talk about some things. Nonetheless he appreciated it and the time went on and every now and then Toptap and Gun had nice chat about things other guys wouldn’t understand.


	12. The secret (6) POV Mike

The evening was sooo nice! Mike was really enjoying himself and actively talking his friends and colleagues. After a while Toptap started talking with Earth and so Mike finally could share something private with his good friend.

“Man I need to tell you something. Are you already drunk?”

“Uuuuh what is it? I’m totally sober!” Mike saw that he wasn’t, but still went on. “Okay. But this needs to be a secret. You know…there is this person I really like.”

“You have a crush?” White looked at him curiously. “Tell me! What’s her name? Do I know her?”

“Yes, you know her. But it’s complicated. Well I like her and we spend a lot of time together and so last time, I asked her, if she would like to go out eating with me.”

“Aaand??”

Mike smiled at White’s eagerness, but also smiled because he thought back.

“She said yes and we went on a date.”

“Maaaan! Great! And how did the evening end? Did you take her hoooooome…”

“Shut up, no I didn’t. I-- we only shared a short kiss…” Mike exhaled. “It’s difficult.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s Godji.”

White was silent this time but after a while he added: “Seriously? Wow coooool!”

“Cool? It’s not cool, it’s…I don’t know what it is. I just know that I really have feelings for her…”

“What more do you need! She likes you too obviously, just take her out on some more dates and the things you say are ‘difficult’ will find their way themselves.” White winked and took a sip of his drink.

Then Mike heard Gun ask: “Guys who of you wants to go dancing with us?”

“Us? Does that mean Off will dance? Oh my what did you do to convince him!” White said laughing hard. "This is even more unrealistic than what Mike was telling me now. You would never belie..." Waaaait! Mike jumped up and covered his friend’s mouth with his hand.

“I would join.” Toptap suddenly said friendly. Mike was thankful for Toptap somehow ignoring this strange moment and taking the attention again.

Tay added: “Guys, come back soon, I have prepared a game for us.” 

“A game?” Earth looked at Mike and White who were as clueless as he was.


	13. More flirting (6) POV Toptap

Gun turned around and looked at Toptap in a strange way. Then he came closer and whispered into Toptap’s ear. “I want you.”

Gun slowly let his hands run down Toptap’s body, resting them on his hip. Toptap swallowed. What was going on?

“Gun, I guess you had too much to drink…” Gently he released Gun’s hand from his body. “We are friends, we shouldn’t step over that line.”

“Why? Let’s have some fun!” Gun came closer again. Toptap stopped him and friendly took his hand. “No I don’t want to, please accept that.”

Gun looked at him, visibly pissed.

“Hmmm, okay. I’ll go back.” And so Gun left. What was this? Toptap somehow felt bad for making Gun angry, but on the other hand he needed to make that clear.

After standing like silly in middle of the dance floor, he also returned to the table and heard the guys talking about Tay’s game.

“Man, you prepared a real game?!” White was fascinated.

“Yeah I knew we would be a funny round and so I thought about designing a funny game, one fitting for us.”

Fun was what Toptap needed desperately right now, because his mood sank and as he looked at Gun staring at the table with a glass with alcohol in his hand, he knew the little one was not feeling any better.


	14. A question (7) POV Gun

_This bitch._ Gun swallowed. He shouldn’t think of Toptap that way, but maaaaan why didn’t he want him? Gun was not used to be rejected by a guy he wanted. 

The game distracted him a little bit from his thoughts because it was funny. As it was his turn, Gun noticed that he was drunker than he thought, because he had problems with reading the card.

“’Did you get aroused while filming the bathroom scene with Oab in ‘The Blue Hour’ or the shower scene with Off in ‘Puppy Honey’?’” What? 

“Should I answer if I got aroused in either of them or in which one of them?” Gun was confused.

“Just say as you want, how you felt in both.”

“Okay.” Gun thought back at both scenes.

It seemed like ages that he filmed the movie with Oab. But he remembered how much he loved that time. Oab was really cute back then, not as handsome as he was now. And hell yeah, their scene in the bathroom was really hot! They were touching each other’s body so much and were pressed together the whole time and then acting out the hand job and orgasm was also making Gun get into the mood even more. The shower scene with Papii was totally different. The environment was also such another. He and Off knew each other and were friends. They were naked though, except for some boxers, but there was no sexual tension at all. Gun really enjoyed seeing Off half naked but since they hardly touched, he felt like shooting any other scene.

“I enjoyed filming both a lot. If I have to choose which was more sexually arousing, I would say the one with Oab since we were having sex in the scene and in the shower we didn’t. But I also liked seeing Papii’s body that time, soo yeah.”

Did he reveal to much with his answer? Not really. If someone here wondered about what he meant, they could just ask him and he would not deny it.


	15. Drunk mind (8) POV Gun

The game went on and Gun started feeling bored. It was interesting to find out some secrets of his friends, but somehow he was just not in the mood. Then the topic even crossed sex and he looked at Toptap again, whose turn it would be next. 

Gun made a silent sound of disdain as Toptap didn’t answer to the question who he had last sex with and drank.

Gun didn’t really listen to the next questions for New and Tay, but rather still wondered what he did wrong. He should ask Toptap later again, maybe he didn’t understand what Gun asked or assumed he wanted a relationship! Not at all. All Gun wanted was to get fucked again. He was so horny tonight and that would be the perfect solution. Gun was sure that Toptap would enjoy as well, he always received compliments for his performance...

Gun drank again, whatever it was he had in front of him. Was it even his glass?

After a while it was his turn again and he had to share what he liked and disliked the most about himself. “I think my body is sexy, like my lips, but I don’t like my silliness sometimes, I just can’t stay serious in some situations.”

It was true. In the situation itself he didn’t notice that he acted weird or behaved childish. Only later when watching his shows or interviews he sometimes felt ashamed.

The round finished and to Gun’s joy some people started talking with each other. He saw the chance and said: “I think we should stop that game, it’s boring.” 

Most people nodded or just ignored Gun’s words. Suddenly Off next to him chuckled.

“What's so funny Papii?”

“Nothing.” 

Hmmm, Off seemed strange, but to be honest Gun didn’t spend many thoughts on him tonight. Did something happen that he missed?

“Sooooo, I suggest we drink another round and then we separate since I saw a nice group of girls dancing there and me and Earth plan on talking to them.” White was saying with a smirk on his face.

They all took another shot and as Earth stood up he asked: “Someone wants to join? New?”

“Yeah why not.” And he rose. ”Me too, I need some movement.” So Mike joined too, leaving Tay, Off, Gun and Toptap at the table.

Off changed place and sat next to Tay on the bench. Hmmm again strange, why was Off leaving his side? As Gun looked to his right, he saw Toptap rising from his chair, going to the toilets. Quickly Gun emptied his glass and stood up too. He tottered a little bit and his head was spinning. Nonetheless he was determined to talk to Toptap again and make him change his opinion!


	16. Secret crush (8) POV Tay

The game was fun! Tay didn’t imagine that it would be so enjoyable, but until now it was great!

After New’s question, whether he ever felt more for Tay, the latter looked at the pile of cards. He needed to take a general question now, so that Off will get the next general question, which was his intended card. Tay looked at New who nodded, seemingly confirming that the plan was doing fine.

But as soon as Tay read the question silently, he cursed inside. _Fuuuuuck._ Why did he get this!? This one was meant for Off, so he needed to confess, shit did he miscounted something?

“’Have you ever felt something more than friendship to one of your male friends?’” Tay read the question out load and hesitated. This was so bad. Not only that Off didn’t get this question, but he himself got it! He felt his face becoming hot, he didn’t want to drink, because he had already a lot and couldn’t take another shot. “Is it enough to answer yes or no?” Tay asked shyly.

“Hmmm. We would love to hear more if there is more to it, but it is a yes or no question so fine.” Tay didn’t know who said that but he was glad.

“Yes, I did. But I can’t tell more.” The guys were laughing a little, but Tay knew it was because if his behavior and not because of the answer itself. He looked down on his hands being afraid to look into Off’s eyes.

It was Off’s turn and he took a general question, as Tay predicted. Why did it have to go wrong?? Well it was too late now and he should rather enjoy the game again.

After some of the guys left the table to talk to some girls, Off changed place and sat next to Tay on the bench. “Do you want to talk about the question from earlier? Like the guy you like.”

_Oh shit…_

“Liked. Past tense, I don’t have feelings for him anymore, at least not in a romantic way.”

“Okay I hope he didn’t hurt you. How come your feelings changed back?” 

Oh man, did he really now have to talk about his feelings for Off with Off!?

“I don’t know. I even don’t know how they changed from friendship to more at a certain point. I just had the feeling that I wanted to kiss and hug him.” Tay really wanted. It started one or two years ago. He didn’t even know if he had a real crush on Off, but he wanted to do and try so many things with him. Hug him all the time, feel his touch and he was also so yearning to kiss him. 

“But eventually I found out that I love touching in general and maybe I just wanted more from him since he hardly gave me any.” Was Tay too obvious? Off was his only close friend who didn’t like touching so much, so actually he could guess what’s the case. 

“I never had hopes and I never had a broke heart at all. I think the turning point was when he told me he was in love with someone else. But I didn’t feel bad in any way, I was just happy for him and I support this love a lot.” Yes he was obvious as fuck. Nonetheless Tay genuinely smiled and so Off too. It was all as he said, he didn’t need to lie to Off. It was like an infatuation that lasted quite long. He never really intended confessing to him or asking him out on a date. First Off was straight, well that’s what he thought, and second he was his best friend since forever.

Tay saw a wondering and thoughtful look on Off’s face, but immediately his expression changed as he looked around the table. Tay followed his gaze quickly and felt it was too fast, since his head started spinning a little. He drank a lot tonight…

“I will be back.” 

Tay hardly heard these words, because he was suddenly really tired and places his head on the back of the bench drifting in a slumber.


	17. Too much (8) POV Gun

As Gun arrived at the bathroom, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Immediately he saw Toptap standing at the urinals and slowly approached him. The taller one only closed his pants when Gun grabbed around his waist and pressed his hands at his chest.

“Hey…”

“Gun?!” Toptap tried to turn around but Gun pressed his head at his back. Toptap’s body felt really good. Although he wasn’t so tall, he had some nice muscles and a good shape.

“Gun what are you doing?”

“Making you clear what I want…” Gun paused a moment. “I want you. To. Fuck. Me.” He added then whispering and slowly running his hand down Toptaps’s belly.

“I told you before that I’m not interested!” Toptap said loud and pulled Gun’s hands away. Only now he saw the little guy and what condition he was in. He was pale and Gun felt his head spinning some more.

“But I want to…” Gun reached out again and Toptap grabbed his wrist with some force before he could touch him again.

Suddenly the door opened with a loud bang and Off entered the room. Why was Off here now? Gun exhaled. This was not making it easier to seduce Toptap. 

“Off.” Toptap said with a serious voice. “Take your boy away please, he doesn’t know where the limits are.”

 _Your boy? I am not Papii’s boy!_ Suddenly Gun felt attacked by these words and became sad.

Off came closer, pushed Toptap away and pulled Gun to him. What was going on? Gun was totally confused. All he knew was, that he was pulled out the bathroom by Off and the next thing he realized, was sitting on a bench on Off’s lap outside the club and being still horny as fuck.


	18. The end of the evening (9) POV New

“Tay! Taaay!” New shook his friend to wake him up. 

“Huu?” Tay rubbed over his face and opened his eyes.

“Let’s go home… Most left already, it’s only me and Earth left.”

“Wait! What? Off left too?”

New was thinking hard and trying to remember. “With Gun I think…”

Tay hmphed and rose. They paid the rest of the drinks which were still not paid and the three guys left the club, still being drunk.

“Guuuuys I love you so much!” Earth hugged both his friends from behind.

“Let go Earth! I want to go home, where are the taxis?” New sounded pissed and pushed him away. 

“Sorry…” Earth seemed defeated and Tay felt sorry for him.

“Hey don’t mind him, he is drunk and frustrated…”

“Meee? Pfff shut up man…” Why was Tay saying that? Yeah, he wasn’t that happy with his private life, but still he didn’t need to remind him.

Tay and Earth looked at New, surprised by his attitude. They walked in silent for some time until Earth was in a good mood again and nearly screamed: “Taaaaay! So I discovered today a lot about you…”

_Me too…_ New thought and was still a little confused about his discovery in the bathroom. Tay liked boys. Well also boys. New didn’t know why this information hit him so hard. He had no problem with it, not at all. He wasn’t afraid Tay would approach him inappropriate or anything. Also he was still not interested in him. He really wasn’t. Probably he needed some more time to fully grasp this.

“…love it. It’s just sooooo good!” New tried to follow the conversation between his friends again.

“Yeah as soon as I find the right person, I won’t say no.” Tay said adorable as he was.

“Man you are so innocent. That makes you even cuter!” Tay looked at Earth a little surprised but the taller one just went on smiling. His friends were so crazy, New thought, but he wouldn’t change them for anything.

“Sorry for my behavior before…” He whispered then.

“Ooohh New that’s long forgotten, don’t worry!” Earth let go of Tay, who he hugged all the time and New found himself in his hug.

“Thanks guys!”

“So let’s hurry up, I am cold.” Tay said and he sounded already a little more sober than the other two.

“I will hug you again to warm you!!” Earth changed person again and continued walking with an arm around Tay’s shoulder and one around his waist.

“If I didn’t know it better, I would say you want something from Tay.” New said it more to himself, but the other two heard it.

Earth grinned. “I don’t. But he surely is my man crush!”

New saw that Tay felt flustered but also a little shy. New didn’t know what to reply and so he just hmphed. 

“Finally!” They reached a taxi and decided to bring Earth home first. The big guy fell asleep as soon as he sat in the car and the other two struggled kicking him out of the car when they reached his house. 

“Byeeee! Take care, love you!!”

“Earth is such a sweet-talker when drunk.” Tay said as soon they were driving again. New laughed silently and nodded.

“I hope Off and Gun came home safely.” Tay said thoughtful.

“I am sure they did. Maybe Off did some progress with Gun…”

“BY THE WAY! How come Off didn’t get the right card in the game?! Weren’t you paying attention as well?”

New looked shocked at the sudden change of topic and mood.

“I did! Maaan I have no idea how this happened!”

“Hmm okay, but I was so shocked…”

“So… If you want to talk about that crush of yours, you know you can always come to me.” New reached out to touch Tay’s hand and the other one smiled.

“Thanks, Off already talked with me and proposed the same. I told him already, that I am over that guy. I am really fine!”

After that they sat in silence until Tay left the taxi, hugging New for goodbye.

The rest of the drive many things were going through New’s head. He tried to shake them off and focusing on the fact that he loved his friends as they are, their sexuality didn’t change a thing about that.


	19. Hookup (9) POV Gun

He shouldn’t do that. Off was important. He couldn’t do something stupid and make things complicated…

Gun was sitting there, on the lap of his best friend and working partner and fighting with himself.

_Oh fuck it!_

“I want you.” 

Gun said and kissed him. Oohhh yes! He wanted to do for so long already…

Not being totally aware of what he was doing, Gun just kissed and touched what he could reach. He was so dizzy and nearly on the edge of needing to vomit, but his dick thought otherwise. He just was so fucking horny that he would jump at every guy in reach. 

The moment Off kissed back and even initiated a second kiss, Gun was glad. 

_Papii likes it…_

Though drunk, a thought reached Gun’s mind. They were outside where every second a fan could see and film them.

“We are outside, we cannot…” Gun struggled speaking. His lips were swollen and his mouth really dry. “Let’s go to your apartment.”

Gun was not really aware how they came to Off’s apartment in the end, but he found himself pressing Off at the wall and pulling his head down for a kiss.

“Papii…”

Somehow Gun managed to instruct Off to lift him up. He liked it that way a lot and felt the blood run downwards. The kiss was so intense, Off’s belly was rubbing over his hard dick all the time, so that Gun wanted to move to a bed soon.

Off had a worried face suddenly because he seemed to realize what they were about to do and Gun rolled him eyes in his mind. He wasn’t actually out to teach a newbie how to have gay sex, but now he wouldn’t stop either…

“Don’t worry, I will help you.” Gun kissed Off to calm him down. “Carry me to the bed.”

As he lay there, Gun again had little black outs, he felt dizzy but still knew what he had to do. His hands found the body of the guy over him and started roaming over the hot skin. The shirt was in the way and he instructed the guy to undress them.

Gun’s mind switched off and he acted automatically, sitting up and sucking Off’s nipples.

Off? Oh yes he was with him, Gun forgot. He looked up and saw his friend drunk with lust. Gun wanted to see other things too and reached out to touch the bulge in Off’s trousers.

“Take them off, I want to see you.”

Off did and Gun tried to get rid of his trousers too, managing after some struggles. He looked up and saw Off wearing wide boxer shorts. Gun was not used to see the guys he went to bed with wear them. Tight ones were more common in his area.

So Gun leaned back a little and presented his body to Off. He knew that the outlines of his hard dick were visible, but he wanted to make the older hot as fuck for him. Instead of finally going down to business, Off stood there with an admiring look.

Also if Gun really enjoyed being looked at, he became impatient, Off was so inexperienced for fucks sake! “Papii stop being so shy…it turns me off, just do something.”

Off mumbled something and so Gun decided to make matters into his own hands. He turned them around and sat on Off’s lap. He started rubbing his ass on the other’s already full hard cock and enjoyed seeing the consequences of his doing. Gun leaned down to kiss again and whispered then: “I want you to fuck me, please.”

Off still hesitated and so Gun pulled down their boxers. If he wasn’t being fucked really hard really soon, he would get angry. Shortly he looked at Off’s dick and found they had the same size. Gun liked it, he knew he himself was big for his height, but he never really thought about Off’s dimension if he was honest.

Okay, lube and condoms. Did Off have them? Gun didn’t ask and just went to his bag and grabbed one of his protections he always carries along. _In case I meet someone nice…_

His head was still killing him and talking wasn’t easy. “Do you have lube here?”

Off gave it to him and Gun resumed caressing the older one’s body. 

_Papii won’t we able to prepare me…aaaargh more work…_

So Gun distracted Off by giving him a blow job. It was not hard, he easily sucked and swallowed till he reached the base. He heard the sounds coming from his friend and hoped he won’t come to soon.

Meanwhile Gun opened the lube and put some on his fingers. He reached back and started to prepare himself. He did it often, also while masturbating he loved having some stimulation there as well.

He should actually go on until three fingers fit, although he was sure it could go this way too. But from experience Gun knew he overestimates himself when being drunk, also because he had a lower pain level in this circumstances, and so he could be in pain the next day, what he didn’t want.

Then he nonetheless decided that it was sufficient and released Off’s dick from his mouth, which was wet and red after his sucking. He quickly opened the condom and pulled it over.

“Gun…” Whatever objection Off had now, Gun silenced him with a kiss. He opened the lube again and put on some on Off’s dick. He stroked some more times and then positioned himself above him.

“Gun wait, it will hurt you.” _No it won’t. It will make me feel wonderful._

Slowly Gun was going down and felt Off’s tip enter. Then he sank further and finally was filled. Gun threw his head in his neck and stayed this way for a little while before he started moving up and down. Never fully letting Off slip out.

“Aaahh yes!” Gun screamed as he found the right spot. 

Shortly after, he felt Off coming. Aaargh, he was so close. Shit. Gun reached in front and stared stroking himself to come too, before Off became soft again.  
“Just a little more, Papii…” he moaned.

Suddenly Gun felt a hand at his and opened his eyes. Off was looking at his determined and so he let him do what he wanted. And fuck it was good! Gun came with a groan and stopped moving. He was breathing hard now, licked his lips and slowly raised so Off slid out of him.

“Ahh...” both Gun and Off whimpered at the loss.

Gun in the took a handkerchief and cleaned Off’s hand and his stomach provisionally, then he lowered himself to lie half on Off. 

Sex was what Gun wanted tonight and so he was satisfied now.

He became really tired suddenly and only placed a small kiss on his hookup’s neck and fell asleep.


	20. Ignorance (10) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my little story ["Our sky"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25515118). It isn't OffGun but I am sure you will like it!

Gun woke up. Somebody was putting the blanket over him and moved next to him. Wait was this Off!? Gun stayed motionless and tried hard to think about what happened yesterday. Shit! He and Off fucked. That was really bad…how could he allow that? He must have been really drunk yesterday. 

Off turned to him but Gun was still thinking. Then, as Off started caressing his cheek, Gun came back to reality and placed his hand on the other’s.

“Hey…” Off could hear some shyness in Off’s voice.

“Hey Papii…” Gun didn’t know what to say and moved a little. He felt some light stinging in his ass and a little stickiness on his belly. He should clean himself properly and so he got up to to go to the bathroom, but Off stopped him by gripping his wrist.

Off was worried. Unnecessarily in Gun’s opinion, so he tried to calm him. Finally, Off let go and Gun entered the bathroom.

He took a short shower just with water, making sure he was more or less clean. In the meantime, he thought about what happened. Or rather why it happened. Was Off so drunk to sleep with a guy?? Gun was so confused. He only hoped they were fine and Off wasn’t afraid Gun wanted something more from him. This fuck was an accident and hopefully Off wouldn’t freak out. They should talk it out right now.

So Gun returned, naked as he went, and as he was in bed again, immediately asked: “Are you okay?”

Off looked at him confused. “Should it not be me asking you if you are okay? Did I hurt you?”

Gun smiled inwardly. “No not at all, I am used to it.” He winked, hoping Off understood the implication.

“So you…you are gay?” Oh God. Off really didn’t know…

“Yes, I thought that was pretty obvious. I know we never talked about things like that…I hope you don’t mind me liking guys and it will not stand between us.” Gun meant what he said. If Off couldn’t handle it, it would hurt him a lot.

“No! Of course not! You are still the same as before, at least mostly. You have a wild side in you, little devil…” Off smiled and Gun joined, being relieved.

“I am glad you take it easy. I was shocked when I woke up and remembered we fucked…I mean it really was my intension to get laid yesterday, but not with you.” Gun giggled. 

Thinking that he landed in bed with Off, after all these years, was just strange and nothing he aimed for.

Off was silent for a while. Gun didn’t know what was going through his mind, so he was silent as well.

“So you wanted something from Toptap right?” Off asked then unsurely. Gun decided to be honest with Off.

“Yeah! I mean look at him, he is sweet and so mysteriously at the same time. I know he is gay, so I thought we could have some fun. But this little fucker thought it would be a bad idea and refused me!” He didn’t mean it so bad as it sounded, but it was true and still he didn’t forgive Toptap for that. Gun changed topic and returned to their current situation.

“Are you really okay with what happened? I mean, it was your first time with a guy, right?”

Off only nodded and smiled. 

_Thank God Papii took it well!!_ Gun was relieved again and smiled back.

“Great! I would never forgive myself if things changed between us now because of this accident.” And Gun snuggled closer and hugged Off. Off was indeed his best friend, Gun was so lucky to have him.

“Let’s lay down some more Papii.” And so Gun pulled them both down, placed his head on Off’s chest before falling back asleep.


	21. The condom (11) POV Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for my friends, who made fun of me while reading, because I forgot about the condom.  
> So here you go ;)

Off closed the door behind Gun and felt numb. 

After a shower and a lot of shed tears, he returned to the bedroom to find everything still in a mess. He couldn’t lay down there again, without tidying up a little.

So Off changed the bedsheets, although they seemed clean, and opened the windows widely. Then his gaze wandered to his little bedside table where he spotted a used condom. 

_Fuck._

Off felt a little sick thinking back. But he had no choice and took a tissue to grab it. Fortunately nothing ran out, since he even didn’t knot it. He indeed was totally out of his mind yesterday.

After all evidences were removed, he just returned to bed and lay down. He felt his heart aching and his head hurting like hell.

After some time his doorbell rang. At first he just wanted to ignore it, but after a second ringing he stood up and ambled to the door.

To his surprise he saw Toptap standing there, smiling as always.


	22. Make things clear (11) POV Toptap

Toptap left the group right after the incident in the bathroom. It was unbelievable! Why did Gun do this? They were such good friends and the last years he never made any attempts in this direction ever. Why now?

As he arrived at home, he took a quick shower and then went to bed.

Although he felt really sleepy, his thoughts couldn’t rest yet. This happening was burdening him. Gun was a very important friend and Toptap hoped everything would be fine when they see each other again. He could easily forgive him, since the little one was drunk and surely didn’t know what he was doing.

What troubled Toptap more was Off. Rather the impression he got when he entered the bathroom and found him aggressively talking to Gun and even holding him. What if Off thought he harassed his friend??

“Shiiit!” Toptap said into the silence of the room and turned to lie on his belly. He inhaled the fresh scent of his pillow and closed his eyes.

He liked Off a lot and didn’t want the older one to have a bad impression of him.

He really liked Off a lot. 

He was so handsome and funny.

He was also straight.

Before he could think more about this, he must have fallen asleep, because the next time Toptap woke up it was late morning.

Since he had nothing to do today, he made himself a chilly start in the day. He found some food in his fridge and sat on the couch to check his phone.

Although he was busy checking messages and mails, his mind constantly wondered back to Off. He should talk to him. Make clear what really happened and ask how Gun was doing.

He styled himself a little and made his way to Off’s apartment. He was never there but some months ago he shared a taxi with some guys and before he himself was dropped off at his house, Off was brought home. Plus Off lived in the same condo as Arm.

Thinking of which, as Toptap entered the door to the big skyscraper, he saw his friend.

“Hey Arm!”

Arm turned around a looked confused. “Toptap…?” Said came closer and was not sure if he should hug him. Arm stood there totally shocked, so he only smiled. Toptap looked at him thoroughly and saw that he was dressed really casually and had messy hair. 

“Where are you going?”

“Only in the basement to get some staff…” Arm sounded shy and so Toptap didn’t want to bother him any longer. He really needed to talk to Off now.

“Oh okay, well then good luck and have a nice day!” Toptap petted him on the shoulder and was going away, when he heard Arm say something. But as he looked again at him, the older one turned around and left hurriedly.

As he reached the right floor, he exhaled, checked his appearance and started smiling. Then he knocked.

Silent. He waited for some time, but then he knocked again. Was he still sleeping?

Then the door was opened and a very sad looking Off appeared.

“Hey Off! I hope I don’t disturb you.”

What followed was a very intimate talk. Toptap was glad Off opened up to him, at least a little bit. Off was in love with Gun? Weird. Toptap was shocked if he was honest with himself. The two even slept together! Well, after how he experienced Gun yesterday it was no surprise that things ended that way. 

Toptap was slightly jealous, but he wanted to be a good friend for Off and so he tried to be there for him.


	23. The start of something (11) POV Tay

This new series was just awesome! When Tay was offered the role, he was a little skeptical, because he was not so sure if all the action and fight staff would fit him. His fans knew him as sweet boy, who always laughs. So this time he was still paired up with a guy but also with a girl. This aspect of the show was the most intensive one. Would people accept it? 

As he was in his thoughts, more and more people arrived at the set. It was already the third day of shooting, but Tay was nervous as the days before.

“Hey Tay!” Mild came and sat herself on the chair next to him.

“Hey!” 

“So how are you? Still excited?”

Tay laughed. “Indeed, but I enjoy it too a lot.”

“Same here, don’t worry too much. Oh, Joss is coming! Heeeey biggie!”

Mild went to their acting partner and hugged him. “Hey tinie? If you call me biggie, I go with that nickname for you!” They both laughed and Tay felt a little left out. Wow best preparation for his role.

“Hey man.” Without Tay noticing, Joss sat himself next to him. Where Mild has gone, Tay didn’t notice.

“Hey!”

“So, ready for today’s shooting?”

“Yes. I guess! The fighting and running should be fine, we had a good training.”

And so the things indeed went smoothly. They did the bathroom fight scene, where they murder the hit man, which would set in motion all the following events.

“Neo.” Joss took Tay by his arm. “Where are you going?”

He pulled both of them in the toilet cabin. “What’s going on?” Tay as Shin was confused what was happening and Neo pressed his hand over his mouth.

The bad guy came closer and the excitement rose. “Mr. Shin?”

Then the fight began. Tay was surprised there was no cut between this and the fight, but he didn’t bother since he could watch most of it.

Joss and Max did a good job. Then it was his time and he attacked Max from behind. He tackled him, as planned and was pushed at the wall.

All worked out. The other two fought a little more and then Mild appeared and shot the guy.

“Run!”

“Shin. C’mon Shin!”

They left the bathroom.

“Cut!”

“Ohhh wow that was intense!” Joss exhaled and smiled. They came back and listened to some instructions. Overall it was fine and only some part of the fight between Joss and Max was to be redone.

So Tay stood behind the camera and watched with big eyes what was happening. Now that he wasn’t in his role and supposed to be afraid of the situation he could focus differently. Joss was so strong and well trained. He observed all the muscles dance on Joss' arms and lower back dance as he moved. Tay was in shape too, but nothing compared to Joss.

“Very good. Little break then we go on shooting outside!”

“Well done!” Tay went to his friend and patted his back. Joss smiled and nodded. “You too. So what are you doing tonight after shooting? It will be late, mind grabbing something to eat together?”

Tay looked at him baffled, but then he smiled. “Sure! What about Mild and the others. Will they join?”

“Mild is busy and well…I don’t mind being with you alone. As long as you are too?”

“Yes!” Tay nearly shouted, looked down in embarrassment and added: “I don’t mind at all.”

“Great, so let’s get over with the shooting.”

They did and it run smoothly. It was a lot of discussing and talking and so it was more of a job of staying serious and don’t forgetting the lines.

“So we stop here now and redo some of the condo scenes tomorrow when filming the convo with the neighbor. Goodnight guys!”

“Oh cool, didn’t expect he would let us go already!” 

“But I’m glad, I am so tired and I need to get up early tomorrow, I have an appointment with my manager. So have a nice evening guys! Biggie take care of Tay.” Mild hugged them both and left to get her staff.

“She called me biggie again.” Tay laughed at the irritation of his friend.

Then they two also changed and made their way to Joss’ car. “Let’s go in my car together, you leave yours here and I will pick you up tomorrow before shooting.” 

Tay agreed and they drove into the city center. 

“So what would you like to eat? It’s on me tonight.”

“That’s not necessary Joss.”

Joss put his hands on his, but shortly after he changed place and put it on his shoulder. “I want to. Next time it’s your turn.”

“Who said I will go eating with you again?” Tay said in a playful tone and smirked.

“I say so.” Joss smiled and Tay couldn’t help but feel really good in his company.

They reached a nice restaurant, ordered and immediately were talking and laughing non-stop.

“Of course! You are wearing crop tops!”

Tay laughed as Joss didn’t believe him, that the too small shirts he was wearing could be considered crop tops already.

“No and now we stop. Neo is surely not wearing crop tops.”

Tay laughed some more until it faded, but he kept smiling at his friend. Their eyes didn’t unlock for a few seconds, where nobody said a word.

“So how are things going? Life, friends…love?” Joss broke the silence.

“Good. All good…” Tay nodded. “I have a great job, great friends, my family is well too…” 

“That’s great! Same for me. So…are you dating someone?”

Tay was surprised. Well it wasn’t so weird to ask that, since it was a normal question and Joss was definitely a close enough friend to ask that.

“No, I’m single.”

“Ah yeah, me too!” Then there was a silence, which Tay broke. He was afraid Joss would ask more about that topic and so he wanted to change it.

“I am happy though. Some friend has some serious love problem and so I am grateful not to experience the same pain…” Tay remembered he really needed to talk to Off. Shit. He was such a bad friend the last days.

“Oh I hope the things will work out for them.”

They smiled again at each other and finished eating.

Then Joss drove Tay to his apartment. “Thank you for bringing me home, it was a really nice evening.”

“You’re very welcome, I enjoyed it too.”

Tay exited the car but spoke before leaving: “You don’t have to pick me up tomorrow…I can take a taxi.”

“No no no, I took you out and so I will also take you there. Don’t worry!”

“Okay! So next time I will drive you.” Tay’s lips formed a smile again and although he smiled a lot in general, he felt his cheeks hurting a little after tonight.

“It’s a deal! Good night, Tay.”

“Good night. Drive safe!” Tay closed the door and watched the car driving away. 

To his surprise his heart was beating a little faster than usual.


	24. Trapped (12) POV Gun

The following days Gun was confused. He was torn between being happy, sad, bored, guilty and also horny. How could he feel all these together?

Well fact was, he enjoyed the sex with Off a lot and he was totally in to repeat it. He just didn’t know how Off felt… Although he said he was fine, Gun was sure Off had to feel a little strange right? He was straight and a straight guy doesn’t sleep with a man suddenly, also not when being drunk.

hat comes along was, that Off didn’t write him anymore these days and he never met him at work. Was he avoiding him? Gun hoped not…

Gun came home one afternoon, again being unsuccessful in meeting Off at GMMTV.

_I miss Papii so much…_

Gun decided to cook something and managed. His skills improved all the time and he really wanted to extend it more.

He made himself comfortable on his bed with the bowl of noodles in his hands and switched on the TV. What could he watch? He nearly watched all GMMTV shows and other BL series as well.

_Wait! Today is Tuesday right?_

Suddenly Gun was totally excited. Tuesday meant a new episode of “Trapped” was airing! Gun jumped and switched on Line TV.

Gun enjoyed this series a lot and was so excited how it would go on. Of course he needed to watch with subtitles but it was worth it.

The episode was great. When Tang Yi’s wound was treated, he was shirtless and Gun really enjoyed the view. The actor was really hot and so as the show went on, Gun looked up his IG. Yes cute and hot. Well didn’t help, so he returned to the show.

The next scene that made Gun watch the screen with eagerness, was Tang Yi throwing Shao Fei on the bed and starting to massage him, since he was hurt.

Gun’s breath stopped and he observed the intense scene. 

To say Gun was aroused was exaggerated, but it didn’t leave him indifferent either.

Right before the episode ended, things became hot again and in the moment, the gay friend of Tang Yi went down on his knees, the credits started.

“Shiiaaa.” Gun said out load. "He is about to give him a blowjob and now I need to wait for another week!!" He added mumbling.

Gun calmed down quickly and was about to check what he could watch next, when he received a message.

_Hey Gun :) I hope you are doing fine. I’m sorry for not being around a lot… if you want, we can do something together these days?_

Gun’s eyes widened. Off wrote him! Finally!

Okay. He really wanted to meet his friend again. If possible right now, so he quickly typed an answer.

_Papiiiii, I missed you so much! Can I come to you now?_

Off answered him quickly and confirmed.

Okay. Stay calm! First, taking a shower then choosing some cloths.

As Gun stood under the warm shower steam, his mind wandered and he couldn’t help to imagine where his meeting with Off could lead. Gun still had a certain horniness from the nice scenes in the series in his belly and so after drying himself, he was quite determined to try his luck with Off again.

Off liked it. He had no doubt. The question was only, if Off would do it when sober or his head would stop him. Gun decided to see how things go and prepared his bag. Then he called a taxi and was on his way to Off.

Nearly an hour after they messaged, he rang at Off’s doorbell and happily he jumped into Off’s arms and cuddled him. He even put a little kiss on his cheek to see how Off was reacting.

Since it was as normal as usual, Gun released him, ran into his apartment and took a seat at the table. Since Off needed some more time, whatever he was thinking about at the doorstep, Gun pulled out his phone again, seeing he received some messages.

“How are you doing?”

Gun looked up and only realized Off was back, so he put away his phone. “Gooood, thanks. And you?”

“It’s fine. A little tired.”

Off looked so irresistible and yummy. Gun wanted nothing more than touch him and have Off over him. He should make a move on him immediately, shouldn’t he?

“I hope not too tired?” Gun giggled and Off looked at him curiously.

“You know, I came here so fast, because I want to talk to you.” While saying that Gun started to approach Off. Off looked kind of scared and his voice was silent. “About what?” 

Gun leaned in and pressed his lips on Off’s wonderful ones. Before Gun could intensify the kiss, he was pushed away.

“What are you doing?”

“I know you like it.” And so, Gun stood up and climbed on Off’s lap, capturing his lips again. 

Gun felt Off slowly giving in and returning the kiss and touches. Nonetheless Gun needed another confirmation. Also if Off could overpower him easily and push him away again with no effort if he wanted, it was important for Gun.

“Papii...” Gun started kissing his neck and whispered in Off’s ear: “You are okay with it, right?”

“Yes.”

_Good._ Gun thought.


	25. Other guys (12) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am feeling so bad writing this chapter. But somehow it was necessary, since Gun told Off in chapter 14 (main story) that he still met others.  
> So this is actually only Gun and a guy having sex. Off is mentioned as well, just so you guys know.   
> <3

_”I don’t think it’s a good idea…”_ Off’s words after they had sex for the second time kept coming to Gun’s mind. Why was Off reluctant to the idea of them fucking every now and then? It would be so perfect.

Gun was sure there was something, that bothered Off about this matter. He just couldn’t see what it was. Gun couldn’t believe that Off was so stiff into the idea of being straight that he was lying to himself. He admitted at least twice that he liked it.

So what was going on? Was Off in love with somebody and so this felt wrong for him? Not likely, because surely he would have told Gun.   
Well, not surely. 

Oohh, who was Gun telling this shit. Off would probably not talk to him if he fell in love again. Gun was gay and so Off couldn’t get any help from him with girls. Well he could, but in another way than he needed maybe.

Gun was scuffling his hair and turned around in his bed.

It has already been a week since that evening and Gun didn’t know what to do about Off. They met each other a few times already and had some events together. Everything was fine luckily and they behaved as usual. Gun just didn’t know if he should take another approach or wait until Off did something.

Anyway. Gun should slowly get ready, since he would go out with some friends tonight.

As he was showered, he stood in front of his wardrobe and was again faced with the hard decision of what to wear.

_Sexy or not sexy, that is the question…_

In the end and after several messages with his girls, he ended up with a sexy outfit. He wore tight black jeans (something he avoided to wear in everyday life) and a loose rosé shirt, where he opened the first two buttons. He chose some black shoes and a tiny black varnish bag.

Then his doorbell rang and he hurried outside to see their friends in a taxi.

“Hey biiiiitch!” They all hugged each other in the car and immediately Gun received compliments for his outfit.

“Thanks, you all look gorgeous too. Really hot!” They laughed and chit chatted until they arrived in the city.

Bangkok’s nightlife was something Gun really loved. Although he couldn’t walk around with whomever he wanted, he still enjoyed and hoped that his friends took attention and so fans wouldn’t see him. His popularity was also the reason they mostly went into expensive clubs and booked a private area there.

As they stood in the row (yes even they needed to wait) Gun checked his phone. No sign of Off on any social media. He wasn’t that active and it bothered Gun. They would see each other again after tomorrow to start planning their fan meet, so Gun shrugged and put his phone away.

“Look at these guys there, they keep looking our way.” Gun turned around to see what his friend was saying. Hmm, yeah hot guys. Straight hot guys.

“They will enter shortly after us, they will for sure come to talk to you ladies, don’t worry.” Gun winked and then they were the next to enter.

Like Gun said, after half an hour and some drinks, the guys came closer and started talking with his friends. Gun listened at first, but then he got bored and rose. He went to the toilet, to wash his hands, which have become sticky from the glasses and the alcohol, that ran over the edge. Then he decided to check out the dance floor, where he saw one of his friends.

“Hey, why are you not with the hot guys?” Gun danced and needed to speak loudly, since the music was screaming.

“They all grabbed one and since I was third wheel, I left to look out for some other one here.”

Gun nodded and smiled, then they kept dancing.

After a while his friend spoke again: “There is a guy at the bar, he gives me gay vibes. He is hot, go check him out.”

Gun turned around and spotted said guy.

“Cute. I will try my best. But find yourself some fun too, don’t stay alone.” Gun winked and left. At the bar he took the seat next to the guy, who looked down in his nearly empty glass.

“Sex on the beach, please.”

As Gun ordered, he heard a chuckle coming from the guy. 

“Why is it always so funny when somebody orders the drink…” The guy said, more to himself than to Gun.

_That was easier than expected._ Gun was surprised that he could start a conversation so fast. 

“It is indeed. But I like the drink, so I won’t bother ordering it…”

Gun smiled a little and the guy looked at him now.

“Don’t you are afraid somebody will misunderstand and give you something different?”

The guy was flirting so obvious and Gun liked it, so he played along.

“Then he would need to take me really far since the beach is at least one hour from here…”

“Maybe he has an apartment nearby?”

Now Gun laughed. This hot dude was really bold. Good…

“We will see. Thanks.” Gun received his drink and the still unknown guy ordered another whiskey.

“So what’s your name?”

“Vic and you?”

“Gun.”

“Sweet…”

One thing Gun always thought about since he became more popular was, if people knew him. He shouldn’t feel too important and think that every Thai person knew him, because that wasn’t the case at all. He was a star in his branch and if somebody didn’t watch BL at all, he was a nobody. Nonetheless he was an advertising figure head and his pictures could be seen in the city.

“So cheers to a nice evening!”

Gun smiled and they brought their drinks together with a clink.

Evenings like this always worked the same way. He met some hot guy, mostly on the dancefloor or like tonight at the bar, and they talk, both already knowing where the evening lead. So also tonight. 

When their drinks where nearly finished, Vic leaned closer and whispered into Gun’s ear: “Let’s make sure you get what you ordered earlier…maybe at some other venue, but still.”

Gun placed his hands on the other guy’s thighs, slowly running upwards and whispered back: “With pleasure.”

Vic called the barman and wanted to pay for both their drinks when Gun stopped him. “As much as I appreciate you wanting to invite me, I really do, but I have a private lounge today and so all drinks there are on my name. I am with some friends, I will put yours too, don’t bother.”

Vic’s eyes grew wider. “Wow, are you super rich or something?”

Gun giggled. “No not really. Now come before I change my mind.” 

So Vic rose and pulled Gun with him. After some minutes of walk, they reached a nice condo with big apartments inside. “You are not poor too.”

Vic smiled and lead them inside. As soon as they put away their shoes and bags, the taller guy came closer and pressed Gun to the wall. “You are really pretty. Look at those lips…”

Gun smiled and started touching the guy’s upper body. He was really muscled and had a tan, similar to Tay. Further he had black shoulder long hair hold together with a ribbon and light brown eyes. “You are handsome too, really well build.”

“Thanks…” then he leaned down and kissed Gun with big hunger. Gun was glad he wasn’t shy and got down to business. Gun started pulling at the guy’s shirt and the other one got rid of it quickly. Also Gun’s shirt was unbuttoned fast and his shoulders were freed. Vic started kissing his neck and wandered down to his chest soon. 

“Ahhh…” Gun moaned as the guy started licking his nipples. He placed his hands in the long hair and neck. After a while Vic straightened up again, placed a kiss on his lips and lifted him easily.

Gun was surprised but looped his legs immediately around the other’s hips and started rubbing their hard dicks together.

Somebody is really horny I feel. I like that…” After saying that, Vic lay Gun down on the bed, unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down. Same he did with his own.

“You are so sexy.” Gun said now and was so ready to be fucked. So he pulled down his panties as well and lay back again, presenting himself.

Vic came closer and placed little kisses on the head of his cock. Then he took more in his mouth and started sucking and licking. “Aaargh!” Gun felt so good. It only got better when he felt a wet finger at his entrance, which entered easily. 

It went in and out and found the spot easily. Soon a second joined and Gun was feeling like he would explode soon. Luckily Vic stopped sucking him and focused fully on a quick but effective preparation. Gun felt he was experienced and he loved it.

“You feel ready?” Gun heard some impatience in his tone and nodded. Quickly Vic took hold of his hips and turned him on his belly and pulled him up a little, so that he was on all fours. Then Gun felt a cock at his entrance and turned around to check if there was protection. There was and now he even could feel it, so he could let himself go and enjoy.

“Hhhnghh…hnngh” Both started panting as Vic started moving. He changed position a few times to find the perfect angle. 

Gun felt the fire built up in his stomach and his cock throbbing. Vic grabbed his hips harder and roamed his back. “This is…good. Ahh-I will come soon.”

Gun didn’t answer, because he knew that this guy would last a little longer, he was the type who wanted to make their bottom come first, Gun felt that.

And he was right. It didn’t take that long, but Vic continued fucking him senseless until Gun came. Only then he accelerated again and after some last thrusts, he came as well.

They lay down, breathing hard.

“That was so good. Let me just clean up for a moment…” Vic rose and threw away the condom and tried to clean the most of Gun’s come on the sheets.

“You need something?” Vic asked gently and Gun shook his head. He just wanted to rest…

“You can sleep here if you want.” Gun smiled and thought about it. Normally he took guys to his house and they left afterwards. But since he was free tomorrow it should be fine.

“Yeah would be great.”

So they lay down properly and pulled a blanket over their bodies, since they were a little shivering after sweating. 

“I need to leave at 8…just sleep longer and then close the door properly. You can also shower if you want and grab something from the fridge.”

Gun nodded again and snuggled closer to the guy, who was a little surprised but hugged back, then he fell asleep.

The next morning, Gun needed some moments to find out where he was. “Ohh yeah…” After remembering, he stood up and collected his cloths. He forwent a shower because he wanted to take a bath at home. As he was dressed, he hurried to a mirror and checked his appearance. His hair was confused, but he had nothing here to make it better. So he only colored his lips and put on some bb creme.

Gun called a taxi as soon as he stepped out the door, hoping nobody recognized him now. He was happy when he sat in the car and said the address.

_Time to check my phone!!_ Gun saw dozens of messages but swiped away those that could wait for later.

Off wrote him!

Gun immediately opened his message, only to see that it was work related. Off sent him the schedule for tomorrow. Gun was disappointed and sighed, nonetheless he answered a short thank you. Then he closed his phone, being lost in his thoughts for the rest of the ride.


	26. Something developing (12) POV Joss

Joss couldn’t believe how fast he and Tay got close. It was as if a life without the smaller guy never existed. Right now, they were eating lunch with some of the cast and crew and of course he and Tay sat next to each other.

“So what about your birthday next month. Any plans?”

Tay turned to Joss to look him in the eyes. “Well we will have the Our Skyy fan meet in Taiwan, so no big party here. It really depends on when we come back…maybe afterwards I will throw a party.”

Joss smiled at him and wanted to say so much, but everything seemed inappropriate. They weren’t that old friends, so that he could allow to ask, if he would spend a day with him as celebration. But he wanted to do something special for Tay.

“Okay, just tell me then. Let’s do something for your birthday.”

Tay nodded and returned to his food.

Joss looked at him a little longer, but returned to eating as well, stealing glances at the older one every now and then.

“So guys, stand up, the series doesn’t shoot itself.”

So another day of intense scenes and running and whatever passed and Joss was happy to leave soon. 

“Guuuuuys, tomorrow is a free day, how about we meet and go through the upcoming scenes? It’s better so the next shootings are earlier done.”

All agreed and so Mild informed Toptap as well, since he was also part of the hotel scenes.

“So see you tomorrow! Byyeee!” So Mild left them alone.

Joss looked at Tay who looked back and somehow they stood there without knowing what to do. Both had their car here, so it was time to part.

“So drive safe and see you tomorrow…” Tay said and Joss nodded. 

_Oh fuck it, I want to do that now!_ And so Joss took a step closer and hugged Tay. The smaller one felt so good in his arms and so the hug lasted longer than a normal one, but Joss didn’t feel any resistance from Tay.

“Good night.” He whispered in Tay’s ear and let go. Then he waved and quickly made his way to his car. Inside he started the engine and drove away fast.

He was such a dumbass. How the heck was he so shy suddenly and didn’t say anything? “Ooooiiii…” Joss tried to focus on the street and push away all thoughts about Tay, but only managed when he fell asleep hours later.


	27. So much happening (13) POV Toptap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am again! Took me some days to go on with writing.
> 
> I would be really grateful to receive also here at the special scenes some feedback, although I know you might enjoy the scenes when you liked the main story already. It would give me more motivation nonetheless.
> 
> Plus check out my first [OffGun video on youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfuBnNPZyvQ)!

As he received a message from Mild yesterday evening, Toptap was surprised, but really happy that they would meet for a read through. His role in this series was a small one and so he didn’t have so much contact with his fellow actors, but since after tomorrow the hotel scenes were shot, he was glad.

So the next day, they all met in front of the building and reached the free room together. Immediately Tay left them and ran to the table. Oh there was Off! A grin found its way on Toptap's face, but he stopped and observed Tay and Off hugging and Joss following after his on-screen partner.

Toptap stayed away, along with Mild and as Tay and Joss came to them, he saw Off looking as him as well. Toptap tried to ask him how he was doing, so they exchanged some glances and finally Off nodded in response.

Toptap smiled -more to himself actually- about this little moment. Then he went to the others and they went through the scenes, acting out already most parts.

“Oh my…I will be half naked and tied up in this scene!” Toptap said as he turned page and laughed.

“It’s so weird! Why did we undress him when tying him up?” Tay said still laughing hard. “No idea!” 

So the day passed and it was evening when they finished. They decided to eat dinner together. Toptap noticed that Off left some time ago, but now he was back. “Should we ask Off to join us?” Toptap said shyly. Joss nodded, asked right away and Off agreed happily.

 _Awesome!_ Toptap thought happily.

They decided to walk, which was totally fine for him. Since Joss and Tay were talking together and Off and Mild also started a conversation on the way, nobody was left for Toptap so he just walked next to Off and listened.

The food was good and the mood perfect. 

After a while Tay came with a round of shots. Oooh should they drink when shooting tomorrow? 

“We need to finish this evening with a toast. Let’s have some more good time together while filming and let’s hope that the show is successful.” Tay said and they drank.

“Cheeeers!”

“So Tap, how are you doing?” Mild asked him after a while. “Fine! Well nothing spectacular happening in my life anyway…work takes a lot of time.”

“Same here. But it seems I will soon date someone again!”

“Cuteee! Who is it?” Toptap suddenly got really interested. 

“You don’t know him. He’s from my university and we went on some dates these days. So I still don’t know if we are a thing, but he seems head over heels for me! It’s weird but really cute.”

“Totally!”

“Sooooo nobody special in your life?” Mild looked sympathetically at him.

“No not really…I like someone but it’s nothing serious and I have no chance.” Toptap smiled and nodded.

“Oh, well who knows and if it doesn’t, then it wasn’t the right person. Someone else will surely come!!” She grabbed his hand and pressed it friendly. Shortly after that, her phone rang and she excused herself for a moment.

So he turned to Off who at first observed Joss and Tay, but soon his expression changed in a serious one. 

“How are you doing?” Toptap asked out of intuition. Off understood what he was referring to and so they went to the bathroom.

“We did it again.”

Whaaat? Well Toptap didn’t expect that from Off, since he had real feelings for Gun and then something like this was no good idea.

He couldn’t give his friend good advices, but Off seemed happy after their short conversation. “Thanks man, really!” As Off smiled, Toptap couldn’t help but join and feel delighted. Thinking that he was the reason to make this gorgeous man smile, was incredible.

So they returned to the table and Mild was back too.

“Sorry for leaving, it was my mom, she said th- aaaahh look at them!!” Mild indicated to Joss and Tay and Toptap smiled. Wow, they were cute together. “Aaiii this ship is sailing guys!!”

“So you ship them?”

“So much! Well I ship a lot of you guys, but most as a joke. Here with these two I have a good feeling…I see them being all lovey-dovey all day long at the set.”  
“Sweet!”

Suddenly, Off next to him stood up. “Guys I will leave now!”

“Oh so soon!” Mild said and Toptap wondered the same.

“Yeah it’s rather late and I’m tired.”

 _He doesn’t seem at all…_ Toptap waved goodbye but wondered what caused the sudden change. He was really sad that Off left, since he enjoyed being with him a lot.

“How long are we gonna stay?” Mild asked.

Trying to be silent, because of sleeping Tay in his arms, Joss said: “I don’t mind leaving soon too, since I have to bring this big baby home…he is not only sleepy, but also a little drunk. I don’t know what made him drink two beer and a shot tonight.”

Toptap nodded and not long after, they paid and left. Tay was awake now but seemed a little confused and if Joss wouldn’t been holding him, he surely would have fallen.

“So I’ll take a taxi with Tay. Mild you take one alone or with Toptap?”

“If you don’t mind, let’s share one and drive first to me and then to you.” 

“That’s fine!”

They waved goodbye and Toptap opened the car door for Mild. “Ladies first, madame.”

They chuckled and talked about a new skin care product on the way. Toptap found it a nice ending of a great evening.


	28. Something special (13) POV Tay

Tay felt like going mad. He knew exactly what was happening and it scared him. 

“Don’t walk so fast, stay here.”

Joss put his arm around Tay’s shoulder and pulled him closer while continuing walking. Tay smiled and saw that his three friends were some meters ahead.

“Okay…”

“So do you know why Off was alone in the studio today?” Tay thought about it. Well probably he was bored or…well Tay didn’t know. All he knew was that his friend was going through a hard time with his feelings for Gun.

“I guess he was bored…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” Joss winked and grinned.

“Why this grin?” Tay said in a playful voice.

“Actually I wanted to make a joke but decided not to.”

“Teeeell me!” Tay grabbed Joss’ hand which was hanging down his shoulder and pressed it to make his determination clear. So Joss turned his head and whispered in his ear: “I wanted to add: I hope he didn’t come to only see you...”

Tay inhaled. The touch of Joss hand on his, the breath that was at his ear and the word that reached him, made Tay shiver. The smile vanished from his face and he turned his face to look into Joss’ chocolate colored eyes. The taller one looked also in his but smiled suddenly and backed off. “Don’t take me too serious Tay! Now come the others already entered.”

Tay couldn’t answer anything and just walked automatically, don’t pulling his gaze away from Joss.

The dinner was nice, they talked intensely and laughed a lot. Tay felt a constant weight on his chest and knew it was caused by the little moment earlier. He couldn’t fall in love with a (probably straight) friend. Again!

_Shiiit!_ He thought and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Joss asked a little worried. Maybe he noticed Tay’s distress. “Order some shots to have a toast. I’ll be right back.” Yes alcohol will surely help. It’s not as if he already had a beer to the food and currently drinking his second one.

“We need to finish this evening with a toast. Let’s have some more good time together while filming and let’s hope that the show is successful.” Tay said and they drank.

“Cheeeers!”

Tay felt the burning in his throat. “Wow that is a strong one!” Joss started to talk with him again. Tay felt ambivalent, since they were sitting so close. Tay enjoyed it and chose this place deliberately but understood now that this way only they two would talk.

“Yeah…”

“You want to make us drunk right. Evil Tay…” Joss tried to make a joke and it helped. Suddenly Tay laughed and couldn’t understand why he found that so funny.

“Noo! Man I just wanted to have a nice evening.”

“I know, I’m just kidding with you.” Joss smiled and Tay joined. Wow he will have aching cheeks tomorrow for sure.

“Okay, I like that.” Tay looked at Joss with big puppy eyes, slowly feeling some effect of the alcohol.

“You are drunk.” Joss stated and ruffled through Tay’s hair. Tay wanted to say something in return when he saw that Off and Toptap left the table. Together. What was this about?

“Tay.”

“Yes sorry! I was just wondering…”

“Come here.” Joss opened his arm and lay it around Tay’s shoulder, so that the smaller one could lean on him. “Is it comfortable?”

“A lot!” Tay smiled and saw Off returning. He initiated eye contact, but Off waved him off. What was going on with his friend? He should talk to him…but later because right now it was so comfortable in Joss arms. Tay decided to close his eyes for a moment. Just resting a minute… 

The last thing he felt was a little shift and the smell of familiarity, then he drove into a deep slumber.


	29. Jealous little IG queen (13) POV Gun

The next few weeks passed really quick and Gun found himself busy. He had some appointments with Off and also the planning for their fan meet was in full swing.

Gun still was unsure what was going on with Off. He didn’t call him that often as he used to and since Gun didn’t want to pressure him or seem too clingy, he also didn’t call. 

Gun came to the conclusion that surely Off’s main problem could be, that he was afraid Gun would want to be with him all the time and develop deeper feelings. But Gun didn’t! He didn’t want a boyfriend and he hoped he made that clear to Off last time, didn’t he?

It was so nerve wracking.

Gun was in his bed feeling tired, since he went partying the last few nights and needed to recover. He had so much fun but slowly felt that he wasn’t 20 anymore. And taking home more than one guy was totally great and fun but made him feel drained. So yesterday and today he did nothing than watching series and be on IG.

Time for a new post! Gun styled his hair a little and was glad he was wearing make up already. He applied some lipstick and put his glasses on. After half an hour he felt ready and took dozen pictures. He was a little moody tonight, so he made puppy eyes and pouted. His fans loved this look.

It didn’t take him long and the picture was uploaded. Then he went on scrolling through IG. He needed so much time to check all his friend’s stories since he was indeed interested what other people were doing these days. He knew a bunch of his friends was shooting, so he hoped to see some behind the scenes.

He swiped, tapped forward and swiped again. 

_Oh Mild is out with friends!_ Gun saw only the food and drinks and was already about to tap on his left screen side, as a familiar but unexpected username caught his eye. He saw Tay, Joss and Toptap and didn’t mind since they were shooting together. But what the fuck was Off doing there?!

Gun tapped on _tumcial_ only to see Off’s IG appear.

Gun closed his phone, feeling his heart beating fast. Why was he there? And most importantly why was Gun not with him? Without thinking much, Gun opened his messenger service to write Off, whose name ‘Papii’ was quickly found.

_Why was I not invited? :’(_

Was the crying emoji too much? No, Off should see how hurt he was. Not enough that he missed Off so much these days, not even to a group dinner he was informed anymore! And Tay! He could have thought about inviting him as well…

_I was in the creative room as they decided to go for dinner, it was not planned. I’m sorry…_

Okay now he felt bad somehow. Still he was sad and wanted nothing more than to be with Off.

_Can you come to me? I miss you <3_

Then nothing came back. Would Off come now or not? Gun stood up and started putting away some cloths when he received an answer.

_Okay, there in 30 minutes._

Gun smiled and pressed his phone on his chest. Wait! 30 minutes…such a short time to get ready!

“Shit!” Gun jumped up and ran into the bathroom to get ready, because actually he wanted to spend the time with Off with a certain activity.


	30. Sickness and gentleman (13) POV Tay

“…ay!! Tay!” Tay started waking up. “Huuuhhgg?” He wasn’t sure where he was, but as he opened his eyes, he saw Joss. 

_Joss…_ Tay thought happily and closed his eyes again. 

“No don’t fall asleep again! We want to pay and leave man.” 

Oh yeah, they went eating together after the read-through! Tay stood up but felt his legs really heavy and so he was happy to take a hold at Joss. The next moment they were outside and talking about driving home…? Tay was not so sure about all that, totally trusting Joss.

“So I’ll take a taxi with Tay. Mild you take one alone or with Toptap?”

“If you don’t mind, let’s share one and drive first to me and then to you.” 

“That’s fine!”

They waved goodbye and Joss started carrying Tay to the taxi.

“Man why are you so sleepy…in there now.”

They managed to enter the car and luckily Joss knew Tay’s address. Tay realized most of the conversation and his surroundings, just was too exhausted to move himself. So also in the car he leaned into Joss and closed his eyes again. He wasn’t sleeping and so he felt Joss’ hand on his head, which started petting and running through his hair.

“Tay…” Joss said gently and Tay moved his head as an answer. “Why are you sleeping again?”

Tay tried to utter some words and failed. “I feel…dunno…”

“Okay we will be at your apartment soon, just sleep some more.”

Tay felt so at ease and safe in the big arms of his friend, that he indeed fell in a light slumber.

“Come on, wake up. We need to get out!”

Tay woke up. What was happening? He felt like ages passed but that couldn’t be…

“Sorry I come…”

Joss paid and they headed to the entrance. Tay could walk alone now, but Joss kept his hand on lower back and guided him. Tay felt a tingle spreading over his body from the spot where Joss held him.

At the door they looked at each other and Joss was about to ask if he could leave him alone or accompany him up, when Tay collected all his courage and said: “Please stay with me tonight, okay?”

His heart was beating fast and he felt his hands shaking a little. Also his face felt stiff and he felt a little sick. He felt exactly like people described a teenager in love... Only as Joss smiled, Tay could relax a little. 

“Of course, if you want to….” Was Joss shy?? Tay was a little confused since Joss talked so quite suddenly and wiped his hands on his trousers. Tay smiled and took Joss’ hand to drag him upstairs. 

“Cute apartment, I wasn’t here before.” Joss looked around as he got rid of his shoes. 

Tay did the same and as he rose again from his bend position, he felt his head spin and the bad feeling in his stomach again.

_Don’t vomit now when he is here…please…_ Tay thought and collected himself.

“Thanks, it’s really nothing special but it feels like home…okay you want to sleep on the couch or in my bed?”

“I am fine with everything. I just want to sleep soon because I am soooo tired.” Joss yawned as confirmation. 

“Sure! You can go to the bathroom if you want.”

Joss nodded and left. Meanwhile Tay got rid of his shirt and trousers and made his way to the bedroom. He lay down and hoped his head would stop spinning but it didn’t. He turned to lay on the side and held his belly.

_No please don’t…_ A little tear left his eye.

Tay stood up and approached the bathroom and luckily Joss stepped out that moment. Tay looked up for a second but couldn’t really enjoy the view of shirtless Joss. He pushed him to the side and finally arrived at the toilet. 

Tay hated vomiting. But more than the fact itself, he hated doing it in front of Joss. He was embarrassing himself in front the guy he secretly liked!

After a while of heavy breathing, he returned to the world and perceived his surroundings again. 

There was a hand on his back, stroking gently. 

Tay exhaled again and pressed his eyes together, so that the tears that developed in his eyes could escape.

“Sshhh breath in and out.” Joss said and then he handed him some toilet paper and flushed the toilet.

Tay took it thankfully and wiped his mouth and nose. “Thanks…”

Tay stood up and was glad Joss held him, since he was even dizzier than before. What was going on with him?

“Better?” 

Tay nodded and said: “I’m sorry you had to see this…”

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay. I just want to make sure you’re better now. Come.”

Joss led him to the bed and brought him some water from the kitchen. Tay took it and smiled thankfully. Right after taking some sips, Tay noticed that Joss was still only wearing his towel around his waist and Tay himself was half naked too.

Tay tried to calm down, but he felt himself shaking a little and it wasn’t caused by his sickness. It was Joss presence. Tay felt his breathing become heavier again and suddenly he stood up and pulled Joss’ face closer.

Actually he was so clumsy that he just pulled his arm and pressed his own face onto the other’s. Joss turned away out of instinct and so only their noses touched and Tay pressed into Joss’ cheeks.

Tay felt the muscles under his fingers and started moving his hands, still breathing at Joss’ face.   
“Tay…what are you-”

“Please I-” Tay didn’t know what to say, his head was empty. He just wanted to be closer to Joss. “Hold me please…”

Joss embraced him stronger and placed him back on the bed. Then he let go, to Tay’s disdain, and went to the wardrobe to grab some boxers for himself. Tay looked at him with big eyes, when he saw the backside of Joss as he changed quickly.

“Here I am again…”

Joss lay next to Tay and automatically the smaller one came closer. Tay just felt like he embarrassed himself today already so much, that nothing mattered now anyway. He wanted to show what he felt for Joss and so he reached out again. Tay put his hand at the younger’s cheek and looked at his beauty. Joss looked back, with a pleading look and Tay was not sure what it meant.

Tay came closer and wanted to take the final step, when Joss turned away and looked at the ceiling. “Tay…you’re drunk. I can’t-”

“I’m totally fine, don’t worry, please I want…”

“No let’s sleep please. You are not well, let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”

Tay couldn’t help but feel disappointed and he knew it was visible on his face. “Come here Tay.” Joss grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer.

Tay felt good in his arms but couldn’t help feeling like crying. He couldn’t say anything and was glad Joss spoke again: “Good night, don’t worry please, it’s just not the right moment…”

Tay nodded and pushed a leg in between Joss’. Then he placed a little kiss on the piece of skin he found in front of his mouth. Must have been Joss’ chest, Tay wasn’t sure since he was already feeling like drifting away. Only seconds after that, he eventually fell asleep.


	31. One of many nights (14) POV Off

“Let’s pay, Papii.”

Off nodded, pulled out his wallet and called the waiter. Afterwards they left the restaurant and called a taxi. 

“I come with you okay?” Gun asked with a smile and Off nodded, knowing where this would lead again.

They did it often. Now that Off gave in to Gun’s advances, he just tried to make the best of the situation. They had rehearsals, went to dinner or lunch together and at the end of the day, ended up in bed.

The taxi drive wasn’t long, but they made some small talk.

“Thanks for inviting me…next time it’s on me.” Gun gently ran his hand over Off’s arm.

“No problem, I love taking take care of you.”

“Ooooii Papii, don’t be so sweet!” Gun his head shyly into Off’s chest. Then he mumbled: “I want to see some other side of you.”

Off furrowed his brows. Other side?

“Okay, what do you mean?”

“I will tell you at home.”

Gun winked and put his hands on Off’s tights. Off couldn’t help but smile at him. _Home…_ Gun called Off’s apartment home….

They arrived soon and went up the stairs. 

Off was walking behind Gun, being totally in his thoughts. This arrangement was bad, he knew it. But it was the only way to be close to Gun. Should he-

His thoughts were stopped abruptly, as his face landed on something soft. Off looked up and saw Gun’s backside in front of him. Gun must have suddenly stopped walking.

“Papii, where are you with your thoughts? You have a perfect view on my ass, while I’m walking upstairs, and you don’t even take one look. Are you not in the mood? Should I go home…”

“No! Sorry I was only…” Off stopped and pushed away his negative thoughts. “Don’t leave, let’s go inside and enjoy the evening.”

Off took Gun’s hand and opened the door.

After taking off shoes and their bags, Gun pulled him to the bedroom.

“I want you to go rough with me. You are always so nice and shy and that’s so unusual for me when it comes to sex. So let’s make it a little extremer. Are you in?”

Off just swallowed looking into Gun’s eyes, which were full of excitement and eagerness.

“Okay, tell me what to do.”

“Just don’t be nice to me. Take what you want. Fuck me roughly.”

Off’s breath came harder now and although they did this and that already, he never felt the urge to be violent with Gun.

“Come on…you are so tall and strong, take me.” Off pushed Gun down on the bed, pushing his wrists forcefully into the mattress. 

“Very good Papii, now-”

“Shut up!” Off knew that Gun wanted it that way.

Then Off tightened his grip around Gun’s wrists and a little groan escaped Gun. Off wanted to loosen the grip but forced himself to keep it and leaned down to kiss Gun’s throat.

Meanwhile Off pulled down Gun’s pants and shoved his shirt up. Then he reached down and palmed Gun’s dick through his boxers. 

“Nnnghh…” Gun moaned and was squirming under Off. Meanwhile Off used Gun’s shirt to keep his hands firm, by not completely undressing it. Although Gun easily could slip out and move, he was way too much enjoying this and complied Off’s doing.

Off was biting into Gun’s flesh now and kissing the hurt skin, he moved from the throat down to Gun’s chest. Off would love to go on in a sweet and soft way, but Gun asked for something else and so Off backed off and quickly got rid of his shirt and shorts.

Then he pulled Gun’s boxers down as well, gripped the younger one’s waist and forcefully turned him around. Slowly Off let his hand wander over Gun’s exposed back. Starting from the back of his head, which was pressed in the mattress, over his strong upper back till his seductive curve to his ass. Off grabbed under Gun and made clear he should lift his hips and Gun complied.

“You okay?” Off asked then since Gun was silent all the time.

“Yes! Go on…I need it, grab me harder or slap me…”

Off swallowed again and looked down at Gun’s ass. He reached out and carressed it at first but after seeing Gun looking up at him asking for something, he winded up and let his hand land on the white cheek.

“Aaah!”

Off was somehow shocked. Okay Gun liked it, that’s the most important thing. Off did it again and a little yell escaped Gun every time.

Off was hard. He was already turned on since he pushed Gun on the bed and seeing him here in front of him did the rest. So should he follow Gun’s order now and take him hard? Without any preparation?

“Come on…fuck me…” Gun said with a husky voice.

Off took some saliva and tried to moisturize his dick a little since he had the lube in the bathroom and judging from Gun’s voice, he didn’t want to be kept waiting any longer.

So Off positioned and started entering slowly. 

“Hhhmmnng ahh…” Gun moaned into the mattress and reached back to widen his cheeks. Off touched Gun’s hands and wanted to hold them, but Gun grabbed his instead and pulled Off towards him, making Off slide in fully. 

“Ahhh!” Both gasped and Off was worried immediately. But as soon as Gun started rocking towards him, Off started moving. First slowly but he remembered Gun’s request and started going faster, always sliding out nearly fully and thrusting back inside the warmth.

“Aah aah ah…” A steady moan was coming out of Gun’s mouth and Off leaned down and placed little kisses on his back. Then he started licking and biting his way up to Gun’s face, which was already flushed red and a little sweaty. 

“Tell me… tell me what you need.” Off whispered with an turned-on voice.

Gun gave no answer but moaned some more as Off even sped up his tempo. Off admired Gun’s beauty, being so close to his face that he could feel their breaths mixing and seeing all details. Slowly Off brought one of his hands from Gun’s hips to his face and gently stroked his cheek. He would love to turn around and hold Gun, to come with him in his arms, seeing his face while they reach their climax.

Thinking of that, Off felt he was already close. Although there was lacking a lot of love in this sex, still he was so stimulated by Gun’s tight whole, that it made him go mad and not last forever.

Gun wanted it rough today. Off wanted to make Gun happy and especially make him come soon and so he removed his hand from the soft cheek only to quickly place it at Gun’s throat.

Off hesitated for a moment, even slowing down the thrusting, not sure if he overstepped a boundary. Then he just hoped it was okay and pulled Gun upwards at his neck, towards him.

“Nngghh Papii!” Gun groaned, but Off heard no pain or resentment in his voice and so Off held him tightly at his throat.

In this position Off was straightened up again and had Gun in front of him, with his head bend backwards. After fixing Gun’s hands between them at Gun’s back with his second hand, Off again sped up and knew this would end soon.

Gun looked so seductive, being totally in his hands. Beyond that, Off felt no special charm in being so forceful to his love. He was more into making love he found but was open to try a lot. How couldn’t he not be, when he was sleeping with Gun?

“Papiii…I will-! Ahh, aahh- Please…”

Gun was gonna come soon too, Off was relieved and let go of Gun’s hands, because he wanted to reach forward to touch him. Gun’s cock was leaking already and Off smudged the liquid and started stroking. Quicker than expected Off felt Gun’s muscles contracting around his own dick and cum running over his hand.

“Ahhgh…” Gun only said half-loudly and slowly tried to calm his breath. Off let go of his throat but Gun stayed close and moved his hips towards him. Off felt the warmth building up inside him and realized he had no condom on. So he pulled out and after two strokes he came on Gun’s lower back.

Off wiped his sweat from his face and needed to breath hard. He was not in form for so intensive activity, and he sat back on his heels, feeling his legs shake.  
Gun turned around and had a weak but satisfied smile on his face. “That was awesome!”

Off huffed and smiled back, wondering again about this guy. Gun seemed to be a exhausted but looking as perfect as usual. Off didn’t broke their eye contact, Gun neither. Then the smaller one leaned forward and their faces where really close. Unlike normally, Gun was higher than him and looked down. Off just waited for what his friend would do now.

“Thank you.” Then Gun closed the distance and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss…they just brought their lips together a few times. Off’s mind switched off and he enjoyed this moment so much. Then Gun stood up and was about to go to the bathroom as he again turned around and said: “You can come with me, if you want?”

Off thought about it for a moment but nodded then happily.

Inside the shower Off was in his own world admiring Gun’s beauty and smiling at him as Gun laughed about some funny thing he said. They washed each other’s hair and after what felt like an hour, they stepped out to go to bed and cuddle.

Every time he had such an evening with Gun, Off’s heart went through the most happy but also the most painful emotions it ever felt.


	32. Goodwill (14) POV New

The atmosphere of the party was great! He had drinks, good music and his close friends with him. Maybe he was a little drunk already but that was okay, they were here to have some fun, right?

“New!” Said looked up from his n-th drink to check who called him.

“Yes Tay!” 

Tay smiled and continued: “Gun just left and I wanted to plan something for…you know, our friend. The problem.” New had no idea what Tay was saying and looked at him confused.

“Oooii you are so dumb when drunk.”

Suddenly Joss spoke, who sat next to Tay. “I can leave if you need to talk about something private.”

“No!” Tay said and turned to his friend. New observed them and wondered what they exchanged whispering.

New looked in the round again and saw Gun with some of the girls and Off being with Arm. Both looked kind of sad… Well he knew about Off’s problem and- Wait Off! Tay meant him before…

“Man I understand now!” New returned to face Tay.

“Too late I told Joss already, so we can talk freely anyway now.”

“Can you do that? Just tell random people about Off’s feelings…” New wasn’t totally okay with this. He would never tell other people’s secrets, except it’s for a greater good.

“Joss isn’t random. He is the closest person to me right now.” New saw Tay turning a little red, but Joss just smiled and pressed Tay’s thigh.

New was in shock. “Waaaaaaiiit whaaaat!?” He screamed and right in that moment in was rather quite in the room. He wanted to continue and utter his assumption, but Tay put his hand over his mouth. 

“New what the heck? Guys, it’s all fine, continue talking, he drank too much already.”

New only saw now that most people turned to him and smiled at them apologetic.

“Don’t.” Tay looked at him with his puppy eyes and New understood he should just let this topic rest. Nonetheless he was curious if he was right with his thoughts. Could Tay and Joss be a thing?

Tay leaned forward and went on talking with a low voice: “So to come back to Off and Gun. We really should think about something. Also if Off says he is okay or whatever, I know he surely isn’t. They slept together for fuck’s sake! I really don’t know what happened these last weeks between them…I was busy with myself...”

New saw that Tay was hurt. He was obviously blaming himself for not being a good friend. New was about to reach out for Tay to give him some consolation as Joss got there first, put and arm around Tay and pressed a small kiss on his hair.

New’s eyes widened and he felt a strange feeling in his guts. 

So he looked away to see Off now really sitting totally on his own, but Gun laughing with his friends. That’s not okay! New felt the urge to do something! Gun surely loved Off back, how could he not? Just he doesn’t know about Off’s feelings and he himself would probably not make the first step, since everybody would think Off is not into boys.

“We should tell Gun.”

“No! That could be really bad. Off said, Gun doesn’t love him back.”

“But how can he know??” New felt really emotional and was so over with people being hurt.

“He told him.” Tay’s face was serious.

“Hmm. Then he lied. I am in for telling him here and today…”

New stood up, but Tay held him back. “Don’t do it.”

“I am only getting a drink, chill down.”

In the kitchen he met Arm, who was preparing some snacks.

“Oooiii this looks yummy!” New eyed over the finger food and filled his glass with some vodka and juice.

“Wow don’t drink too much, man!”

“Don’t worry!” And so New left again only to find that Tay and Joss both weren’t here anymore. New furrowed his brows and looked around, not seeing them anywhere.

But he saw Gun and his mind just had one plan: Talk to Gun and help his friends to be happy together.


	33. Something like love (14) POV Joss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put three missing scenes together in this chapter, because it fitted well and if I would have cut them, it might have caused confusion :) So here comes a long chapter!!

Joss was so heavily relieved when he received a message from Tay. They didn’t write since that night where Tay was drunk and thinking back, Joss remembered a weird mood between them the next morning. Tay was still feeling a little unwell and so Joss just helped with making the bed and some order and after Tay made it clear three times that he will be fine on his own, Joss left heavy hearted.

Now Joss was just grinning at his phone and replied quickly that he would love to join the house party tomorrow.

_Great! Can we go there together? Off will go with Gun and Arm will come really early to help preparing…_

Joss smiled again like a maniac. Man, he was so in love with Tay and he couldn’t deny that anymore. He was quite sure Tay liked him too if he took that very night into consideration or also before…they just fit so well together. But since Joss had no idea if it was the case, he rather waited and didn’t approach to quick. Maybe it was only Tay’s drunk mind, which wanted to be closer to him? Well it wasn’t the time now to brood over that and so he replied.

_Sure! <3 Can we take your car? My friend borrowed mine for some days…_

Tay confirmed and they fixed a time when he would pick him up.

Joss needed to clear his head and changed into his running cloths. Sport was helping him so much. When he was happy or sad or mentally exhausted because his day was so long, he could find peace and strength in doing some physical training. He loved meeting with friends and play ball sports together but right now he needed to be alone and hopefully make himself clear what he wanted.

Running through the city with his headphones one, he was again grinning. Why did he need to put on love songs? Well it didn’t matter now. He was in love and would love to scream it in everyone’s face.

On his way home he passed the condo of Off and Arm. As he realized that, he slowed down and became thoughtful. _Should I talk to them? They are his best friends…_

Joss thought about it again and quickly he scratched Off in his plans. He was a really nice guy and a good friend, but could as well be really scary, he didn’t want to have problems with him. Arm on the other hand… yeah why not.

Joss looked at the names at the doorbell and before he could change opinion, he pressed on the right one.

_Please be here…be here…_ Joss said to himself but quickly was interrupted by a voice behind him.

“Joss?” Said turned around and saw Arm standing there.

“Man! I was looking for you.” Joss smiled and let Arm pass who carried some grocery.

“Oh unexpected but please come inside.” Arm smiled as well and so they entered together.

After he put away the staff, Arm offered Joss some water since the younger was a little exhausted from running.

“So what is going on?”

“I want to ask you something…wow it’s hard.” Joss felt his hands get sweaty and his mind empty.

“Let me guess. It’s about Tay.”

Joss looked up and had a totally surprised expression in his face, which made Arm chuckle. “Don’t look at me like that. I am around you guys a lot and know Tay very well. So let me ask you a thing: Do you like my friend?”

Joss smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

“Good, so just tell him and I am sure he will say yes to you.”

Joss grinned and came closer to hug Arm. “Thanks man!!” Arm smiled and hugged back. “You are very welcome.”

Then after they separated and Joss was about to leave, Arm spoke again: “If you ever hurt him-”

“I won’t. Thanks again!”

With this Joss was sure now what he was going to do! And he was so ready!

The next day when Tay rang his doorbell, Joss couldn’t help but feel all butterflies in his belly. But he was nervous as well and checked his appearance again before running down to not let Tay wait too long.

“Hey.” Tay was leaning at his car and smiling at him.

_He looks so handsome…omg_ Joss felt like he could sink to the ground, so weak did his legs feel suddenly.

“Hey Tay!” As Joss stood opposite to him and looked down, he hardly suppressed the urge to kiss him. He couldn’t do that. He seriously couldn’t…not here and not now.

So at least he hugged him and pressed the smaller guy to his chest. At first, he felt surprise in Tay’s posture but then he relaxed and reciprocated the hug strongly.

“Let’s go.”

The ride was in silence, but Joss couldn’t help to steal glances of Tay and he noticed the other one was doing the same. Arm was right, it only needed one of them to take the final step and things should work out.

The evening was enjoyable. Joss sat next to Tay and at first there were Gun and New with them. 

“You mean Papii didn’t do that?”

“I don’t know, but it looked differently…”

Gun was laughing now. Joss couldn’t really follow the conversation between Gun and Tay since they were talking about something Off did one time and Joss wasn’t there so he couldn’t get the inside jokes. 

He looked at New and saw that he already drank quite a lot. Tay and Gun and himself had some drinks as well, but all in a good measure. Well he already heard from Tay’s stories that New likes to get really drunk but could hold it and wasn’t to worry about.

“I’ll talk with Mild a little bit, see you later!” Then Gun left and placed a kiss on Tay’s cheek. Joss eyed him, but really tried to stay calm. He knew Tay and Gun were really close friends, but still this was a little too close.

“Sorry, he is like this…”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Joss placed his hand reassuringly on Tay’s, who smiled then, before turning to New: “Have you any idea?”

Called guy wasn’t answering and so he spoke loudly: “New!”

“Yes Tay!” 

Joss chuckled at the sight of a very drunk New.

“Gun just left and I wanted to plan something for…you know, our friend. The problem.” New seemed to have no idea what Tay was saying and looked at him confused. Joss had no idea as well, but he shouldn’t mind…he wasn’t that close to them and so maybe they needed some privacy?

“Oooii you are so dumb when drunk.” Tay complained.

“I can leave if you need to talk about something private.” Joss really didn’t want to be in the way…

“No!” Tay said and turned towards him. “Don’t go.” Tay looked at him with puppy eyes and even came a little closer.

“It’s no private matter…just a secret a friend shared with us. Well it wouldn’t cause any damage if I told you honestly.”

“You don’t have to… I can also leave you alone for a moment and talk with other people.”

“No don’t- except you want to of course!” Tay looked confused. “I don’t want to keep you here, if you want to speak with others…I thought-” Now he looked like lost puppy and Joss really tried to make himself clear. “I would love to stay all evening with you, I just wanted to give you some space… don’t worry.”

“Okay that is nice…indeed nice.” After smiling at each other, Tay continued again: “It’s only that Off has feelings for Gun and me and New want to help them.”

Oh that was unexpected and so Joss raised his eyebrows. Tay nodded and added: “Strange right? But they fit, don’t they?”

Joss looked deep into Tay’s eyes and couldn’t help but think about them two. “They do.”

“Man I understand now!” New returned to face Tay and broke their moment.

“Too late I told Joss already, so we can talk freely anyway now.”

“Can you do that? Just tell random people about Off’s feelings…” 

Joss felt guilty…New was right, this wasn’t his to know.

“Joss isn’t random. He is the closest person to me right now.”

Joss’ heart started racing and he smiled. He wanted to be closer to Tay. Closer than they were already, so he at least touched his thigh to make sure Tay understood he was the closest person for him too.

“Waaaaaaiiit whaaaat!?” New screamed and pulled him and Tay out of their bubble again. Right in that moment in was rather quite in the room and so all people turned to them.   
Joss was confused. Why was he screaming suddenly and why did Tay panic and closed New’s mouth?

“New what the heck? Guys, it’s all fine, continue talking, he drank too much already.”

“Don’t.” Tay then said and Joss was sure they could read each other’s mind again, because he himself was clueless. 

Tay leaned forward and went on talking with a low voice: “So to come back to Off and Gun. We really should think about something. Also if Off says he is okay or whatever, I know he surely isn’t. They slept together for fuck’s sake! I really don’t know what happened these last weeks between them…I was busy with myself...”

_They slept together?!?_ Joss was again wondering but as he heard Tay’s voice getting desperate, he quickly looked at him and saw he was sad. He was obviously blaming himself for not being a good friend. So Joss put an arm around Tay and pressed a small kiss on his hair. He whispered silently: “Don’t blame yourself…”

Tay nodded and thankfully put a hand on Joss’. It felt so good to touch Tay’s bare skin that Joss didn’t want to let go ever, but then New spoke again and Tay slowly let go of his touch.

“We should tell Gun.”

“No! That could be bad. Off said, Gun doesn’t love him back.”

“But how can he know??” New was speaking really emotional.

“He told him.” Tay’s face was serious.

“Hmm. Then he lied. I am in for telling him here and today…”

New stood up, but Tay held him back. “Don’t do it.”

“I am only getting a drink, chill down.”

With this New left them two alone in the corner of the couch they were occupying.

“Uuuhh this guy makes me mad!” Tay exhaled and leaned back, covering his face in exhaustion.

“I can’t say a lot in this matter, because I don’t know their circumstances and history…but what I know is, that regret is way worse than getting your heart broken one time. At least one has clarity then.”

Tay nodded and Joss saw a chance here.

“Come with me. I need to tell you something…” Joss stood up and stretched his hand out. Hesitantly Tay took it and Joss pulled him to a room, which turned out to be one of the bedrooms.

“Let’s sit here.”

Joss was getting nervous although his feeling said to him all would turn out fine. Just this very small possibility of Tay not liking him back and destroying their friendship was enough to make him unsure.

As they sat next to each other at the side of the bed, Joss scooted closer and put a hand on Tay’s.

Then he looked at him and saw a confused Tay sitting there. He looked so adorable, not understanding what was going on, but still Joss saw some happiness in his eyes.

Joss thought and thought what he could say, but after a few minutes of pure silence and staring he stopped and just leaned in.

He gently pressed his lips on Tay’s to make sure, the other one could back off in case he didn’t want this. But since the older one didn’t move at all, Joss intensified the kiss and started putting pecks on the soft lips of his love. Then he raised his hand to cup Tay’s face. He actually just wanted to feel more! He wanted to feel the smooth and warm skin under his hands and was feeling delighted when he finally did. He carressed him while capturing Tay’s lips again. The other one started moving too but was really reserved, so Joss was still not sure if he was allowed to raise the kiss level. He wanted to taste him so much!

“Wait-”

Suddenly he heard something from Tay and he backed off immediately. Both were breathing hard and Joss saw Tay licking his lips before looking up at him.

“What-” Tay looked confused and seemed speechless, but suddenly his face lightened up and one of his big smiles appeared on his face. Joss smiled back and took hold of Tay’s face again, to pull him close.

They had their foreheads pressed together and breathing in unison.

“You okay?”

Tay only nodded and put his hands over Joss’.

After some more seconds, Joss leaned in and they kissed again. This time it felt a little more familiar and he was sure Tay liked it and so Joss enjoyed even more.

Then they broke the kiss and Tay said with a shaky voice: “We should go back before people will think we are lost.” Joss laughed but agreed. 

They stood up and as Tay wanted to open the door, Joss held him back.

“Let’s talk later at your place, okay?” Tay nodded only, turned around only to stop in his movement. A second later he felt Tay in his arms, hugging forcefully and pushing his face into his strong chest.

“Thank you so much.” Tay whispered and let go then. Joss couldn’t reply because Tay was away too quickly.

Joss made sure the door was closed properly, when suddenly Tay was again in front of him. “Okay I think something bad is happening! I need to go to Off!”

Joss was not sure what was happening now and tried to help Tay. “He could be in the kitchen.”

His lover quickly ran to said room and then he was gone. Joss saw some of the guys looking at him, but he just smiled. He was about to follow Tay to the kitchen when suddenly Off ran out of it towards the bathroom door behind him. So Joss made way and stepped aside.

_What the hell was this here?!_

Joss was totally confused, because the next moment Gun stormed out of the bathroom, where apparently New was in as well, pushing the door into Off’s face. Joss wanted to help but Off ran after Gun and they left.

“What was this?” He said in the room, but most people didn’t even see this incident. New went back to the party as well having a happy smile on his face.

Joss made his way to the kitchen in the hope to find Tay there.

“…it’s fortunately not like last time.”

“Sorry to interrupt you.” Tay turned around and stopped whatever he talked to Arm. “I wanted to tell you that Off and Gun ran outside…Gun seemed pissed. I don’t know but maybe we should check on them?”

Tay nodded and quickly made his way to him and together they headed outside. In the darkness Joss only saw Gun heading to his car with quick steps and Off standing there. 

“Ooookay, it seems this ended not well.” Joss stated and Tay agreed. They walked towards Off, when suddenly they saw the tall guy starting to shake and the next moment to break down and fall on the ground. 

“Off!!” Tay ran and kneeled next to his friend. “Off! What is happening? Off?!” 

Joss was there now as well and tried to calm Tay down. “He seems only to be fainted. Let’s bring him inside.”

“Can you carry him?” 

Joss nodded and lifted Off from the ground. He was not light, but it was okay.

Shortly before they arrived at the bed, Off regained consciousness. So he placed him on the soft mattress and then stepped back, so that Tay could better talk with his friend.

It was about Gun and the feelings Tay mentioned earlier. Such a sad situation…Joss hoped everything would work out for them.

“I want to go home now.” Joss never heard Off sound so sad and wretched as at this moment. Tay helped him get up and grabbed his hand. Then he turned to him.

“Joss I will take him home. I’ll call you later. Okay?” Joss understood and nodded. Since Off wasn’t looking at them right now, he couldn’t stop himself and carressed Tay’s cheek. Then Arm entered the room and Joss stepped back, feeling somehow out of place.

He returned to the group and made himself comfortable on the couch again.

The rest of the evening was nothing compared to when he was enjoying his time with Tay. He talked and laughed but constantly felt something missing…was it also maybe because they haven’t talked yet about the kiss?

“How do you come home? You came with Tay before, right?” Arm sat next to him. 

“I don’t know yet…in case I crash here.”

“I can drive you.”

Joss smiled and thankfully accepted. Not long after that, they decided it was time to leave since the last few people where really drunk and some fell asleep already.   
“We will also take Singto with us.” Joss smiled and the three went to the car.

“I sit behind, because I will need to get off first.”

Joss was really sleepy, Singto was looking at his phone and so nobody talked until Arm tried to make some conversation.

“So how are your projects going? You’ll get a second season of _Friend Zone_ right.”

Joss and Singto nodded. 

To be honest, Joss didn’t want to think about new series already, because his last on barely finished shooting. Also he didn’t want to think about acting with somebody else than Tay right now. He sighed, pushed away his thoughts and tried to return to the conversation Arm and Singto where having.

“…would play a gay character?”

“Of course! Just I am not mainly an actor…it’s not that I have straight roles, I simply have any roles.” Arm laughed at his own words.

“You played in Water Boyy.” Joss stated and Singto approved.

“Not long ago I talked with Toptap about it. He said he liked that time a lot, you all had hella fun together.” Joss remembered how Toptap’s eyes glittered when he talked about that on their set not long ago.

“Oh. That’s great!” Arm seemed a little taken back and Joss didn’t understand what caused his distressed look.

Only a few minutes later they arrived at Singto’s house and waved him goodbye.

As soon as they started again, Joss smiled and spoke: “Thanks a lot, you know…for everything!”

Arm smiled and nodded, but obviously didn’t want to deepen this topic. Then he spoke again: “So about Toptap…did he say something about me as well?”

“Not that I remember…only that you and him got to know each other better at shooting Water Boyy but not more. Why? Should he have said something?”

“No! I just wondered…forget it.”

And so they were silent until finally Joss was seeing his condo. He thanked again and hopped off. 

That day was really demanding and long, but nonetheless Joss found it was the best one in ages, because he was on a good way to become Tay’s boyfriend!


	34. Spill the tea (14) POV New

“Guuuuun!” New took a place next to his little friend. “You left us and I don’t even noticed.”

“You are really drunk New.” Gun stated but smiled.

“I’m totally fine, just having fun! Do you too?” Gun nodded and took a sip of his drink. 

“So why are you not with Off?” New tried to sound nonchalant, but Gun eyed his suspiciously.

“We don’t have to stick together all the time, he enjoys himself too.” Gun looked around and obviously coulnd’t see Off, because New knew he entered the kitchen right after him.  
“I just thought, you two like spending time together. Tay and Joss are glued together too, so I thought since you and Off also have this special bond you would as well…”

Gun furrowed his browns, visibly confused about what New wanted to say. It wasn’t easy, New had no idea how he should make Gun clear that he and Off had the possibility to be more than friends. “I mean I wouldn’t wonder if the two were dating, same with you and Off. You act like his boyfriend sometimes.”

“Why are we having this weird conversation right now?” Gun sounded a little harsh an New felt bad suddenly. He seemed to make even more confusion, rather than making things clear.

“Okay, come with me. I need to tell you something.” New stood up and looked back at Gun, who didn’t raise one millimeter yet. “Come on! It’s nothing bad, but rather private.”

So Gun stood up and followed New who entered the bathroom.

“New, you are acting weird.”

“Okay listen to me. I know I might not be in the most convincing state right now, but believe what I say. I just want you to be happy and I am sure it will make things better!”

New felt his heart beating, then he stumbled really fast: “Off is in love with you.”

Gun kept looking at him with an unreadable face.

New didn’t know what else do to. He actually expected Gun to not believe him at first but then happily jump around and thanking him. In his fantasy further he would run to Off and hug him and the night should end with a happy new couple.

But here they stood in silence until Gun broke it.

“That’s a joke?”

“No he does, he told me and Tay. He loves you so badly. And I’m sure you too! You could be happy together, have a relationship!” New smiled encouraging and really didn’t know why the heck Gun’s face darkened. What was going on?

The Gun turned around and went to the door. “Gun wait!” New saw Off right in front of the door. “Off…” New tried to say something but the older guy already ran after Gun.

Okay. This was not as he expected it, but probably Gun was only shocked and needed to fully process what happened. New was proud with what he did, he wanted to help so badly and this only could end well right? With a smile on his face he joined the others and drank some more beer.

It was only a few minutes later that he decided to lie down on the now rather empty couch for a while and fell asleep. The next time he woke up, the party was over and most of his friends left, so he grabbed himself a blanket and returned to the cozy spot he was sleeping at.


	35. Break down (15) POV Gun

Gun felt his world crumble. He suddenly couldn’t see clearly anymore and he felt like fainting every second. He knew what a panic attack felt like and exactly that was about to happen soon. It always starts like this. Every time a guy was being clingy or making innuendos of wanting something more with him, Gun started feeling this way. It was as if someone was choking him and this feeling of confinement returned. Luckily most of the times he handled the situations well and could make people clear that he was not giving up his freedom. Not anymore…

But right now, this was different. This was about his best friend.

Gun couldn’t take the stare from New anymore and turned around, hoping to make it until his car without starting to cry or vomit or something else. He didn’t listen to his surroundings. Somebody was calling him or even running after him. It didn’t matter now. He just wanted to leave. To run away from the bad thoughts, he was having. Why did Off do this to him?

“Gun wait!!” The person Gun didn’t want to see right now was suddenly holding his arm. The older one said some more things, but Gun still was numb. He turned around and looked at Off. 

Suddenly his panic turned into an unknown anger and he tore his arm away. His mind was racing and the fact that Off had wet eyes made him feel even worse. This guy had the audacity to cry now?! When he was hurting Gun so much with lying all these months?! Suddenly it made all sense in Gun’s head. The way Off let him be close to him!! Gun was so stupid to not realize that a straight guy wouldn’t suddenly enjoy sleeping with a guy without any reason. All this softness Off was giving him, now it was all so clear.

Gun suddenly felt the need to attack, to make Off clear what he did.

“It’s not true you say?! But you know what, it makes a lot of sense. It fits with the things that changed between us, it fits with the things you said and made me wonder.”

“No…Gun…it’s not as you think…”

Was he denying it now? Off’s reaction was answer enough, but he still could ask anyway. “You tell me New invented it?” 

Gun saw Off crying now and it hurt him bitterly. He didn’t want that, but his mind couldn’t think straight yet and his panic mixed with the fact that he was about to lose a friend made him feel so fucking desperate.

“Just please tell me that it is not true, that you are not in love with me.” They could still be friends if this was the case. Otherwise Gun had no choice but to step back and bring some distance between them.

“I can’t tell you that because it would be a lie.”

Gun felt it like a hit into his guts. This couldn’t happen right? He couldn’t lose Off this way. But his mind and his heart had different opinions and right now his mind packed with a trauma and bad experiences won over. He threw some more words at Off, not being sure what he was even saying, since his thoughts were all over the place.

After a while he just wanted to leave, because he felt the adrenaline, that was holding him together, slowly retreating and one thing he didn’t want right now, was to have an emotional breakdown here in front of Off. 

“You know what? I will go home now, I’m sorry to leave you alone with that, but I just…” Gun felt his voice crack now a little too and just wanted to leave. “I don’t know right now, what is worse. That you love me or that you didn’t tell me. We could have talked and looked for a solution.” If Off only told him earlier, then Gun could have made him clear where this wouldn’t ever lead and that they only could be friends.

But that was all in vain now.

He turned around and left. His feet were working automatically, because actually he had no power left. He reached the car door when he felt the first tear running down his cheek. He quickly opened it and sat down.

Then the tears started streaming down and he sobbed. He took a tight hold on the wheel and let out all his anger that turned into bitter sadness.

Now that this feeling of suffocating cause by his panic vanished, he realized how fucked up his life was and how much he hurt the most important person in it.

_I’m so sorry Papii, but I can’t give you what you want._


	36. Love you (15) POV Tay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late update, but I had an exam and really wanted to focus on that! :)

_Can we meet today?_

Tay looked at the message he received from Joss already an hour ago. Off left a few minutes ago and so Tay didn’t check his phone immediately, he needed to make some order in his apartment and in his mind first.

But now he was sitting on the couch and staring dumbly at his phone, not knowing what to answer. Of course he wanted to meet Joss! They needed to talk!

_Sure! <3 Do you want to come to my place?_

Was the heart too much?! Tay stared another few minutes at his unsent message, before pressing the button and putting away his phone immediately. Oh God! Tay was such an unsure wimp, because suddenly he started thinking again. What if this yesterday was just some slip from Joss’ side and he doesn’t feel the same? Tay didn’t expect to have any chance, especially since he tried to get closer to the taller guy that one night he was drunk. He still felt the sadness in his heart, as Joss turned away. Although he said he rejected him since he wanted to be on a clear mind, Tay couldn’t fully believe it. Surely Joss just wasn’t into him.

But then he kissed him.

Why though? Could it be reality? That Joss liked him back…

Tay ran his hand through his hair and with a sigh he leaned back on the couch. All his happiness he felt when telling Off about his feelings, suddenly disappeared and despair took over him. He just didn’t want to be happy already and then get disappointed…

A ring on his phone stopped his thoughts and he checked it quickly.

_Great! I’ll be there in about 2 hours. I bring dinner along <3 <3 <3 ___

__Okay? Joss sent three hearts! Tay swallowed and a smiled creeped on his face. Maybe this was still turning out to be true?_ _

__He looked at his watch and saw it was 4 pm. Joss would come at 6 pm, so he had some more time to tidy up and get ready._ _

__Tay stepped out of a long shower full of thoughts, when he saw he didn’t bring any cloths to the bathroom, so he just tied his towel around his waist. Although he was in his own apartment, he didn’t like to run around naked._ _

__What he didn’t expect, was to hear a knock at his door as he was crossing his living room._ _

__Shit, who was this?! Was Joss already here? Tay looked at the big clock on the wall and saw 5.40. How the heck did he spent one full hour in the bathroom??_ _

__Tay stood there, panicking and so the person knocked again._ _

__“Tay?” It was Joss obviously._ _

__Suddenly some movement came into Tay and he went to his bedroom. Shit! He should say Joss he needed a moment. He returned to the door and said: “One moment!” Then he ran back again, tossing his towel on the bed, grabbing some shorts and a shirt and putting it one hastily._ _

__He tried to bring some order into his hair, but it was still wet, so it was all useless. He exhaled and opened then._ _

__In front of him stood a gorgeous looking Joss, smiling at him and holding a bag with take way food._ _

__“Hey.” Tay said shyly, hoping his appearance was acceptable._ _

__“Hey! Did I bother you doing something?”_ _

__“No! I just forgot the time and…shower...” Tay mumbled and looked down, feeling the urge to close the door again._ _

__“You are so cute, when being shy.” Tay looked up when hearing these words and felt blush creeping up his cheeks. “Can I come in now?”_ _

__Tay stood aside and Joss entered. Tay looked at his friend who took off his jacket and his shoes in a way Tay felt some kind of domesticity. It made him indescribably happy Joss felt so at ease and went for it, without asking Tay or waiting for his orders. And so it was also that Joss sat at the couch now draping the food on the table and then looking up._ _

__“I know it’s a little too early but I’m so hungry, you come?” He was saying it so gently, that Tay couldn’t help but blush a little before joining Joss._ _

__“Thank you.” And then they started eating in silence. After the boxes were all empty and their bellies full, Joss grabbed the waste and put in in the kitchen, returning quickly. Tay observed him all the time._ _

__“You stare at me a lot today. I feel honored.” Joss said that as soon as he took place next to Tay again and then grabbed the smaller one’s hand and gently held it, running his thumb over the back of it sometimes. Then they looked at each other._ _

__“I guess I was clear yesterday and as far as I understood you feel the same, right?”_ _

__Tay just stared at his friend and nearly couldn’t hold himself together._ _

___This is really happening…_ _ _

__“Yes. I feel the same.” Tay said then not once breaking eye contact with Joss. Then Tay saw a broad smile in front of him and all he wanted was to kiss it._ _

__And Tay did. He leaned in quickly and pressed their mouths together. At first he still felt some of Joss teeth from his open mouth but then the taller one joined kissing and so their lips met and started moving together._ _

__Tay was glad that Joss took lead in the kiss again, although he himself started it. He was just unsure of what to do, but he just let himself go and tried to mirror Joss’ movements. Not long and he felt strong hand on his arm and neck. Simultaneously Joss also tried to open Tay’s mouth to enter it. Tay let him and then felt a tongue in his mouth. And that was when Tay moaned._ _

__“Ahh!”_ _

__Oh God! He didn’t want to do that, but he was just overwhelmed by what he was feeling. Joss made him feel so amazing. The strong hands running over his back and the feeling of the muscular body under his hands was giving him the rest and so he felt starting to get excited._ _

__“Tay hmm…” Joss broke the kiss, garbed his face in both hands and placed soft kisses on his cheek, nose and then forehead._ _

__Tay felt all tingly and smiled. Joss was making him feel so special and he couldn’t help a tear of joy leaving his now closed eyes. Joss saw and kissed it away._ _

__“Tay…”_ _

__“I love you.”_ _

__Tay didn’t think and just spoke. He still had his eyes closed and knew Joss was looking at him and maybe he should look back. But he didn’t want to know Joss reaction to his dumb words._ _

__“Tay, look at me.”_ _

__Since Joss sounded positive, Tay did, and his heart started racing again so much as he saw this man in front of him. Will this ever change? Tay collected his courage and repeated: “I love you, Joss.”_ _

__Joss smiled and bit his lower lip. “You don’t know how happy this makes me. I love you too!”_ _

__Tay grinned and pulled the other man in his arms into a fierce hug. Joss was indeed so incredibly strong, since Tay felt air leaving his body a little. He hid his face in Joss’ neck and placed a kiss there._ _

__“So you are my boyfriend now?” Tay asked shyly, needing another assurance, since he was so new to this all. They released the hug and Joss took both his hands in his._ _

__“I hoped for it and would be incredibly happy to be.”_ _

__Tay smiled and nodded and fell again in Joss arms, crawling on his lap. He felt so secure and sheltered in that moment and incomprehensibly happy to be with this guy._ _


	37. Shopping (15) POV Gun

Gun didn’t know what he did the last few days. He tried to shield his mind from thinking about Off because it honestly made him despair. He tried to distract himself with many things, but the best was shopping. So Gun was sure he spent already more money the last week, than the whole last month. But his distress also helped him to decide that he finally would purchase the one thing he wanted for so long, but never brought himself to do.

“Here we go Mr. Punsawat.”

The jeweler showed him a box and opened it. Inside was a sparkling ring full of diamonds. The sight of that beauty brought a smile on Gun’s face, a thing that didn’t happen so often these days. 

“Amazing.” Gun reached out and run over the sparkling accessory. He exhaled and then nodded at the man, who gave him the ring to try it. 

Gun’s hands were shaking, and he slowly put it on. It fit perfectly.

“Thank you, I love it!”

“Great. You want to keep it on?”

Gun thought about it and shook his head. It was too risky, he still needed to get used to wearing it and better at home, where it can’t get lost.

So the man put it back in the box and in a nice bag. Gun took it and then he started getting nervous. It was a lot he was about to pay, he knew it already from when he ordered the ring. Still it was kind of stressful. All the time he had to think about what Off would say.

_You should save for the future. We never know how things develop, maybe we don’t get any jobs soon._

_You need another ring? Don’t you have already at least five?_

_Have you thought about it thoroughly? What will people-_

“You pay with card?” Gun got interrupted by the cashier, nodded and handed the piece of plastic.

He wanted Off with him. Here and now. Has he ever done something like this alone? 

Gun couldn’t think longer, because he received his card again and waved goodbye. Then he left the shopping center as quick as possible and went to his car in the garage. He should be euphoric now, finally having a beautiful accessory for an everyday outfit as well as elegant night robe.

But all he felt was this pressure in his chest, he couldn’t get rid of since he had the fight with Off. He was torn between wanting to be with his friend, but also didn’t want to give him any hope for what Off obviously saw in him. And right now, the second feeling was stronger, because Gun just couldn’t give him more than a physical relationship.

After a while Gun opened his phone, trying to get distracted, but also on social media all he saw was Off. So he started the engine and drove home, trying to lighten up his mood with the thought of unwrapping his bag later and wearing the ring.


	38. Mom (16) POV Godji

Godji was nervous. Although the show wasn’t live, they still had audience and also not endless time. She somehow was responsible for the whole thing and right now sitting backstage and going over the sequence of the show again.

“Hey you.” She looked up and saw Mike smiling down at her. Immediately her heart started beating a little faster and she smiled as well.

“Hey.”

“So are you ready for today?” Mike placed his hand on her shoulder, gently caressing her. 

“Not at all! You guys are all so tiring and playing around, already now I don’t know how to fit the time schedule.” Godji sounded a little sad but also kind of joking. Nonetheless Mike pulled her up and embraced her. Then he whispered in her ear: “You can do it. You are so talented, and all people listen to you, so don’t worry.” Godji smiled and inhaled the scent of her boyfriend. “Thank you.”

Then she looked around and saw that nobody was around. So she took Mike’s face in her hands and pressed a little kiss on his lips. He seemed really surprised but kissed back, this time lingering a little longer.

As they eventually separated, they chuckled and pressed their foreheads together. “Somebody could see us…” Godji said not seriously concerned, enjoying this way too much. Mike obviously felt the same and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

“Yes, me for example.” Suddenly they heard a voice and turned around.

“Gun!” Godji was really surprised and Mike turned half away, visibly shy. “It’s-”

“You don’t need to explain, I know.” Gun smiled and both Mike and Godji exhaled. 

“I will return to the others.” Mike quickly said pressed a small kiss on her cheek.

Godji blushed and turned to Gun who looked neutrally at her, seemingly wanting to talk. “Are you okay?”

Gun agonized and Godji came closer, feeling that her little boy was not okay. She already knew something was wrong, because the last few weeks she saw that Gun kind of isolated himself. He didn’t have many appointments, but nonetheless he would spend time with his friends from GMMTV as far as Godji knew him.

“I just don’t know if I can handle today’s show…”

Godji put her arms around Gun and so the guy could rest on her chest. “What happened?”

“I don’t know why I haven’t talked to you earlier, but I want to now…I am feeling so sad.” Gun wasn’t crying but sounded desperate. He went on quickly, talking really silent now, so that nobody could overhear them. “Papii is in love with me.”

Godji had to process the said for some moments. First of all she was suprised, although she really shipped Off and Gun and really could understand, that people easily fell for this little cutie, she didn’t expect that from Off suddenly.

“How do you know?”

“New told me, he thought I feel the same and wanted to help and then I asked Papii himself and he confirmed and then we had a fight and I just don’t want that!” Gun talked fast, jumping a little in desperation and Godji tried to calm him down by patting his back.

“I see. But that is no reason to fight. Also if you don’t feel the same, you could have talked.”

“But he lied to me!!” Gun suddenly was loud and looked into her face. “He used me…or well not really but still!” Godji looked at Gun and didn’t understand, but saw Gun biting his lips, which meant that he wasn’t telling the whole story. “Gun? What do you mean by that?”

“We slept together. Quite often…it started in a drunk night and you know me…I’m not averse to the idea of some fun.”

Gun closed his eyes and Godji knew he was indulging himself into memories. In the meantime, Godji was thinking. She didn’t want Gun to be sad or have a bad relationship with Off. Not only their personal lives could be affected but also their career. Their couple should still sail for a long time…

“What do you say, mae?” Gun looked at her with a pouting face.

“You know, feelings can’t be forced. Not yours to develop and not his to stop.”

“But I want that! I want to be his friend again…”

“Then you should try it. Talk with him, don’t ignore him and especially respect his feelings as well. You know, it is hard for him too.”

“I just wish I could give him what he wants. But I can’t-”

Godji knows. She was there for Gun since the beginning. He trusted her, shared his past and could always count on getting support.

“I know.” She stepped forward again and hugged him. “We will find a solution. Today just enjoy the games and try to act normal around Off. You are an outstanding actor. I know you can do it.”


	39. Trying (16) POV New

New only learned from Tay a few days after the party, what mess he made. Luckily Tay didn’t scold him too much, since they both had no idea about what was exactly going on between their friends and even his on screen partner would have guessed Gun would rather react positive.

But that all didn’t matter now, since it was New who screwed up things. And so he imposed it on himself, to solve the situation again. His schedule and the lack of contact to his friends made it harder than expected and he only saw them again at the shooting of ‘Schoolrangers’.

There was the rehearsal the day before and New really tried to catch Off after they called it a day, but he was already gone. 

“Man!” New ran through his hair and Arm noticed his distress.

“You want to apologize right?”

“Of course…I am responsible for this all.” New pouted and Arm put an arm around his shoulder. “Try it tomorrow again. In case I will talk to him as well.”

New was really thankful for that motivation and so he tried to think of a plan as the real shooting began.

But how should he do it? New didn’t even know if they still didn’t talk, as Tay suspected. But it seemed, now that New observed them and saw no interaction. Well there was a constant admiring gaze from Off on the smaller one, but Gun ignored him totally. At least he saw both guys laugh and enjoy the games, so no heavy depression was the case. 

After a while, New seized this little pause and went to Off.

“Off, Off!” The older one was totally in his thoughts and turned only after New called him loudly.

“Off can I talk to you since we have a break now? I wanted already yesterday, but you left so fast! I never wanted-”

“New just leave it. Okay? I’m not really mad, just let’s not talk now.”

New had a pleading look on his face and tried to make Off stay, but he turned away. 

“I’ll make it up again.” New was really determined! But also really clueless…

“Taaaay!” New went to his friend, who was standing alone and observing his friends.

“Hey New. What’s up?”

“Ooooii I just can’t make Off talk with me…I want to apologize and…I don’t know, I just feel so guilty…”

New stepped closer and hid his face in Tay’s shoulder, who smiled and gently patted his back. “You know, you deserve to feel bad a little. It’s not as if me and Joss didn’t warn you. Nonetheless I want things to be better as well…so any idea? They are both here right now…”

“Gun ignores Off all the time, I observed them.”

Tay chuckled and pushed New away from him to look at him properly. “You observed? Good. Don’t act before thinking.” Tay made a pause and looked thoughtfully at Off. “You know that he is jealous as fuck? I just played with Gun before and then he hit me with the ball. I mean I am no traitor for still talking to Gun, he doesn’t have any problem with me and so I won’t choose side.”

New agreed with what Tay said. Actually the main problem was that they didn’t talk. If only New could make them, or at least give a little nudge in the right direction…

The games continued and New found it all really hard, but maybe he was also just distracted by his thoughts. He tried to stay close to Off, since they also were in the same team, but the older one didn’t respond to his tries.

In the next break, New witnessed some cute scenes and suddenly saw Gun standing there playing with Godji, smiling and having fun. Off was standing not far, talking to Leo.

That was a chance he shouldn’t miss. Fuck Tay and his ‘thinking before acting’, sometimes the best things happened from spontaneous actions. So he ran towards his small friend and grabbed him. It was a waltz to carry Gun, since he was so small and light. After a first surprise, Gun made himself comfortable in New’s grip and placed an arm around his neck.

_Cute…_ New couldn’t help but smile a little. 

He made his way quickly to Off, who turned to them with a confused look. New wanted to hand him Gun, so they needed to be close and maybe would start talking. Also it would be a really cute OffGun moment and the fans would love it.

But it didn’t work. As soon as New got rid of Gun, the smaller one was held for a second by Off before that one put him down again. But what’s worse, was that Gun immediately turned around and walked away.

New furrowed his brows and the daring look from Off said all.

New wanted the ground to open and swallow him. Why is he always doing such shit?! He just wanted to help again...But he didn’t have time to sulk, because the fans wanted to take some pictures of the couples. 

Standing there with Tay and being all sweet made him happy, because it was something he knew, it felt like home. New couldn’t help but look at his friend quite often, and not for fan service purpose. He just remembered what he witnessed at the party and couldn’t help but wonder if his friend and Joss were really a thing. Wouldn’t Tay tell him as one of the first people? It wasn’t only a private matter but also concerned their job.

“New, whatever you are thinking, stop it and smile some more.” Tay whispered into New’s ear and the younger one tried to pull himself together for the rest of the show.

As everyone went to the showers, New tried to look for Off or Gun but didn’t see anyone. Also Tay seemed not to be anywhere and so he cleaned himself and left after saying goodbye to some friends he met at the parking lot.

What an unsuccessful day! New didn’t know if it made any sense to try to save the situation, since it wasn’t his choice anymore. Off and Gun needed to talk and sort their things out, he just could be a supportive friend in case on of them comes and asks for help or consolation.


	40. Confrontation (16) POV Gun

Gun tried to tune out Off totally. He didn’t look at his friend and was glad that they didn’t have to appear as OffGun at today’s show, they even were in different teams, which made it less obvious for the fans that something was wrong.

And actually a lot was wrong. Since that night, Gun couldn’t feel totally lighthearted anymore…he did spend time with some friends and enjoyed it, but at the back of his mind, Off was always there and with him the feeling of panic. He was constantly afraid Off would contact him or come to his house and demand things Gun couldn’t give him. He was so afraid to be caged in. The rational part of him knew, that Off could never do something to hurt him, since he was always so friendly (sometimes too much) and cared so much about him. Nonetheless the anxiety didn’t go away and Gun stopped all contact as far as possible.

And here he was now, surrounded by his fans that he loved a lot and playing some games. He enjoyed them of course, since he loved playing around and especially with his friends, but still he all the time felt the burning gaze of Off on him.

It didn’t help that Gun looked that way he did, Gun knew. He was wearing sports cloths, that meant tight trousers, and that meant his body shape was visible. Normally he would enjoy getting drooled over and feel the looks of his gay or bisexual co-actors on him. But this time he was glad for his oversized shirt, that would conceal his butt a little, because he didn’t want Off to find him too attracting.

Gun felt really lost in the breaks and was just glad Arm and Tay didn’t avoid him. He wasn’t sure how they felt in this situation or if Off told them or whatever. He was just happy to lie in their lap or fool around. His worries must have been visible on his face at some point because surprisingly Nammon came and hugged him after a while. They weren’t so close, but Gun was happy for some cuddle.

“Gun.” Godji came to him and tried to talk about the next moderation from his part, when she suddenly was dragged away by some guys and pushed on the ground. Gun laughed and observed with joy but also a little concern, what silly things were going on. After a while she came back and they held hands. 

“These guys will be my death…why can’t everyone be so cute as you-” Gun still smiled and was about to answer, when he suddenly was lifted and found himself in New’s arms. What was happening? Out of reflex he held himself tightly at the other’s neck but suddenly saw Off from the corner of his eye.

His heart started beating dangerously fast and he heard swooshing in his ears. Gun prayed not to get a panic attack now, that would be very bad. Off shortly held him before putting him on his own feet and looking away. Gun was glad for that and so he walked away. This must have looked so weird, but his mind was switched off and he was glad that the dizziness faded immediately, and he found Krist standing close. So he hugged him and found an excuse to stood next to him and the others, tying to calm down totally.

Gun wasn’t lucky that day. He somehow knew that at some point he had to pose with Off for some pictures, but what he didn’t expect was Off suddenly standing in front of him and even touching his shoulder. Gun felt so weak since he was tired now as well and this caused fear. He was so tired that in the worst case he couldn’t defend himself anymore. He felt so unsecure now, also if there were more than 20 of his friends around. He stepped away wanting to bring some distance between them and saw pity on Off’s face. Gun didn’t want to see that, but he couldn’t run away, this was his job. As Godji came and pushed them together, he tried his best and acted all cute, Off as well.

The rest of the show was enjoyable, but Gun felt so outpowered that he was glad, when they finished the punishment and they all could leave. He waved to his fans and followed the guys to the changing rooms.

He looked around and didn’t see Off. Also Tay and Arm and some more were absent, probably directly heading to the showers.

“Gun.” New called him and Gun looked up. Since that night, they haven’t talked, but Gun wasn’t mad at him at all. Actually he was thankful that he told him. Was he?

“New hey….” 

“Are you okay? You seemed so tired in the end and well I heard you are not doing well with Off.” Gun swallowed and nodded, feeling the urge to cry suddenly. Maybe it was the fact that somebody from the outside brought it up and combined with his tiredness…

“I would like to help you, just tell me what I can do.”

Gun shook his head and ran through his hair, trying to cover up his sadness. “No I just need to come to terms with the new situation…”

“Maybe you should try not to avoid Off as first step.” 

Gun knew New was somehow right and just shrugged. “I don’t know how. I don’t want to give him any hopes…”

“How about you start now.”

“And what should I say?” Gun felt like a little child now, who has no idea about the world, he hated this helpless feeling.

“All I know is that he, Tay and Arm left just now and probably they are at their car soon. You better go after them.”

Gun furrowed his brown, thinking and considering if it was clever. He could say goodbye to Tay and so also wish Off a good night…but how…

“Ohh I know!” Gun smiled at his idea, grabbed a half empty plastic bottle and ran outside. At first, he grinned and felt his heart beating, but suddenly he started getting slower and it hit him, what he was doing. This was so dumb. But it was too late, he was on the fresh air already and saw Tay and Off next to Off’s car.

“Taaaay!”

Gun came closer and took a deep breath. “Tay wait you forgot your bottle.”

Tay looked confused and Gun couldn’t even resent Tay’s feeling. This was so stupid, he looked down and pouted. 

“Okay, thanks I guess.”

Then Gun scratched his head, not knowing what to say. Suddenly he saw some movement from Off, who started pulling Tay with him.

“Bye Tay!” Gun was panicking again, this time just of nervousness and unfulfillment of what he wanted to do. His mind switched off and he walked the last few steps and was standing at the car door. Off wanted to close it and so Gun grabbed it. A confused Off looked up and Gun was glad his mind still worked a little and two words left his mouth: “Bye Papii…”

_Fuck._ Gun felt his breath stuck again as he saw the loving look in Off’s eyes and quicker than he could think, he doubled back and ran.

_Fuuuuuuuuck._ Only as he was back in the changing room and saw it was empty, he finally could breath again. He was so happy to be alone and automatically washed the dirt from his feet, that was there since the game ended and packed his things, feeling his hands shake.

On his way home, Gun decided, that things couldn’t go on that way. He felt how much he needed Off, but he needed him only as a friend, nothing more. Gun was sure he could achieve that, he also managed to get everything he wanted in the past, so why should Off be any different?


	41. Missing you (16) POV Tay

The Schoolympics were so much fun as every year and Tay couldn’t help but enjoy his time, also if he knew about the shit his best friend was going through. He tried to encourage Off to talk to Gun, but who was he to get in on that. It was enough, New was so directly trying to help. Tay smiled at the thought of his friend. New was a good guy and the ways he chose to help were…special. The way he carried Gun to Off…Tay chuckled, shook his head and decided to go to the toilet before the break was over.

On his way back, he crossed the changing rooms and decided to check his phone. He saw a lot of messages but only one caught his attention. It was from Joss.

 _My boyfriend…_ Tay thought and loved how it make him feel.

_Have a good day and a lot of fun ;*_

Tay felt his cheeks heat up, as he saw a picture after the text. Joss sent him a selfie with a kiss face and looked like the cutest thing one earth. Tay was so whipped by this guy, even after a few weeks after getting together and seeing him quite often, the effect Joss had on him didn’t change at all.

Tay decided to send Joss a picture as well but felt like he looked so bad. No matter what angle he put it, he was not even slightly as beautiful as Joss. But Tay knew Joss would love a picture of him and so he made a silly face and hoped to make his boyfriend laugh. 

_Thank you <3_ Tay added and saw that Joss was online in this moment and even replied immediately.

_Cute <3 How long does your shooting go? I can pick you up, my friend will return my car today._

Tay smiled widely and was so happy to see Joss again, after a few days of busy schedules and no chance of meeting each other.

_Amazing, I will write you as soon as we finished_

_< 3_

Tay hurriedly put away his phone, noticing he spent 10 minutes here and ran back into the studio, smiling and feeling full of energy because his boyfriend would pick him up later.

After the show he sticked to Arm and Off and they fooled around as usual and cleaned themselves from the punishment, since in the end everybody was dirty, not only the losers.

Afterwards, Tay was about to write to Joss when he saw that he already received a message from him.

_Tay I am so sorry, but I don’t my car back yet…can somebody give you a ride? I could come to your apartment later and we can enjoy a nice evening together? So sorry…_

Tay’s face fell and he felt really sad suddenly. It wasn’t a big deal actually but he imagined the things already that way, so he was disappointed somehow.

_Don’t worry. I will find someone. Yeah, see you at my apartment in half an hour?_

“Are you here with your car?” 

Tay turned to Off, who smiled. “Yes, should I take you with me?”

“Emmm, yeah thanks. Actually, somebody should pick me up, but he just wrote he couldn’t make it.” Tay tried to sound neutral but couldn’t help to hear his own voice sound sad.  
“Sorry guys, I would love to talk more, but I need to hurry now, since I have some things to finish for tomorrow’s shooting.”

Arm waved goodbye and so Tay and Off walked together to Off’s car. Tay didn’t know if he should talk with Off about Joss now, especially after such a day, where Off surely felt sad after seeing Gun all day. He didn’t need to hear how his best friend was happy and-

“Taaaaay!”

The following conversation was so weird and Tay knew exactly that this was just a lame excuse by Gun to talk with him…or Off? Well as they started driving Tay tried to make it clear to Off again, that he and Gun needed to talk, also for their upcoming show’s sake.

As Tay left the car he quickly glanced at the entrance of his building and saw the outlines of Joss there. Tay hurried and then stood in front of a tall smiling guy and quickly fell in his arms. He could smell the fresh scent of the taller’s aftershave and felt safe in the strong embrace.

“I missed you.”


	42. First time (17) POV Joss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness, I finally managed to post a chapter again. So busy and I feel like the chapters are getting longer and more detailed again, altough I just wanted to fill the gaps in the main story!! LOL

“I missed you too.” Joss pulled the smaller guy closer into his arms and kissed his head. “Did Off drive you?” Tay nodded and they entered the condo.

“Did you have food? Shall we order something?” Joss was concerned, that his boyfriend was tired after a hard day as this one was and wanted to take care of him. Tay walked towards him after putting his things away and leaned his head on his chest, trying to be as close as possible. Joss smiled and felt his heart bloom.

“I had a lot of snacks at the filming, but if you want, sure.”

“I am also doing fine.” 

So no food was needed and Tay took Joss’ hand, pulling him to the sofa. They often sat there together and watched movies or just relaxed. At the beginning of their relationship some weeks ago, Joss sensed some uncertainty in Tay, but he tried to make him clear that he should just act as he felt, that was always right.

As they were lying next to each other on the small couch, Joss put his arm around Tay so he won’t fall and faced him. Then Joss whispered: “We are dating for about a month now…and I just wanted to say how much I enjoy it.” He placed a kiss on Tay’s forehead. He wanted to show Tay his affection in so many more ways, but he didn’t want to pressure him in any way.

In moments like this Joss somehow really could feel that they didn’t know each other for a long time. They were friends for a few years, but more distant ones and only came closer some months ago. That meant, that Joss sadly didn’t know everything about Tay. Also including his sexual experience. There was this rumor that Tay had his first kiss back then with New and that Mild was his first female kiss. Could that be? Joss found it plausible that Tay ever had sex with a guy, but no sex at all?

“What are you thinking?”

Joss’ eyes caught Tay’s wondering ones and he smiled. “Sorry I kind of drifted away.”

“It’s okay. I just wanted to tell you, that I feel the same. Thank you so much for taking me.” Tay bid his lips and looked so vulnerable and Joss was really touched.

“Nothing to thank for. You are amazing and I love you, actually I would need to thank you too…” Joss saw that Tay blushed and so he kissed his glowing cheeks. Once, twice…and then he made his way a little higher, placing a kiss at Tay’s jaw near his ear. “You are really amazing…” He aspirated and Tay took a tighter grip on his boyfriend’s hip, where his hand was lying all the time.

Joss went on, hoping this was all fine, but also expecting and being okay with a stop every moment. But it didn’t come as he placed more kisses on Tay’s jaw and then captured his mouth.

Tay’s lips were just so soft and Joss couldn’t get enough of his taste. So his tongue found its way inside and was glad that Tay was also into the kiss, as his tongue started playing with his. Joss felt some eagerness from Tay as well, since he started biting Joss’s lips every now and then when he had the chance.

Joss pulled Tay closer out of instinct and held him really tight. Their position wasn’t ideal, because their left or right hand, were kind of stuck under them and so Joss actually wanted Tay to lie on him or even under him, if that wasn’t too much for him.

“-mmhh Tay…” Tay stopped immediately, widening his eyes. It seemed he only realized now what they did and how hot the situation became. “Let’s turn a little okay?”

Tay didn’t say much and just nodded. Only as Joss moved and positioned Tay on him, he again seemed afraid or unsure. This guy was older than he himself and was still so shy.  
“Tay, is this okay…?” Joss wanted to be really sure and embraced Tay who put his face in Joss’ neck. “Yes it’s really great, I am just…not sure what to do…”

“Don’t worry just relax.”

So Joss started running over Tay’s back and placing hot kisses on his neck and wherever he could reach. He knew that they lay in a way so that they crotches actually touched a lot and he felt some first effects this had on him. It also didn’t help that Tay was moving a little bit every now and then. 

Joss started touching Tay everywhere he could, running through his hair and sliding under his shirt. “Tay…uughh…”

Joss bid his lips, feeling a little bad for getting so turned on and Tay just lying on him, without saying a lot. He just heard the heavy breathing at his ear and his equally hardening member on his.

“Tay, I want more.” Joss stated calmly, giving Tay a chance to say if he wasn’t okay, but Joss was quite sure he was also enjoying it.

“Ok…ok yes.” Tay mumbled, lifting his head and looking at Joss. “I want it too.”

Joss smiled and his heart started beating again faster. He took the cute face in his hands and pressed a kiss on Tay’s already swollen lips. Then he straightened up and made Tay sit on his lap that way. 

“Just do what you feel.” Joss repeated and kissed Tay again, cupping his head with one hand and scooting his hip closer with the other. Then he let go for a moment and pulled his shirt over his head. Tay looked at him with marvel and Joss smirked knowing his body was not bad. He then gripped Tay’s shirt, threw it on the floor as well and within a few seconds, his mouth found its way to kiss Tay’s torso.

He tasted so good and the hot skin under his lips was just amazing. Tay finally started some movement himself and put his hands in Joss’ hair and ran through it. Suddenly Tay tore a little harder and so Joss’ had to look up. As their eyes full of lust met, Joss felt so much love in his belly and he wanted to eat Tay up if he could.

“You are so yummy.” 

“Joss…” Tay laughed a little and put his hands on Joss’ shoulders.

Joss smirked as well and lowered his gaze to see that both their trousers were really tight now. “Let’s go in the bedroom, ok?” Tay nodded and stood up, visibly shaky from their doings. So Joss took his, locked their fingers and made his way to the bedroom, where he already slept a few times. 

Arrived there, Joss stepped closer again and cautiously started opening Tay’s jeans, still looking at his face, to see any fear or doubts. Tay swallowed but he seemed okay and stepped out of them. 

To Joss’ surprise, Tay pulled down immediately his boxers as well and was standing there naked, but fully comfortable. 

“Won’t you take your clothes off as well?” Joss quickly moved and then they were both looking at each other. Joss knew he had nothing to be ashamed of, he had a good size and was really happy with his body. He was also really aroused by Tay, because the smaller one, had a perfect body as well. Same muscular as he, only maybe a little more fat, but it was amazing nonetheless.

“Come.” Joss lead Tay to the bed and decided that it was okay to lie over Tay now. So he did and kissed him right away, to take any nervousness if existing. He lowered his body so that their upper bodies and dicks touched and started moving for some friction.

Their hands started roaming each other’s bodies and Joss knew he was really ready to start with some more action. So he reached in between them and took hold of their members, starting to stroke. 

“Aaahh…ahh...” As Joss release the kiss, for some air, he heard Tay moan and was happy for some feedback. 

Then he leaned to Tay’s ear and whispered: “Have you done this before?” Tay shook his head quickly and Joss kissed his cheek. “No worries. We don’t have to go too far…”

Joss continued stroking their dicks and kissed Tay again. He was okay ending it like this or he could also suck Tay, if he was okay with-

“Joss, I do want…to have real sex…”

Joss slowed down a little and looked down at his boyfriend, who had a determined look on his face.

Who was Joss to say no then?

“Sure, with pleasure. Do you…do you know how it works?” Joss wanted Tay to know what would happen and he would even let Tay be active if he preferred. 

“Yes I know. I am just unexperienced and not dumb…”

“Sorry, I just want that you feel alright. So do you want to take me for your first time?” Tay seemed a little unease but shook his head then. “I don’t know how to prepare you properly…you should lead this time.”

Joss was glad, it was indeed better that way. So he kissed Tay sweetly trying to take all fear he heard in his voice just now. Joss enjoyed and they quickly returned to be passionate and stroking each other’s bodies. 

Then a thought hit his mind. “Do you have anything here? Lube and condoms?” Joss had them always at home, so he didn’t actually think, that Tay maybe didn’t. To his surprise Tay nodded and pushed him a little away to reach the bedside drawer. 

“I bought them some days ago. You know…I kind of knew this would happen, but I…you know…I bought different ones, because I didn’t really know-”

“Tay…” Joss interrupted him and carressed his cheek. “That’s perfect, I know these one.” Joss took one condom package he used as well, took one out and place the lube on the bed. “Don’t be nervous or shy about this topic babe.” Tay smiled a little and nodded.

“Open your legs.”

Tay did and Joss slid to sit between them. Then he bent down and placed a kiss on Tay’s cock, which became rather soft again, same as his own. “Joss!” Tay exclaimed and whimpered when Joss started placing more kisses, also on his balls. His hands didn’t stay inactive and stroked over Tay’s tights, running closer to his ass every time. As Joss took all of Tay in his mouth, he heard more moans from his boyfriend and silently took the lube to wet his fingers. He easily could push the first one inside, Tay probably just felt a little weird, but it shouldn’t hurt especially since he distracted him.

Tay’s insides were so soft and warm, so that Joss felt himself harden again at the thought of fucking him soon. Also the hard cock in his mouth, lying heavily on his tongue did the rest and he really wanted things to get into action. But he needed to make Tay feel good.

So a second finger entered. “Uuuhh, God!” Tay said and Joss looked up but didn’t see pain in Tay’s expression. So he moved his fingers, slowly opening him up.   
“Joss, it feels-” Tay paused, breathing hard. “It feels so good! I will…come soon.”

Joss was pleased to hear that and so he released Tay’s cock from his mouth, suddenly feeling empty. He looked down at the amazing sight of Tay’s big, flushed and wet member lying on his stomach and couldn’t help to want to feel it inside him. But that was for another time, hen Tay felt ready.

To fill the emptiness in his mouth, Joss stretched upwards and passionately kissed Tay. Meanwhile his fingers still moved and he added a third one, surprised how easily it went. “You feel okay?”

“Hmm, more than okay…please more…”

Joss obeyed and his fingers left after a while, making Tay whimper. He quickly opened a condom and pulled it over. He put a big amount of lube on himself then, stroking a little longer, just needing some friction.

Then he positioned himself and kissed Tay. He tried to distract him again a little and then he just pushed. It went easily, since he was not so thick. Joss breathed hard, feeling so good inside Tay. “You good…?” He struggled talking and really wanted to move, but he needed some confirmation of Tay first. His boyfriend had his eyes closed and muffled sounds escaped his mouth.

“Hmmnngh…yes, just move finally….”

Joss did and as he started moving, he embraced Tay, pulling him as close as possible ad trying to find a perfect position, so Tay felt amazing. And it seemed he did, because Tay started moaning steadily and his expression soon turned into a blissful one.

Joss wanted this moment to last longer, but he felt precome leaking from Tay’s cock and was sure he himself wasn’t that far from climax as well.

“I love…you…so much…” Joss said between thrusts and run his hands over Tay’s body and kissing his face again and again. Tay did the same and at some point, Joss felt Tay digging his fingers into his back very hard, nearly hurting a little.

“Joss! Uuughh!” And so Tay came between their bellies and Joss felt so overwhelmed by the way this guy made him feel and he sped up a little, this time concentrating to find himself pleasure. 

“Tay…Tay, Taaay…” He said and pulled their foreheads together and closing his eyes. After a few more thrusts, he came and filled the condom deep inside Tay.

Then it was calm and both of them were just breathing hard, trying to calm down.

“This was so good!” Tay said finally, breaking the silence. “I should have done this earlier.” He chuckled and Joss joined, nodding. “But then it wouldn’t have been with you…so maybe I’m really glad I only did it now.” 

Joss was really touched by what Tay said and kissed him sweetly. “That is really cute.” Tay smiled now widely and ran his hand through Joss’ hair. 

“Let me get rid of the condom and then we should take a shower.”

Joss did and as he came back, he saw Tay still lying in the bed looking like an angel. He approached him and looked down at the still smiling face. 

“I love you.” Joss smiled at Tay’s words and grabbed his hands. 

“Me too. Now come here, I will clean you.” And so Joss pulled Tay in his arms, who took a strong hold in his neck, placing his head in his shoulder, and carried him into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also check if you don't miss a chapter in between, especially if I post more than one on the same day. You sadly won't notice since there is no connection overall, but you'll miss some cute moments. :)


	43. Life without party (17) POV Gun

Everything just felt so boring, he had troubles sleeping and also ate less than before. Gun didn’t know why he was feeling all these negative things, while living as he always did. Of course he missed Off as a friend, but he shouldn’t be so dependent on him.

The last time he saw him was at Schoolrangers and that was already 2 weeks ago. Gun’s life was really quiet right now and nothing big was coming, but he wished for it. He wished for some kind of event or show, so that he was forced to meet Off. 

Gun could easily write him or ask him to meet, to talk or whatever, because he was sure Off would agree and try to solve their situation. He was always like this. Whenever they had an argument, Off came to him, demanding to talk and in the end they forgot about it and were doing great again.

Only this time Gun didn’t know if it was possible. This time there was so much at risk. 

But it didn’t help and so Gun took his phone and opened the chat with Off. _“Papii”_ was written there as contact name and Gun missed saying this name.

He quickly typed something about how he saw a cute clip today. He wanted contact with Off but couldn’t address the certain topic or anything similar.

Off surely would be wondering about his message, but Gun hoped he wouldn’t question it.

And so they chatted sometimes, always staying really shallow. Gun hoped it would get better that way, but it actually didn’t, it even got worse.

“Hey baby what is going on?” One of Gun’s friends asked him concerned, as he was just sitting at their table in the club and not dancing and enjoying as usual.

“I just can’t stop thinking about Papii.” She came closer and hugged Gun, who was thankful for some consolation. 

“You should enjoy yourself. Get on the dancefloor and take a guy home.” 

Gun knew she was right, and that’s also why they were here…to have fun. But Gun didn’t have and right now he also really wasn’t into getting off with somebody. Gun took another sip of his drink and felt quite drunk already, since he didn’t eat a lot earlier.

“Come!” She took his hands and dragged him to the dance floor. Gun followed without protesting, but he didn’t feel well in between all these people. He didn’t know what he wanted actually. Around him were many hot guys and a few also looking at him intensely and it was only a matter of time until one of them would make a move and Gun needed to decide.

“Uuughh…” He said out loud and didn’t even hear himself because of the loud music.

A few moments later he didn’t see his friend anymore and suspected she might have gone off with some guy as well and so it was one second later, that he felt a guy behind him. He placed his hands on his hips and leaned down to place his head on Gun’s shoulder.

“Hey cutie…”

Gun shivered and turned his head a little. This guy was exactly his type and under normal circumstances this would be an easy thing, but tonight…

“Eeeem, sorry!” Gun turned around and stepped back a little. His heart was beating so fast and a sudden drive to run away hit him. The guy looked confused and Gun was as well, but he felt the urgent need to leave and not do this. “Sorry.”

He was hastily making his way through the crowd and finally found the exit and was never so relieved to see a door.

The fresh air soothed his mind and his slight panic vanished. He was so fucked…he couldn’t even enjoy a party anymore. And what was his life without party?

Gun called a cab and on his way home, he knew that he had to take the reins now and finally get things with Off straight again. This all was getting him down so much. He couldn’t help but loose some tears on that evening as he cuddled himself in his bed, that seemed so big and cold that evening, feeling his heart hurting.

He wrote Off again the following days, feeling some kind of need to hear from him and was glad they even shared some emojis. It wasn’t long until their Fun Night special episode needed to be shot and Gun really awaited it eagerly.

He saw some hope in that day. Hope that after the shooting they would talk and Gun’s pain would ease a little. Gun was determined to invite Off for his Christmas dinner as well and saw a chance to establish their friendship as it was before. 

Gun was so freaking afraid that Off would misinterpret his proposal and think, they could be more again. They couldn’t, Gun wasn't made for love.

But what if Off said no? What if he was done with Gun and couldn’t even stand spending time with him as a friend? That was impossible.

So Gun was on pins and needles and due to lack of sleep he was accordingly exhausted and charged on the very important day of the Christmas special.


	44. About cameras and boyfriends (17) POV Gun

Gun still didn’t know how he managed the shooting, but it worked well and Off even agreed on coming at Christmas! Gun was genuinely happy for the first time in a while and had now some troubles choosing a present for Off. He wanted it not to be too big, but still something special, because he slowly realized that Off really had to go through a lot as well and he wanted to make up for it.

Gun took his phone and dialed the number of the one person who could always help finding a present: Tay.

_“Hey Gun!”_ Tay sounded really happy and Gun was again so glad, his other friendships were not affected by his current crisis with Off.

“Taaaay! I need your help!!” Gun tried to sound really desperate, but Tay understood it was nothing serious and said laughing: _“Oh my…what is it this time?”_

“I need a present for Off for Christmas and it’s really hard concerning the situation and all…”

_“I understand. We can meet at the shopping center later, think about it and buy something nice, ok?”_

Gun smiled and quickly they fixed a time in the afternoon.

Their hug lasted long. Longer than usual, but Gun just needed some more love these days, since he felt sad and didn’t see his friends that often.

“Gun? I really enjoy this, but people will spot us and it will put fuel in the fire of TayGun shippers…”

“Hmmm okay…” And so Gun let go and they made their way to a café. 

“So you need a present for Off? Did you talk or how come?”

“Not really, but I invited him over for Christmas and he said yes…I just want to return to how it was before-” Gun felt his throat tighten a little, since he never talked with somebody as close to Off as Tay was about that.

“Gun? Don’t worry. Although I know nearly everything, I won’t judge you. It’s not my business and being mad at any party won’t help in any way. I just can offer my help and open ear.” Gun smiled and marveled again, what an amazing guy Tay was.

“Thank you, Tay.”

“So about the present. I know that a while ago Off was really interested in my camera collection and started asking things, about photography and so on. So why not buy him a camera? Nothing too expensive, but still a good model?”

Gun found this idea amazing and nodded eagerly.

“Cool, so we could head to my favorite shop later and I will give you advise, to be honest I have already a model in my mind.”

“Thanks so much. But let’s change topic now, we haven’t seen each other in private for a while. What is new in the life of Tay Tawan?” Gun didn’t expect much, because since he knew Tay, the other one had always a really stable life, with nothing much happening and so they mostly talked about their series. But that day Gun saw a smile finding its way onto Tay’s face and Gun knew something was going on.

“Taaay? What is there? Tell meeeeeee!” Gun was excited as hell and nearly stood up to jump a little.

“I am in a relationship.” Tay blushed and looked down and Gun calmed down, his mouth falling open. Tay was in a relationship? And Gun didn’t know??

“Taaaay! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?? Who? And how, omg tell me everything!!”

Gun listened to Tay’s story and smiled like a maniac all through it. This was a perfect love story and he couldn’t help but fanboy about them. “Shiaaa JossTay is real. Omg I love it! Uuuuuiiii!!”

“Gun you are worse than some fans, but yeah it’s somehow incredible, right?”

Gun’s heart was beating a little faster at the thought that his friend was so happy and finally having a relationship, because he knew that he never found anybody. Well until now.

“How is the sex? You like it, is he good to you?” Tay was visibly shocked and turned red, but Gun didn’t mind talking about this topic. He wanted to know!

“Gun! It’s all fine, really fine actually. Don’t- let’s not talk here about something like this.” 

Tay blushed again and smiled and shortly after they left and made their way to the camera shop. On their way, Gun didn’t stop bothering Tay and asking more and more questions about Joss. Tay shook his head and really tried to avoid answering but Gun was assertive. So a few hours later Gun had a pretty camera in his hands and all the details he wanted to know from Tay about his relationship in his mind.


	45. Christmas (17) POV Gun

Gun didn’t know where his head was that day. He was responsible for tidying up the house, while his grandma prepared the food and Pim bought some presents for some friends, she would meet before the family. But Gun couldn’t concentrate, he was just thinking about Off, whether he would come or cancel it the last minute.

Gun looked into the kitchen after a while and asked if he could help somehow. “Sweetie are you already finished? Why don’t you cut the vegetables?”

Gun was glad to receive some order and could focus on that. Some time later, Gun looked at the clock and saw that it was 4 pm already and he still needed to get ready. “Yai I need to shower, afterwards you can change yourself and I prepare the rest.”

She smiled and so Gun ran into the bathroom to shower first. Sadly his fear that Off wouldn’t come returned as he stood under the warm water and so he hit his head at the wall in despair. “Ooooiiii…”

He had simply no time to linger there any longer and finished his styling. He decided to dress not too elegant but rather cozy, since it was a family gathering. 

“Gun? Oh here. I am back now and will get ready upstairs, yai finished everything already, so don’t worry. But you should hurry, he will be here soon.” Pim winked and smiled sheepishly and closed the door again.

Gun ran his hand through his hair and wondered again about his sister. She loved Off just so much and wished that he and Gun would be happy ever after and marry and adopt children and so on. Gun was always really flustered by that, but in the current situation this was not subserving.

Gun probably has forgotten the time while staring into the mirror, because suddenly he heard a bell ringing. It could also be possible that Off was early, who knows! So Gun quickly stepped outside and saw that Pim was already at the door, hugging Off and his grandma standing behind waiting to do the same.

The older one spotted Gun then and smiled. Gun’s brain was not really working, only realizing now that Off indeed came. 

“Off come sit down, you must be hungry, looking really thin.” His granny led Off to his place and then all of then they were sitting.

Gun didn’t say anything and Off didn’t as well and so Pim whispered to her grandma: “They are so weird. Will I also be this way when I meet the love of my life?” The two women chuckled but Gun looked at them with an irritated gaze. He just hoped Off didn’t hear that nonsense they were talking about.

So they ate and Gun found it delicious as always. Well he also helped cooking a little, so he was proud of himself.

The conversation was really banal and mostly they had to talk about their series, co actors or fashion, since Pim led the conversation.

Gun tried to act normal, trying to feel as if he and Off were best friends again and it worked more or less. Also from Off he felt no special vibes, not negative nor positive ones. 

After they finally finished eating also the dessert, Gun decided it was time for the best part of the evening!

“Now let’s unwrap the presents!!” He was so freaking excited and headed to the Christmas tree.

He immediately spotted a box and saw his name on it. He grabbed it and opened it gently, checking on the name tag and saw that this was from his grandma. Inside was a beautiful simple bracelet made of silver. He giggled out of happiness and looked up, seeing Off was also opening something, probably from his granny as well and he turned to her.

“Yaai! You don’t need to buy me jewelry, it’s too expensive!” Gun thanked her, put it on and couldn’t help to admire it and be astonished how much it fitted with the ring.

Next he took the present, that seemed to be from Off, since he recognized his writing. It was something soft inside the wrapping paper, so it was probably clothing.

Gun expected something very different. He expected either an expensive collection product or any kind of special clothing. What he didn’t expect was, that it was a simple pullover of no brand he knew but with a cute Jerry on it.

He was speechless at first. Not because he didn’t like it, but because it touched him so much. Instead of buying something expensive and hoping to gain Gun’s favor, Off chose something really cute. As Gun looked up and saw Off looking at him with a concerned face, he stood up and knelt in front of Off. He looked him in the eyes and hugged him then, holding himself back to not to kiss his neck. “Thank you, I love it a lot.”

Gun sat on his previous spot again and indicated Off to open his other present. He smiled and was so excited and concerned whether Off would like it.

Then he spotted a smile on Off’s face but also confusion.

“Tay told me.” Gun said and Off looked up, still saying nothing. Since Off didn’t move and only looked down at the camera Gun continued: “I hope you like it.”

“Yeah a lot, thanks so much! Now I feel bad for only giving you a sweater…”

Gun didn’t want that Off felt bad or anything. “No it’s perfect. Next time you can buy me a big gift then!” Gun said with a joking tone but wouldn’t mind if Off took it seriously. A big present was always good.

They spent some more time talking and laughing until his grandma became tired and went to bed. Also Pim went in her room to call some friends.

Gun was really nervous suddenly, being alone with Off, but his tiredness stopped him from thinking too much.

“Are you tired too?” Off asked probably seeing it in his face.

“A little yes.”

“You should also go to sleep. I will drive home then.” Gun was relieved at first, since he didn’t know if it was clever to have Off stay overnight. Until now everything went well, so why risk it? But his manners called him to at least offer the place.

“Sure? You could sleep on the couch if you are too tired.” Gun saw something weird in Off’s face. Was it disappointment?

“Thanks, but I’m okay. Home is more comfortable.”

Gun nodded and as Off had all his things, he accompanied him to the door. Off exited but turned around as if he wanted to see if Gun wanted say some more, but Gun didn’t actually. So they both just stood there. 

Gun swallowed because suddenly he understood that Off was expecting something from him. Maybe some words about their situation? Did he hoped things changed with today? Shit! Suddenly Gun felt his heart beating faster and not enough air entering his lungs.

“Gun I lo-”

Gun heard Off starting to say it and immediately his eyes filled with tears. He didn’t want that, but he couldn’t hold himself together anymore. 

“Papiiii!” 

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Off’s waist. Gun’s head was pounding, and he just wanted to cry so badly, so he let it out. He was so desperate, and he had no idea what to do. Hearing Off trying to say those words, made him so sick, but he couldn’t be mad, because actually tonight was for achieving the opposite. They were supposed to be friends again. Gun wanted to hug Off the way he was doing it right now, on a regular basis again without the need to be afraid to step over a line. Gun felt Off’s hand gently rubbing his back and somehow he came to his senses again and found some strength to talk.

“Sorry, but I miss you! I want us to be close again, I need you with me!” 

A loud sob escaped Gun and he started shaking now.

“I’m so sorry for ruining everything with my feelings.” Off’s voice was surprisingly steady.

“Can you try to return to how it was before please?” Gun said silently, more to himself, as an inner wish. But Off heard it obviously because he took Gun’s hands and released the hug, pushing him away a little. Off nodded and Gun was confused, only seeing Off nod again and again. He seemed to be hurt because he didn’t say a word and only retreated slowly.

After they stared at each other some more seconds, Off left. Gun saw him reach his car and drive away quickly.

Gun felt his eyes be swollen, he had a headache now and just wanted to go to sleep. 

The day started so perfectly, but everything was ruined in the end. Gun was again taught that feelings only brought problems. But soon everything would turn out fine right? Gun made Off clear that he wanted it as before and Off nodded. Although he seemed to be hurting….

Gun was sitting on the sofa in the living room where all the wrapping paper was still lying around and some candles burning. He sat there feeling miserable and letting his pain out, feeling tears streaming down his face. He bid his lips and put his hands over his face, so that he wouldn’t be too loud. After a while he lay down, trying to crawl as deep as possible into the sofa and pulling some thick blanket over his shivering body, and fell asleep with Off on his mind.


	46. Polca (18) POV Tay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just really short and nothing special. I somehow wanted to set a start of the TayNew downfall whose impact we experience these past months. I also thought that it fits with JossTay and here we go :)

Tay was the happiest being on earth. He and Joss somehow started to live together, staying at each other’s places all the time. They also had their most necessary things at both places and so it felt like home wherever they stayed. They got along so well because although spending so much time together, they still had their free space and separate work, so that nobody felt pressured. Tay was nearly shy to think about it, but their sex life was amazing as well. They didn’t find the time to do it often, being all tired after stressful days, but when they did it, it was amazing. Until now they tried all kinds of things but when they really fucked, then Tay always bottomed, not seeing himself to dominate Joss. He knew his boyfriend was really into both ways and asked Tay a few times to try it the other way, but also didn’t push him too much. Tay was glad and really resolved to try it as soon as he felt it right. So time passed.

One day he met New in the creative room, sitting all alone. Tay exhaled and approached him. They weren’t so close at the moment, simply because there was no project and somehow they both were busy with their private life as well.

“Hey New.”

“Oh hi Tay!” New looked up, seemingly startled and put his phone away.

“How are you doing? Haven’t seen you for a while...” Tay sat next to him and smiled. New did the same and turned to him.

“I’m really fine, and you?”

“Same.”

Then it was silent. Why was there an awkward mood between them? It was as if he needed to tell his friend something and somehow Tay knew what it was.

“Can I talk with you about something?” Surprisingly it was New who asked that, and Tay just nodded and looked around, but they were totally on their own.

“You know we had this problem with my ex-girlfriend…and back then you didn’t understand me-” 

“Sorry for that again.” Tay still felt kind of guilty. He just couldn’t understand how New could put someone over their career, especially when their career strongly depended on them two being a fake couple and then New ran around holding hands with a girl.

“It’s okay. But what I want to say is, that I guess you do now right? I don’t know, but now that you have someone as well, you can understand how hard it is to hide that person and pretend something else. Especially for me since I don’t like guys.”

“How do you know? I mean, that I have someone?”

“Hmm, I already suspected you like Joss and also what you said at the party...I see that you are really happy these days. So am I right?” New grinned and Tay couldn’t help but blush a little. Then he nodded and smiled as well.

“I am happy for you. You know I am also dating someone again and I feel way more relieved now that we both are violating our job regulations.” New chuckled and put a hand on Tay’s shoulder.

“Hmph...Sweet, do I know her?”

“No, she is a model, she is a friend of a friend of university.”

Tay nodded and then it was silent again. They checked their phones then to make it less weird, but after a while New talked again: “You know, I don’t want to be in this industry anymore. Of course I want to continue acting and directing, but this couple thing is getting too much for me. Especially since it influences my private life…fans are way to fanatic sadly.”

“I see what you mean. For me it was never a problem because I was fine with pretending to be more between us also in real life, but now with Joss I feel your point. Still I am sad that we end like this…”

“Tay, we won’t end. We are still friends! I can’t imagine a life without you. But I will talk with the boss for sure…maybe they can manage to make the hype go down.”

“Okay…”

“Heeeyy guys!! What are you doing here?” A bunch of their friends entered the room and put an end to their conversation. Tay was glad, because he felt that this topic made his heart go heavy and he didn’t know why but it felt as if this could have a bigger impact than New made it sound like.


	47. Waiting (18) POV Toptap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a chapter that isn't really interesting LOL  
> They are just there to make some things clear and give the side couples some moments :)

Toptap was busy these days, but not too much and so he enjoyed to finally have some free time. He finished shooting for “2gether” and had no further plans soon. He loved the time on set and found some great friends there. The series will start airing in about a month and Toptap was really excited how the audience will receive it. There was a new actor couple to be introduced and these things were always critical…either they became the new hype or flop. He liked the two new guys and was hoping Bright would finally be known to some more people, concerning his already long acting career. Win on the other hand was a newbie, but such a cutie that Toptap was sure he will get a lot of fans either way.

He himself was in couple with Mike. Mike who was dating Godji, his kind-of-boss. At first this was really weird but after a while he loved his role! Mike was such a cool buddy and they got along so well. Together with Gunsmile they three were the troublemakers at the set. Toptap discovered new sides at himself and for the first time felt, like he played a bigger role in a series, than just some side character.

Well here he was now in the GMMTV creative room, waiting for some people to join. He knew Off would come sooner or later, because his birthday was about to be planned and so Toptap didn’t want to miss a chance to talk to his handsome co actor. He felt some sort of connection since he helped him back then, after Gun hurt Off so badly.

Many people walked in and out, stayed a little, talked to him and left again. After a while Arm came in, stopped on his tracks and stared at him.

“Ooohh Arm!” Toptap approached his co actor in hope to find out some information about the location of Off, he was his best friend anyway.

“Hello.” He received a gentle smile by the taller guy.

“Are you all here to prepare Off’s birthday?”

“Yes exactly. But we will finish soon and then everything will be ready for the 20th.”

Toptap smiled and wondered why Arm was so shy and never directly looked at him. “Ok cool! Is Off here as well?”

Arm’s smile left his face and he scratched his head. “Yes somewhere. Why do you want to know?”

“Haven’t seen him in a while and wanted to ask how he is doing.” Toptap was quite sure Off must have told Arm about his happenings with Gun, but since he couldn’t know 100 percent, he didn’t mention it.

“You could text him…?” Arm smirked and Toptap panicked a little. “No! Well it’s not that important. I just thought I could run across him and chat a little.”

Now it was awkward somehow and Toptap was glad somebody called Arm and he waved goodbye. Why was Arm so held back? He considered them friends and actually quite good ones after filming “Water Boyy” back then. They had a lot of fun at the set, although not having a lot of scenes together.

Well it didn’t matter now, he just wanted to meet Off but probably it won’t happen. He should just go home and not run after this guy. They had no special friendship for fuck’s sake!! Toptap shook his head and took his things, feeling a little ashamed suddenly.

Shortly before he left the building, he spotted Gun. Gun! This was a good chance. He needed to talk with him, especially after what happened in the bar a few months ago.

“Guuuun!”

He walked the few steps towards the little guy and was greeted with a big smile, which turned into a guilty one in the end. “Hey Tap!”

They hugged shortly and Toptap immediately continued talking: “How are you? Haven’t heard anything in a while from you.”

Gun seemed to collect himself and licked his lips. “It’s all a little much these days, but I’m okay.” He paused and then continued: “About that night…I’m sorry, I was drunk and you were there and then-”

“Hey it’s okay. Let’s blame it on the alcohol…I just see you as a friend, a really good one actually. We understand each other… If you want to talk, just call me. We did it a lot back not long ago.”

Gun smiled and nodded, before hugging him again tightly. The little one was so clingy but Toptap loved touching, so it was really fine.

“Thank you. I will soon, then we can talk and thirst over our co actors!” Gun laughed and Toptap joined. They did it a lot at the beginning of their friendship after they outed themselves to each other.

“Okay, then I will wait for your call.”

Toptap headed home feeling happy, although he didn’t get to talk to whom he wanted to but instead had a weird talk with Arm and a cute and heartwarming meeting with Gun.


	48. Messages (18) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really falling into the usual "Gun is constantly crying" pattern :D

Gun was so excited! He nearly didn’t manage to lie to Off about him not being able to come to the birthday fan meet. Of course he could come! It was true that he was in Korea for an event but would manage to be back in time. He would do anything at this point, so that they could become closer again. It was the idea of their management to leave the older guy unknown to the surprise, so it seemed more authentic for the fans.

On the night of the 19th January Gun, lay in his hotel bed, feeling rather sleepy, but forcing himself to stay awake, since he badly wanted to write Off at midnight.

He already prepared the message and only had to press send later.

_Papiiiii! Happy birthday! I’m sorry that we cannot see each other today, but I think about you and wish you a beautiful day with your fans. I am sorry for all the bad and childish things I always do and I hope we stay like this forever! I love you <3_

Gun meant every single word he wrote. He still felt guilty thinking about what he had done. He slowly could see the happenings from a more objective point of view and knew Off was hurting. Gun just couldn’t help it.

Gun opened his eyes, being startled and panicking. Oh God, fell asleep!! He quickly took his phone that was hidden somewhere between the bedsheets and exhaled as it was some minutes before midnight.

“Shit this was tight.” He opened his messenger and after reading the message a few more times, pondering if the _I love you_ was too much, he sent it, being some minutes late already.

His heart was beating a little quicker. It must have been the nervousness that Off could think too much about the heart emoji or the three words or in general what Off would think. Maybe Off was even sleeping already and would only read the message in the morning.

Gun got himself eventually ready for bed and quicker than expected fell asleep.

The next morning, Gun needed to hurry to catch his plane, he couldn’t allow any delay, because his schedule was so tight, to arrive on time.

As soon as he arrived at the location, everything when so quick and in a blur for Gun. Jennie gave him the cake, he just managed to style his hair again and was still holding his bag. He didn’t even have time to panic or be nervous. Suddenly he was on stage and his mind and body functioning automatically. He was Gun of OffGun couple and was used to what he should do.

He saw Off being touched. And it made him be emotional too.

_Calm down Gun…just say your speech and then all will be over anyway…_

And he did. Gun wondered how he managed not to fall apart. Haven’t seen Off in a month made him want to hug him so badly, but instead they just whispered some small talk and surely made the fans curious as hell.

Gun didn’t know how it happened afterwards, but he lost Off. The older guy wasn’t to be found anymore and so Gun also stayed away, not looking and running after him, maybe even making him uncomfortable with his presence.

The only thing that made Gun be hopeful was a call he received later that day. He and off should come to BabyBright headquarter the next day. And what he heard there made Gun be the happiest he has been in a long time.

“Guys, I wanted to tell you that we would make an advertisement movie with you two. It will be the same type as the one of KristSingto a few years ago. They two also filmed a second part these days that will air soon. The idea is already done but we will need another week to finish everything and then we would start shooting around end of February.”

He looked at Off, who was smiling as well. Gun felt his heart bloom as he saw that Off wasn’t averse to work with him again. This would be the worse thought ever. Not working with Off anymore, nearly made Gun choke and he quickly pushed away these thoughts.

As they left the building, Gun hoped for doing something with Off. Maybe shopping or eating some lunch? 

“So, I have to leave now, since we are filming at the outside set, I have to drive for some time. See you!” 

Off waved goodbye to Gun, who was then standing alone at the big parking lot. His car only a few meters away, but he stood still, looking after Off. He didn’t expect this. Of course, Off was shooting for his series! Gun could slap himself for the feeling in his chest right now. He knew he had no right to be possessive about Off, but he simply wanted to have some of his time.

Additionally this series was something that made Gun a little worried. Off was having a couple. A straight couple. It wasn’t that he was jealous, he wasn’t for fuck’s sake. He was just worried that the fans won’t like it…That was all.

Gun started his car and went home, having a free day now. He made himself a cozy day on the couch, getting some milk and cookies and watching clips on Line TV. He loved lazing around like this and not caring about anything.

After a while he opened IG and tried to ignore that he actually wanted to see if somebody was posting something from the set. 

What Gun didn’t expect, was that it was Off himself who posted a story! Gun sat up quickly and opened it. There were Off and Mild, standing really close and making silly faces. Off looked really happy and that made Gun’s throat go tight. He was happy for his friend but couldn’t help to be sad that it wasn’t Gun who made him feel that way.

Quickly he replied: _I hope filming is going well. <3_

Shit, he shouldn’t be so nosy, but he couldn’t stop himself typing some more.

_When will you get home tonight?_

Off wasn’t online right now and actually that was to be expected, since Off didn’t use social media often and only did it because he had to for the fans.

Gun lay down again, exhaled and stared at the open chat in front of him. It was evening already now and so probably it will be late until Off was home. Gun didn’t even know why he wanted to know anyway. It isn’t as if he would come over at Off’s place and they could have a sleepover. These times were over. Their friendship as it was, was somehow over.

He should just step back a little and let Off approach him again.

_Oh maybe it’s late until you read my messages. Good night!_

Gun’s heart dropped as he sent this cold message, but it was better that way. Off should see that Gun understood. He indeed understood.

“Oh Gooood!” Gun turned and buried his face in his pillow. What was going on with him? He was lying here and staring at this chat for quite some time, thoughts racing. He looked at the story again. He saw Mild and Mek were tagged, as well as some crew members.

Did Mild already repost it? Gun checked and saw it. She even added a little heart! Gun lifted his eyebrows and licked his lips. He replied to Mild’s story: _Having fun?_ Maybe this sounded too angry. So he quickly send a winking emoji after it.

“I am so dumb…” Gun whispered and was glad nobody was around witnessing his weird behavior.

Suddenly a thought crossed his mind. What if Mild and Off would really become a thing? Would Off loose his feelings for him and they could go back to normal! Gun felt energy run through his body and concluded he must have been delighted by the idea.

So he wrote Off and tried to sound formal again: _How do you feel about Mild? Do you like her?_

No response yet. Gun read and read all the messages he sent…they all sounded so dumb.

“Ooooiiii!!!” He closed his phone and just wanted to unsend all of it, but what would it bring anyway. They needed to make some progress…

Gun made himself a snack, although it was nearly midnight already, he was hungry again. This emotional ride with the messages took a toll on him. As he returned satisfied, he checked his phone and nearly choked at his drink, when he saw Off had answered. And already 15 minutes ago!

_Yeah only arrived home some minutes ago, all went well thanks._

_Mild is a good friend. What do you mean??_

Gun couldn’t breath suddenly and he felt his eyes fill with tears. Why was Off so harsh? Oh God did he do something wrong? Gun started shaking and sat down quickly. Tears were rolling over his cheeks in silence and he read the message again. It seems he hurt Off, but Off’s answer hurt him now. He didn’t want to do anything wrong! Off might have thought, Gun as making fun of him, since he knew about the way he felt about Gun.

Gun wiped his face, but it didn’t help since quickly new tears came down. He bid his lip, trying to make it stop from trembling and started typing.

_I’m sorry, I didn’t want_

Gun deleted it again. He didn’t know what to write, he didn’t want to make it worse and so he wrote an appeasing answer.

_Sorry I know that of course :’( I just wanted to ask. Wish you a good shooting this week <3 ___

__Gun felt numb after sending this. It was as if he got beaten because his body was aching in pain. But it only came from his chest area but going through his whole body. He put away his phone finally, not even wanting to know if Off would answer or not._ _

__“I’m sorry for everything Papii…” Gun whispered before some more tears escaped him again and he dozed away._ _


	49. Alien love (18) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapters will come a little irregular, since I am busy.   
> Also I fell deeply in love with "I told sunset about you" and am really into that right now, so my OffGun heart needs to fight to write chapters. But it's managable!! Thanks for reading guys <3  
> PS: If you like Nanon, Chimon and Ohm, I would love if you take a look at my other story! It's nearly finished, but sadly not many people are reading it. Just click [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161915) and enjoy.

The shooting for _Love from outta space_ wasn’t far and so Gun saw Off a few times. It made him really happy and it seemed they started to get along again. They were on events, wrote each other and even had lunch once!

Gun was proud about convincing Off to spend some free time with him. It was when the Cornetto clip was airing. The crew asked them to watch it together and there was also an interview right after. Since they were both hungry Gun insisted to go to a fancy restaurant. “We didn’t go eating in ages Papii!”

The mood during lunch was okay and they had some nice talk. Still he felt some bad vibes from Off and he didn’t want that. What should he do?

“I liked the advertisement a lot! It’s soooo cute.” Gun started a conversation as it was silent too long for his taste and smiled. Off only huffed and seemed wanting to say something.

“How come our shows always follow the same pattern?! I mean it’s always poor Gun falling in love with me and hurting and luckily in the end dumb Off finds out what I would miss. Why?” 

Off raised his voice a little, but still unable to be heard by the people around them. Before Gun could even process what was going on, Off continued: “It’s not that way in real life! In reality it’s me who is fucking hurt!” Gun saw a tear run down Off’s cheek who wiped it quickly adding a silent “Sorry…”. 

Gun still didn’t say anything. He couldn’t form any words, only felt a deep sadness in is chest and the urge to cry as well.

“Sorry.” Off repeated again. Then he tried to give Gun a smile. “Let’s continue to eat please.”

Gun was still not moving. This was all so wrong! Off shouldn’t be sorry and most importantly shouldn’t be so hurt. Gun’s thoughts were racing but he couldn’t find fitting words at all. So after some minutes also he continued eating. They kept silent and left soon.

As they stood at the parking lot, Gun felt so unsure suddenly. He was freaking afraid Off would disappear from him after today. But they were shooting next week? So they will see each other again. But what if Off wouldn’t come?

“So see you next week then… for the shoot right?” Gun said silently and Off nodded, looking down at him. Gun wanted to hug him, but then Off was gone already and Gun alone. It was a real de-ja-vu from last time, but somehow, he felt more alone this time.

The day of shooting came faster than expected and Gun found himself at the set. It was only a little house since most of the movie was filmed in the living room. He was so relieved when he saw Off being there, somehow the fear stuck deep in his bones the last days. The fear that Off would leave him…

As expected, all went well until now and they had fun. 

They were shooting the TV scene and Gun loved this part. The things he said as an alien had a quite deep meaning and he enjoyed playing such a naïve but in itself clever character.

“On earth these two genders they love one another.”

“Love? What is love?”

“Love is when we want to be in relationship with someone and we want to share our feelings with them. Whether it’s happiness, joyful moment or even sad moment we still wanna take a good care of them and be close to them.” Gun heard these things and luckily was actor enough to not let his emotions be displayed on his face. These words coming from Off, made him incredibly sad, because he saw all the things he just said in his eyes and that made Gun be afraid.

“Human love sounds like a beautiful thing.” Gun heard that his voice was different, caused by his state right now, but probably nobody heard it. 

“It’s complicated, you wouldn’t understand. When we love someone, but we are far apart, it really hurts you know? Never mind you won’t understand.” He didn’t understand…? Maybe he really didn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t hurt Off.

“Humans are complicated. Beautiful things like love, why does it have to be limit by genders?”

This very line made his distress vanish a little, since it was his principle and something profound in his life and saying it now again was just amazing. Gun hoped many people would change their opinion in the future and be more open and accepting about same sex relationships. 

The scene continued and eventually Gun pursed his lips to kiss Off. If he was honest to himself, he would have nothing against kissing Off for real. It wasn’t part of their story though and pretty sure Off didn’t want it too. He probably wanted everything but come closer to him. Gun sighed as he heard the cut and was glad that everything went so smoothly.

The next day they continued. Off’s character got sick and discovered Gun’s warmth. Having the taller guy’s head on his shoulder and feeling his touches also only for a few seconds felt so good. Gun felt whole and wished this moment to last a little longer. Eventually Off was even lying on his lap and Gun felt weird. He often laid in Off’s, but never the other way around. Also it didn’t help that Gun felt Off’s racing heart this way. Off’s cervical artery was directly pressed at his tight. It made Gun swallow, realizing again, what this situation was obviously doing with his friend. He couldn’t think long about it, since they continued quickly, as they did with every scene.

Off sat up and Gun heated a piece of pizza for him. Then Gun looked at him and Off handed the piece to him. Gun smiled, although this was a role Off was playing, this could indeed come from him. Not getting what was going on, but still being so polite and handing him food.

Gun knew what he needed to say next. He read it in the script and was a little shocked back then. The thing is, he said it the ‘l-word’ to Off already a few times in their series, but it was always a character name then. Now they were called as their real selves and this made everything harder than expected.

“I love Off.” 

Gun didn’t know how he expected Off to react. Of course, he would act on and not smile or cry or whatever he would feel when hearing this. Off stayed in his role and looked confused and shocked.

“Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not crazy, I really love you. But you if you love someone just tell them the truth before it’s too late.”

Gun felt being out of his body. He said those words but felt it wasn’t him, he couldn’t sympathize with them at all. This was all so wrong! Off did tell him about his feeling (also if not deliberately) and was disappointed with the outcome. Gun wasn’t even sure what would have happened if Off told him earlier. As far as he knew Off liked him since shooting of ToL ended and so Gun was the angriest about the fact they slept together, when Off had more feelings than him. If Off told him before then they wouldn’t have had sex and so it would have been easier for Off to get rid of his feelings. 

Gun didn’t want to think anymore and saw that Off was sitting alone as well. Both of them probably in their thoughts instead of talking or enjoying their time together.

As the director called it a day, Gun decided to leave together with Off and headed to the parking lot. Gun came with a taxi, since he was way too tired to drive this morning, so he had an idea to spend some more time with Off.

“Can you drive me home? I came with the taxi…or else I’ll call one, I don’t mind.” Gun tried not to seem too intrusive and looked at Off with big eyes.

“Of course.” Gun smiled and felt happy that Off didn’t even hesitate. “You can also crash at my place if you are okay with that.” 

Oh my, did Off propose a sleepover? Gun’s first reaction was happiness, and he didn’t think a lot. He was just overwhelmed by this feeling of good old times.

“I would love that if you don’t mind. Thanks Papii!” Gun went to Off instinctively and hugged him tightly. Then he hesitated but decided it could be a good moment to return to some past habits. He stretched, was on his tiptoes and placed a long kiss on Off’s throat near his jawline.


	50. Heartbeat (19) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being totally confused about Nanon and Janhae, I found some peace in OffGun again. Here we go <3

Gun’s lips tingled.

He never would have expected he could miss something as simple as kissing somebodie’s neck. He barely noticed that Off pushed him aside and went to the car, so he followed absent mindedly.

Gun didn’t know what to talk about while they were driving and so he rather checked his phone. He had a lot of messages as always and wanted to ignore all of them but starting somewhere would always help.

_Hey biiiiitch…can we talk? Jack is giving me a hard time and I don’t know what I should do anymore :’(_

Gun sighed. One of his best friends had some struggles with this guy already for a while. She loved him but he never made anything official and tried to keep her at his side anyways. Gun was sure he was sleeping with other girls too although he denied that to her. She should just forget this asshole.

_I’m sorry sweetie, but as I already told you before, you should ditch him. Let’s meet soon okay? <3_

Gun looked outside the window and lost himself in his thoughts. Feelings always caused so many problems, made people cry or lose friends. Gun didn’t want to think about this shit and continued reading other messages.

Arrived at Off’s apartment they warmed some pizza in the microwave and sat in front of the TV to eat.

Gun was really calm and didn’t talk much. He hoped he didn’t make Off uncomfortable by acting that way, but he was afraid too much liveliness would make Off feel overwhelmed. So he sat there in silence and ate his pizza, while some weird singing show was on the TV screen. Gun looked down at his pizza and saw he had still two pieces left, while Off was finished already. Maybe he wanted to eat some of his? 

“Papii do you want some pizza?” 

Instinctively he handed him a piece, but Off looked at him with a questioning face. “Are you joking?” 

Gun’s eyes widened. What did he do now? Did Off not like the topping? 

“What do you mean?”

“The pizza. Remember what we shot just some hours ago. And what the pizza stood for. Just don’t rub in the wound.” Off looked away immediately and Gun’s mouth was agape. He didn’t do this on purpose! God what is wrong with him always doing such things to Off?!

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad way! Sorry…” Gun sounded desperate and felt a limp in his throat. 

“It’s okay.”

Gun shook his head and really needed to say something at this point! It was unbearable that Off was still accepting this.

“No! It’s not.” 

He changed position so he faced Off totally and came closer in hope it didn’t bother his friend. “I am so sorry. I hurt you all the time just because I don’t come to terms with your feelings. Shiiit, Papii…”

Gun noticed it was the first time he found the power to address the topic. He hoped that they could finally have a talk and it really seemed like it. Off turned to Gun and they were sitting cross-legged looking each other in the eyes.

“No, it’s not your fault. Feelings cannot be forced. The same as I cannot stop loving you, you won’t start loving me just because I want it.” Off said sadly. 

Gun in the meantime started biting his lip and was looking for some reply. What Off said was really true, but Gun wanted to disagree so badly. After a while he looked up and saw a somehow different expression on Off’s face. He wasn’t looking into his eyes but his lips, and so Gun stopped chewing on them. Then he eyed him intensely.

Gun didn’t know why but suddenly Off leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. Before Gun even realized what was going on, Off backed off already and closed his eyes. What was Off doing…?

“Sorry.” Off added and wanted to stand up but Gun grabbed his hand. 

“Don’t be. I don’t mind, but you would hurt, so don’t do it again.” Gun stood up too and hugged Off. “You have to believe me, I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t ever want to see you cry! You are so important to me Papii.” Gun prayed Off wouldn’t back away now that he was opening his heart to him.

Gun started shaking a little the moment Off hugged back and couldn’t help but let the breath out he was obviously holding. Gun inhaled the scent of his friend and tightened the grip in his pullover.

“I know. Come, I’ll get the bed ready for you.”

Gun didn’t want to leave Off, he wanted to hold him the whole night.

“For us. You can also stay there with me if you don’t mind…” Off nodded and Gun smiled shily as they headed to the bedroom. They changed to some light sleeping dress and finally lay down. They both sighed and turned to face each other.

Gun started talking as first one, trying to create some light mood. “Are you nervous for the Line TV Awards?” 

Off shook his head. “No, you know we will only have a short moderation and surely won’t win best couple again. We already won that last year. So we can calmly attend the show.”

“But I hope we win again! By the way, I will film some material for ‘Fun with Gun’ so I feel already busy just thinking about it!” 

Gun furrowed his brows and ran through his hair with desperation…he was so busy! Many other thoughts were running through his mind at this moment. There were many topics he wanted to talk about with Off, but couldn’t do earlier due to their bad relationship these days.

“Did you hear that this new virus from China has already infected a dozen people here as well? I read that it’s a dangerous type of virus.” Gun wasn’t so clever and so he hoped Off had more information about this, since he worried quite a lot about this the past few days.

“I didn’t hear that much yet. But don’t worry too much, it will be over soon I guess.”

“Let’s hope…” 

What followed was silence, which was broken by Off, who sounded quite thoughtful: “Can I ask you something?” Gun nodded of course. “What about that ring you are wearing? Is it a gift from somebody?”

Gun smiled, finding it funny Off was giving thought about this. 

“What? Noooo. I bought it myself. I wanted to have this beauty for so long and well I saved the necessary money for it.” Gun saw relief in Off’s expression and smirked…this guy was jealous. It made him somehow proud although this was dumb, wasn’t it? He should rather feel uncomfortable about Off liking him still and worrying if some other person bought him a present. But right now, this behavior really made him happy! 

Gun decided that he wanted to be closer to Off and worked up the courage to ask for cuddles. 

“Emm…Papii can I come closer?” Off nodded and while Gun approached, he felt his heart speed up. He didn’t really notice until he cuddled in Off’s arms. Their chests touched and at first Gun thought he could hear Off’ heart racing again. But after a while he felt, Off was really calm and not nervous. 

It was his own heartbeat. 

_What…?_

Gun furrowed his brows, hiding into Off’s chest, being all confused. He didn’t want to feel this quick pounding, it felt uncomfortable because it was also taking his breath away.  
“Gun, are you okay?”

Gun didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to answer at first, pretending to sleep. But that wouldn’t make sense and so he acted sleepy and whispered: “Hmhm, yes just want to sleep like this.” 

Since Off was silent then, the tiredness also hit Gun and he drifted away into sleep being cuddled in familiar arms.


	51. Boy scout (19) POV Arm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little interlude before returning to OffGun <3
> 
> Maybe check out the "School Rangers: Boy Scout" episode before reading. It's not necessary but it's fun anyway and will help you picture the scenes I am referring to.

Arm was close to a burn-out. How was it possible to be so busy and still get more jobs to do?! The LINE TV awards were about to be held next week and he still had to check some outfits. Further he had to attend some meetings, although he was sure it was enough if somebody would give him a briefing him afterwards. And on top of everything they would shoot the special episodes of ‘School Rangers’ the following two days.

If he was honest with himself, he loved doing all this. He felt really happy every time he finished a project or shooting and saw the amazing results. And so he was actually also really ready to spend two full days with a crazy bunch of guys in this camp!

They prepared all the schedule and most of the lines. Gladly he wasn’t the main host, but still he would have some moderating to do. He was prepared really well but there was something that made his security fade totally.

Toptap was one of the guests.

Arm smiled at the thought, although his mind was also panicking. He shouldn’t be affected so much by this man. He didn’t know when this all started but when he met Toptap back then in his condo and the younger one said he was visiting Off, his mind somehow stopped working. Since then he often found the funny guy finding his way into Arm’s mind and he was definitely thinking way too much. It even kind of hurt him, as Joss told him after that one party, that Toptap didn’t really mention him at all, while they talked about ‘Water Boyy’. And the fact that Toptap was looking for Off that day before his birthday, made Arm also sad and confused about his feelings.

_What is wrong with me?_

Arm sighed and rubbed his face. Once again he was in his thoughts about Toptap, which was bad, since he was about to arrive at the location.

Arm parked his car, took his bag and walked to the camp entrance where he saw a crowd. It was a mix of crew members and his friends. He immediately spotted Gun who jumped a little and ran towards him.

“P’Arm.” He received a hug as usual and was happy to see Gun lively, not being sure if he was affected as well with his and Off’s problematic. Arm wondered how things would be if Off would be here now. Well he wasn’t and in addition Tay was not part as well. These two were just leaving him alone! Arm shook his head and started greeting his other friends.

“So guys let’s get ready! In the locker room there is a uniform for everyone and your normal school rangers outfit. Take the one with your name on it and no fooling around!! We have a tight plan!”

Godji could be so bossy sometimes and Arm felt the huge need to obey immediately. They slowly made their way to the big changing room and Arm couldn’t help but smirk at a sight that he still had to get used to: Mike who walked next to Godji and smiled at her like a maniac. On the other side of her was walking Gun as usual, also having a happy smile while looking at the couple.

“Hey Arm!”

He turned as somebody called him. It was Mond and Arm tried to stay calm as he saw that Toptap was standing right next to him.

“Yeah man, what’s up?”

“Did you get why we have to stand in front all the time?”

“We are co leaders of our teams, so we have to stay close to the people talking, for the close ups.”

“But maaaaan, we are both tall as fuck.”

Arm sighed. He knew that himself and hated it. It was an incredible hard job to bring so many people on camera. And especially in shots when the whole team should be seen, he and Mond will need to take care of the position of every member, which also included crouching most of the time.

“It’s like that. You will make it King Kong.”

Arm then patted his shoulder, smiled at Toptap, who listened their talk, and went to the uniform with his name tag.

He quickly undressed, facing the wall and only turned when he was sure everybody was clothed again. Well it wasn’t about everybody. Just a certain somebody. He couldn’t allow himself to look at a naked Toptap, that image wouldn’t leave his head all day and today he needed to be really concentrated.

So the shooting started, with a long introduction round, bad jokes, a lot of fake and some genuine laughing. Of course the teams were already chosen beforehand, nonetheless he couldn’t stop feeling disappointed, that he and Toptap weren’t in the same one. They would have spent so much more time together these days, but it was as it was.

The first game with the fire was a tough job for all of them, it was just so incredibly hot! Also his team lost and his mood was not being lifted by that.

“Cut! Good we have that, so we have a break now. Food is also inside. Don’t forget to arrive back here, changed in your other outfit in one hour! Off you go!”

Arm went towards Gun, feeling him being his closest friend here.

“Shall we eat together?”

“Sure! Join me and New.”

Arm was glad of the nice company, New and Gun were good friends and fooled around and so it was a pleasure and fun to stay around them.

Right before the lunchbreak was over, Gun left them in a hurry, running towards Godji. Arm didn’t really understand what actually happened, but he followed the little man with his gaze. Where Godji was sitting, there was also Mike, and with Mike came Earth and Gunsmile. Who Arm didn’t expect to sit next to Mike was Toptap and so he was a little taken aback as he saw that their legs were touching.

_Calm down, they are not their roles…Mike is with Godji…Toptap is not interested…Toptap is not gay…_

Arm had racing thoughts, but in the end he forcefully stopped them and he shock his head trying to shake them away. Things like that shouldn’t find way into his head in a situation like this.

“Arm?”

New called him and he turned around.

“Couples in a series don’t necessarily develop feelings, right? It isn’t as it is with Off always?”

Arm said that, not actually wanting to ask anyway but it just came out.

“Of course not. Me and Tay never developed feelings for each other. Especially since I am straight.”

“Yeah true.”

He and New left shortly after and New must have sensed some of his distress because he petted his shoulder. “Don’t worry too much, whatever it is you worry about. Everything turns out fine in the end as always.”

Arm was thoughtful a while and it didn’t stop even when they were standing around their game facility and the shooting started. Arm didn’t think of anything concrete, but just felt a state of thoughtfulness. Hopefully nobody would see his distressed expression…

After a while he thankfully could focus again and Nicky and Leo played some ladder climbing game. He wasn’t focused and it didn’t matter anyway. What followed and indeed mattered was the game for ingredients for their next task. He realized quite late that he will play against Toptap. He just heard their names and suddenly it hit him. He was going to play two games against Toptap these days. He remembered how he lost his breath at the meeting last week when he heard it.

As the first duel was announced, they had to act surprised and that’s when Toptap smiled at him, being all cute and also did something unexpected, that made Arm’s chest hurt.  
Arm saw how Toptap sent him the ‘I love you’ gesture. Did he? Or did Arm only imagined? It was so short, but he could have sworn he saw it. What did Toptap mean??

No time for more thoughts, since he had to say some lame lines, also insulting Toptap and getting some jokes back as well and then the game started. Arm was torn between the want to win, to show Toptap that he was very capable and also wanting his friend to win and see him happy. Arm decided to do his best and see what comes out.

He won.

Well somehow he felt bad since Toptap made some mistake already at the second swing. He fell down and so he had no chance and Arm felt bad. But it wasn’t to be helped, since he had to celebrate his victory and be happy.

Luckily Arm had a pause now while some others of his team played another game to get more ingredients. He didn’t want to overthink all that happened until now, because actually nothing happened!! Nothing worth thinking about anyway…so he tried to cheer for Earth who did an amazing job eventually.

Same situation with the following egg game and so they finally could start shooting the biggest game for the day. They changed again in their boy scout outfit and Arm was glad nobody was talking to him. 

They needed to cook some dishes with really shitty equipment on the open fire. Arm fought and fought. It was like a war. They tried to divide tasks, some were cutting others seasoning and after a lot of disasters both teams produced something edible.

Arm couldn’t believe his team lost because of one point! One point!

“Guys! Hurry up to get your outfits done and then go to sit on the tribune!”

Godji again with her tone. Arm took his hat and made his way to one of the crew members, to get styled again.

As he returned to the tribune, he saw Toptap sitting on his own very up high and his steps brought Arm in his direction. He was standing there, looking up at the guy, when it hit him that this wasn’t his team’s side. Also he had a piece of moderation so he had to sit next to their next guest in front row!

“Emmm? Arm?”

Arm looked up, still standing there and making a fool of himself.

“Sorry, I have to sit somewhere else…”

Toptap still looked friendly at him, making a questioning face. Arm turned away and sat down next to the boy who was going to be their instructor. He could slap himself, what was this weird behavior?!

He was a lost case. And he was even more lost since he had to play the next game and so couldn’t even think about what just happened. Maybe this was good…?

Luckily his skills weren’t affected and he tied his knots like a pro, jumping around happily as Gun was delivered safely to the other side and rang the bell. Finally his team scored a point!

What followed after this last game were again some single interviews to comment on the game and then they called it a day.

“Finally...” Arm exhaled and followed the group back into the house. They all had an accommodation there at the camp, including all the crew. It was a mess…everybody was talking indistinctly but luckily the rooms were already divided beforehand.

It was sorted by teams first of all and then again divided in half, so that about four or five of them stayed together. He was luckily with Gun, Win, Earth and Lee, all no crazy guys. He didn’t even want to know what was going on in the other violet team’s room.

“Arm is there something going on?” Win asked him since they two shared a bed.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know, you seem a little stressed.”

Arm chuckled. Win was a really nice guy, but he was still young and unexperienced in this business.

“Well I am stressed. I have to think about tomorrow’s schedule already and today was really demanding so I will try to sleep soon.”

Luckily Win didn’t ask more and just smiled understandably, before walking to the others. Gun and Earth were having a good time together, while Lee just sat there and laughed with them.

“Good night guys!”

They all tried to be more silent and Arm fell asleep by exhaustion really quickly.

The next morning Arm woke up early. Not by himself, but rather by somebody talking.

“…know, okay so I will come.”

It was obviously Gun talking and Arm furrowed his brows.

“Gun?” He whispered and the little guy turned to him with a worried look.

“Arm I need to go back to Bangkok. I could make it for late afternoon to return…”

What? 

“Okay? Did you tell Godji?”

“Yes we talked before, I will leave now. Go back to sleep, you only have to wake up in one hour.”

Gun quickly left and Arm didn’t think of sleeping again. Rather he thought about how Gun’s absence would influence the upcoming games. It should be manageable though and as long as Gun was back at the last shooting, maybe the viewers won’t even notice his absence.

“…orning…” Win next to him mumbled.

“Hei. Did I wake you?”

“No all fine. I like waking up before the alarm rings, so I’m glad.”

Arm nodded and stood up, using the bathroom and getting ready. As he returned to the bedroom all were awake and fighting over who could use the bathroom next. 

Next day same procedure. They met for breakfast before changing into their outfits. Arm felt way more relaxed today, maybe because he slept really well. He didn’t panic that much when he saw Toptap this time and also just felt happiness when they got to play against each other again.

What made Arm shiver though, was the small sequence they shot together and Toptap talking and making bad jokes about winning. It wasn’t that often, that he talked to him alone and so this made him really happy. But it was just for show, they were acting and making fun. Arm wished that he would smile at him also off camera like this.

It was unbelievable how tight the game ended though! Arm didn’t expect both of them to be so quick and he really panicked while running and seeing Toptap so close. In the end he made it though and was glad and happy as a little boy.

The other guys were miles away from his and Toptap’s skills and so it was really big fun to watch.

The following two games were just enjoyable, since Arm didn’t have to moderate. In the one were they crossed the lake on the rope he did well and in the “saranjeo” game he didn’t even participat, although it must have been great, if it was him and Toptap who had to slide down pressed next to each other and land on that tiny floating mattress.

_Arm stop this now…_

He focused on the last round of the game and cheered for Sing who landed like an ace!

“Wooohoooo!!”

His team cheered and quickly they had to prepare themselves for the last water game. The rowing was exhausting as fuck and after a while Arm just wanted to stop, seeing how far away the other team was already. He hoped they would reach the flag soon, so that this torture would end.

Arm smiled as he heard the results. He was okay that the yellow team got another point. This was all just fun and so it didn’t matter.

They had their lunchbreak again, where most guys took a shower, since more than half of them fell into the water more than once these past hours.

So it was that only a hand-full of guys returning in time to the room where they were supposed to meet. Arm sat himself at his spot in front again, checking his phone since Gun had to arrive soon. While waiting and swiping through IG he saw somebody enter the room and sit next to him. He looked up just out of reflex and his eyes widened as it was Toptap.

Was he supposed to sit here in this shoot? Or why did he place himself here? Mike was also there, why didn’t he chose to sit with him…

“Hey Arm, well done at the game before. You were amazing!”

Arm felt himself blush and smiled. “Thanks, you too.”

“I am really wondering how come all others failed so heavily while we aced this. Lol.”

“Same! They didn’t even have the task to fail and make the viewers laugh, but still managed to make a fool of themselves. Amazing!”

Toptap nodded and slid a little closer to him as slowly more people came back and took their spots.

Arm wanted to continue talking with Toptap, but suddenly Gun entered and ran towards them. “Aaaaarm!” He shortly fell in his Arms, before turning to Toptap. “Toptaaaaap!” Totally exaggerated as Gun always is, he hugged Toptap then too and placed himself in front of them.

“So what did I miss?”

“Nothing special…I lost to this Mr. Perfect again.”

Gun smiled and Arm couldn’t stop himself from smiling as well a little as Toptap called him that. 

“Sad I wasn’t there to witness that…”

“You will see when the episode airs, don’t pout little mouse.”

“Heeeyy!! You are the mouse here!”

Arm furrowed his brows at the conversation of Gun and Toptap. Since when were they so close? 

“…don’t have to tell me! Last days were so frightening when hearing all this.”

“What? Sorry I just spaced out for a moment. What is the topic?” Arm wanted to follow the conversation again.

“The virus, what do you think will happen? A few days ago, I talked with Papii in bed and he-”

“In bed with Off?!”  
“In bed with Off?!”

Arm turned to look at Toptap, who looked at him. They said the same words in a surprised voice.

“Eeeemm…yes? Ok this was weird, but funny.”

“Yeah.” Toptap scratched his head and Arm felt the same confused. Well he needed to talk with Off it seemed and ask about the situation with Gun.

“Well Papii said, that this won’t be so bad, we should wait and not worry too much.”

They all nodded and were silent until the shooting started.

The rest of the day the time flew. They managed the night quest in the woods and even won the game! Arm was proud of himself for leading his team so well. But in the end it wasn’t of any use, since the other team won the whole show. Luckily there was no punishment and so he wasn’t even sad at all.

The last part of the show was a little theatre play, which was the funniest part of the whole day. It wasn’t full of staged jokes and so it felt like actual campfire fun with friends.  
He was never so relieved as today when announcing the end of the show.

“Cut! Well done, we are done! Go change and don’t forget we shoot a short sequence inside at the buffet. Off you go!”

Arm exhaled and made his way to the changing rooms. He just wanted to sleep actually but food sounded good as well.

They all had a nice evening and also drank some alcohol in the end. 

It wasn’t a good idea and Arm immediately regretted it.

Alcohol didn’t make Arm brave or outgoing. It made him actually more silent and depressed and after a day like this. And so it happened, that Arm started crying after seeing Toptap sitting on Mond’s lap, being hugged from behind.

_Fuck!_

He quickly stood up and went to his room, hoping nobody saw or would follow him. He entered the bathroom and locked it before sliding down on the floor and started weeping silently.

He should just forget this and really return to focus on his work only. This was all just some weird confusion he was experiencing now. Everybody would find Toptap cute, since he was just so adorable. He and Arm weren’t even close, so these feelings he had didn’t make any sense at all too!

After what felt like an hour, he got himself together and actually wanted to return to the other’s but decided to go to bed. He wrote to Gun and told him to wish all of them good night from him.

He felt numb and totally exhausted, so he was glad the bed was warm and he cuddled himself into the soft mattress, burying his face into the pillow, imagining somebody was hugging him.

The next day all of them returned to Bangkok and Arm wanted nothing more than forget these two days on an emotional basis. He had staff to do. He had important jobs and preparations to manage and so thinking about some person, who didn’t even seem to spare a thought for him, was the dumbest thing he could do. 

And so Arm stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so incredibly in love with this ghostship that it's such a pleasure to write this staff.  
> Whoever of you follows my fanaccount on IG knows how hard I am shipping them and that funnily both Arm and Toptap saw it. Let's hope they take my advice seriously and consider dating ;)
> 
> L O L


	52. Fear (19) POV Gun

Gun was as happy as he hasn’t been in a while! He won two awards today, shot some cute scenes for his web show and had a good time with Off. Now the only thing that could make it even better will be their dinner now, where he needed to shoot some last parts and later could enjoy time with his friends.

“Okay Gun see you this week. Just call me when you need something.” Godji said goodbye since she would be going to another restaurant with Mike, White and some others. Gun was a little sad, since he wanted some more consolation and hugs from her, but at least Off was going to be with him so he wouldn’t be lonely.

Godji gently carressed Off’s arm as she arrived at the other group. Gun thought it was saying goodbye but then it didn’t seem like Off was about to come to him and Tay.

“Papii, oh you also join them…? Me, Tay and my friends still film for my show and we fixed the restaurant.”

Surely if he asked this way, Off would change mind and go with him, right?

But Off looked at him confused, before smiling neutrally. “Look, we can meet later, after dinner. Alright?”

_No._

Gun wanted to say that, but it would be illogical, Off could go wherever he wanted, and so Gun nodded, looking after Off, who went to the car with the others.

“Gun, come on. Let’s get going, you are as hungry as I am probably!”

Tay took his hand and pulled him to the car. Gun looked back twice though, hoping Off would come back and join them but in vain.

The restaurant was really yummy, and Gun loved going there, otherwise they wouldn’t have chosen it for the shooting. 

He just had the little camera in front of him and commenting every now and then about the food and summarizing the happenings at the award. Tay was opposite to him and giving him some good inputs about what to say. Mook was also with them and was a nice eye catcher for the viewers. 

Gun himself felt very tired now and being hungry didn’t help with his unmotivated mood.

They talked and waited and every now and then their production team asked a question.

“There was one moment that I saw you and Papii hugging after receiving the prize.”

Gun felt a weird feeling in his chest as they mentioned his friend and he somehow didn’t want to explain himself. They were just happy and it was normal, right?

“We were happy.”

Gun went on talking about how he and Off couldn’t decide who would start speaking at their speech and he felt a smile creep up his face.

Mook nodded and added her own view: “Right! They jumped with happiness. They looked so relieved.” 

Gun thought back and suddenly felt the feeling he had on stage again. His heart was beating in agitation some hours earlier and now he felt similar but way calmer, but the same happy.

“I was…”

Gun forgot where he was, just being lost in the memory and he had no idea what he actually wanted to say, just feeling his cheeks getting a little hot. “I don’t know.”

Gun simply didn’t know what he was feeling. He did know he was happy about the prize, but there was something inside him that was weird.

Finally the food came and they luckily changed topic to how they normally ate their dishes. Gun was busy seasoning his soup and was glad that everything was really peaceful, and he didn’t have to pretend anything, since this was fully his show. He was so tired right now that he wouldn’t have even been able to make jokes or say some prepared lines.

Then they finished their dishes and shot the goodbye sequence. It was chaotic and Gun said a few things, always glad for Mook’s presence who helped him out.

“It’s time to go home and take some rest.”

“Gun please mention Off quickly, the fans will like it.” Some member of his team said and Gun didn’t had to think that long and just continued talking.

“I invited Papii to come with us but he already had a plan so he couldn’t come.”

“Are you upset?”

Gun wasn’t sure if he should answer with yes, for the fan’s sake and to add some cute shipping moment, but then he thought it would make him sound stupid. He just smiled and tried to sound convincing: “Not at all.”

“Who did he go with?”

Gun swallowed looking at Mook with a questioning face but not showing too much, since they were still filming. Why did she want to know?

“Who?” Gun asked, again not being sure what he should answer, knowing the answer of course and so the people around Gun answered.

“White Nawat.” 

“Yeah White true.”

Gun felt a little pinch in his chest again. Who was White that Off preferred him over Gun? Why on earth didn’t Off join him? Was it because of the things that happened between them? Gun thought it was all more or less fine again but now this…

Well he ignored this but started to feel a little angry now, nonetheless he had to finish the moderation. 

Not enough, on top of everything Gun even had to pay now!?

_If Papii was here he surely would pay for me…_

Gun tried to make these thoughts disappear and rather collected some nice words to thank his fans.

“Thank you so much. Thank you all for every vote. Thank you so much for loving Papii and me. I hope the love continues. Bye bye.”

“Ok we stop filming now, I think there is enough material.”

Gun nodded, finally he could stop commenting everything. 

_I hope the love continues…_

What cheesy thing was he saying? It must be his tiredness and of course his genuine thankfulness. Still he didn’t like what he just said.

“Gun I have to go now too. Mek is in the area and will take me home. It was so sweet with you as usual!”

Mook brought Gun back to reality and he smiled and nodded, hugging her and waving then.

“Are you sure you don’t mind that Off didn’t come with us?”

Gun was startled by the sudden question and looked up, seeing Tay’s concerned face. 

“You look kind of sad to be honest and I just want you to know you can talk with me.”

Gun swallowed, being totally dumbstruck by Tay’s question. Did he miss Off? Yes. Did he imagine this evening totally different? Yes. Did he just want to see Off here and now? Also yes!

“Gun, hey…” Suddenly Tay was next to him ad Gun didn’t understand what was going on. “Shhh, I’m sorry…”

Only as Tay was wiping over his face, Gun noticed he was crying. What was going on?

“Tay. I wanted him to be with me today! Why did he choose White and not me?! It was our day, we won the best couple, shouldn’t we then be together then?”

Gun didn’t know why he was behaving this way now, but it seemed he was burying this feeling the whole evening. Maybe also his incredible tiredness was causing such a strong reaction now.

“I know. It’s okay…”

“No it’s not! You know, the worst part is that Papii has every right to stay away from me. He suffers so much and so it’s clear he rather stays away. It’s all my fault!”

Gun was shaking now and Tay was shielding him from the other people in the restaurant as good as possible. It wasn’t desirable that anyone saw a crying Gun Atthaphan after he received an award. Rumors about who knows what would arise immediately.

“It’s an unfortunate situation Gun. It’s nobody’s fault, love can’t be forced.”

“I can’t understand this…”

Gun couldn’t grasp any clear thought. He simply didn’t understand this world he was currently living in. He didn’t understand why things turned out this way. A way he never wanted it to be after-

“Gun? I think we should talk somewhere else. I can call a taxi and go home with you.”

“I don’t want home. I want Papii…”

Gun hid his face in Tay’s shirt, silently crying again.

Tay grabbed him and they went outside. The rest of the crew who was there and witnessed all of it, gladly didn’t say a thing and after somebody paid, all of them were standing at the entrance.

“Will you call him?”

Gun pulled out his phone, luckily calmed down a little and decided to write Off only. Maybe he was still eating and so he didn’t want to disturb.

_Where are you now? <3_

“Gun? What is it now.”

“I wrote him, I will wait or go home on my own, if he doesn’t answer.”

Tay nodded, pulling an arm around his shoulder.

Gun didn’t know what was going on with him now. He felt like not being there, he felt like in a movie where he didn’t belong. On top of everything Tay received a call and stepped away a little from Gun, still close enough that he could comfort him with his warmth.

“Hey Joss…yes I am finished…Okay perfect, see you soon….me too!”

Gun exhaled and thought about this conversation. Tay had a relationship. A happy one and everything seemed so perfect and simple with them.

“You love Joss?”

“Yes of course. We are together, otherwise it wouldn’t work so well I guess.”

“That’s amazing, I’m happy for you.”

Gun looked down and whispered: “Nothing for me though…”

Gun took out his phone, ignoring Tay who eyed him intensely and quickly and dialed Off’s number.

_“Hello?”_ Gun felt like he could finally breath again as he heard Off’s voice.

“Papii…”

_“Hey I just wanted to answer you, I’m in taxi on my way home. You?”_

“Can you come and take me please.”

Gun didn’t know what he would do, if Off declined.

_“Sure tell me the address!”_

Gun exhaled and did, before hanging up. It wasn’t long and finally Off would be with him.

Gun was silent, just leaning on Tay and was lost in his thoughts. Non existing thoughts actually since he had no plan what to think about. All he wanted was Off, all he had in mind was Off and so as he heard the silent “Gun” of a very familiar voice, Gun turned and hugged the guy.

Gun shielded off everything around him and felt the warmth of his friend and smelled his nice perfume.

“Papii let’s go home.” And they did. Gun not once letting go of Off. They sat in the car in silence, Gun resting his head on Off’s arm and holding hands. Gun wanted to say something, wanted to explain himself since Off seemed a little confused. 

“I missed you so much…everything went different than I imagined this evening to be and I…” Gun then stopped, he didn’t know what he wanted to say. Off didn’t say anything as well and so it was silent again until arriving at Off’s condo.

Off gladly took their bags and placed them only on the floor, not being in the mood to unpack anything. Gun meanwhile just wanted to get rid of his cloths and let them lie on the floor before directly heading to the bedroom. He wanted to cuddle into Off’s bed now. The bed he slept so often in and loved so much.

Gun was only in his boxers finding it way too hot to put on any shirt and hoped Off wouldn’t mind. To Gun’s surprise Off joined him shortly after, being the same undressed as he was. He lay next to Gun, who immediately came closer.

This was everything Gun ever wanted. This was where he belonged to. But he couldn’t have this, he had chosen this way, not to let himself be trapped again. But maybe Off was different? Maybe this could work? How was Off even sure what he felt for him was love?

“Papii, how can you be sure that you love me?”

Off didn’t answer immediately and so Gun reformulated his question to point out the crucial point: being in a relationship.

“I mean, when one person loves another, they want to be with them right? A relationship…how do you know it’s that what you want with me?”

“I don’t fully understand you. If I love someone, I just want to have a relationship obviously. Someone to share your life with.”

This didn’t help Gun at all. This was what he knew already, from friends or TV series. But how was he supposed to know that it was worth it? That this person will be allowed to be part of his life, maybe change it, make compromises…

“But how do I know that it’s that person. How should I know I love someone?”

“You don’t know that? Have you never loved anybody?” Off looked at him with a shocked expression.

“I don’t know. I just don’t know…” Gun suddenly felt his heart clench and tears started to fill his eyes. Off pulled him closer as Gun started shaking a little. 

“Shh…it’s all fine.” Off kissed his front and Gun didn’t feel this happy in so long.

“Do that again please.” Gun asked and knew he sounded pathetic. He didn’t care as long as Off would only do it again. Off did place another kiss, now on Gun’s temple. And then another one. Gun’s breathing steadied and he hoped this would never end when he was suddenly turned around a little towards Off. The taller one leaned down and kissed Gun on his lips, short but intense.

“I love you Gun.” 

Out of habit, Gun’s alarm bells started ringing in his head and a need to push Off away started to rise. But he forced himself not to. He couldn’t reject Off again in such a bad way. And so Gun smiled. He didn’t have to fake it honestly, since he genuinely felt happy too. Before he could say anything, Off kissed him again and he reciprocated the kiss passionately. It felt like forever that Gun tasted and touched Off like this. Off slipped his tongue inside Gun’s mouth and pulled Gun’s hair a little.

Gun wanted nothing more than this. His sex life was actually not existing these last weeks, since he couldn’t manage to live his jaunty life anymore and especially didn’t feel the mood to take some guy home, when there was Off in the back of his head all the time. 

Nonetheless Gun was afraid that this was not good, Off could have hopes again and Gun didn’t want to hurt him anymore.

“Papii…aahhh yes. But I cannot…ahh promise anything. I don’t know how I..hmmm…feel-”

Off interrupted him and wrapped his arms around Gun. “I need this now…please…” 

_Fuck!_ Off sounded to desperate and horny, that Gun’s mind was empty already now.

While kissing, Off started roaming over his body and Gun couldn’t hold back some moans, wanting to have Off closer. After a while Off pressed him down in the mattress and positioned himself over him. He attacked his lips again before placing little kisses on his way down Gun’s body. Off lingered a little longer at his nipples, exactly knowing how much Gun liked it. Also he kissed Gun’s six pack thoroughly. After all this time and their many encounters, Off turned out to be an expert in pleasing Gun and he loved the feeling that he was worshipped in a way.

Gun was roaming his hands through Off’s hair and gently pulling it, guiding him slowly downwards. Off eventually kissed Gun’s dick through his boxers and started slowly nibbling its tip.

“Papii…” He was melting under Off and wondered how he survived without this for so long. Off then pulled down both their boxers and came back up to kiss Gun. It was not wild but rather slow and Gun felt how much Off cared for him. Gun wrapped his arms and legs around Off and kissed him back.

“Gun, baby…” Gun heard that Off was hesitating, maybe even getting emotional and so he silenced him with another kiss and reached out for the drawer, where he knew Off kept his condoms. He took one and found the lube next to it and handed them to Off.

“Make me feel your love…”

Was this cheesy? Yes. Gun was actually a little cringing saying this, but Off looked touched. It was somehow an acknowledgement that Gun was okay, with Off feeling that way.

Was Gun okay with it? He didn’t know. 

He just knew that Off’s breathing stopped for a moment and he put a hand on Gun’s cheek to caress it and placing a kiss on his lips. Then Off reached out for the lube and moistened his fingers.

Off’s fingers were heaven and Gun really impatient after a while.

“It’s been so long Papii…don’t let me wait any longer.” And Off didn’t. He put the condom and more lube on his cock and slowly pushed into him. Gun missed that feeling so freaking much! 

“Hhhnnn...” He panted but his moan was filled with pleasure. Off also groaned as he started moving and then changed their position a little. He reached under Gun’s shoulders and pressed him to his chest and Gun felt as if Off was afraid he would disappear. Off leaned down and captured his lips. Since they were so close, Gun’s dick rubbed between their bellies. How could this be all so much!? 

“Papii I am close…” Only some seconds after he said it, Gun came feeling really ecstatic. Off went on fucking him, now a little faster and the continuing stimulation made Gun nearly fade.

“Ahhh a little more…” Off let go of Gun and straightened up. He took hold of Gun’s hip and after some more hard thrusts he came too. They both were breathing hard and after Off threw away the condom and cleaned Gun’s belly, they lay down again and snuggled together.

“I missed this so much…” Gun said after a while, hoping that it was okay to say that. “I missed your closeness.”

“Me too, you have no idea how much.”

Gun pressed his eyes together and hid himself in Off’s chest. These words felt like a dagger than stabbed into Gun’s heart. Off had missed him as well obviously! Probably he was hurting even more than himself and Gun felt miserable enough already.

“I…” Gun stopped trying to find his voice. “I don’t-” Gun looked for words. “I might not be able to give you what you deserve to get. Why must-”

“Shhh… don’t think about it now. We will see, now sleep.”

Off tightened the hug and if Gun wasn’t dead tired, he would have plainly talked with him. But right now he had no power anymore. Before drifting away into sleep, Gun swore himself to try his best. He knew that if it was Off, he could make it and overcome somehow this incredible fear he had for so long already.


	53. You are you (19) POV Mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am madly in love with them <3

_“Mike! How did you convinced this beautiful lady to be with you?” Off asked, seemingly changing topic. Everyone laughed and Mike began to tell their story._

Mike always knew that he didn’t care what gender the person he loves had. For him all that counted was that he felt deeply connected to that person no matter who it was. The rest would work anyway.

So it wasn’t shocking for him that after a while he really grew fond of Godji. She was their boss in some way also if she was an GMMTV employee as all of them. Still her organizing a lot and always being there behind the camera gave Mike a good feeling. He was getting along with her so well actually and at some point, they started meeting in private more and more.

“Mike, where are your thoughts?”

He looked up from his drink and noticed he was probably chewing on his straw for the longest while.

“Sorry, I just thought about how nice our day was until now.”

Mike smiled at the woman across him. Godji looked gorgeous. She was wearing a sweet yellow dress and had her hair was curled, put together in a ponytail, but some strands falling into her face.

She blushed as Mike said that and he couldn’t help but smile more.

“For me too, we should meet more often and go shopping.”

And they did. But it wasn’t like they were dating, since Mike never really asked her out. It was more like mutual agreeing to spend free time together, as friends would do.

Mike knew what he was feeling for her and that it wasn’t what friends felt So he decided to start making things clear and of course hoping his feeling were reciprocated.

_Hey my lady :) How about we go for dinner tonight? I think you are free and I would love to see you again_

Mike was freaking nervous because this message was indeed a little different than what he normally would write. Luckily he didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

_I would love to! Usual place?_

Their usual place was a burger saloon in Siam center since they both loved going there. But this time Mike didn’t want it to be normal and rather go into a nice restaurant.

_I will pick you up at around 6 okay? Let’s go somewhere new, I will reserve a table :)_

_Wow what a gentleman… okay see you!!_

Mike was nervous all remaining day but felt really good at the same time. He was going on a date with a beautiful lady and so he decided to smarten himself up. An elegant white shirt and his tight trousers would do it. Should he shave himself? He liked his beard a lot and Godji said he looks funny that way, so she probably has nothing against it?

Before he could realize it was 6 and Godji rang at his door. Mike exhaled, took his things and went downstairs.

“Wow you look good, what is going on?” Godji smirked and Mike joined.

“I thought why not, you always look dashing and so I wanted to join.”

“Idiot.” Mike huffed and they went to the car, driving to the restaurant. As they arrived, Godji gave him a questioning look.

“What is this all? Are you trying to impress me…did you do anything??”

“Whaaat? No. How do you assume I did something…can’t we go eating out nicely?” Mike tried to sound fake hurt and make jokes, but inside he was nervous, since this could end up really bad actually.

“Ok. Then I will take your invitation serious and am really flustered.”

She smiled and they entered. Mike had reserved a table and they had a nice private corner.

The food was amazing, the atmosphere really nice and the company the best he could wish for. And so Mike turned a little sad when they stood up and paid. He didn’t really know what he planned anyway. It’s not as if he needed to confess today or anything. They had time to grow even closer, but still he would be happy if this could be a first step already.

“I can’t stop thinking about this looked like a date today. Mike, what is going on?”

Mike turned around to check the situation, they were standing in front of his car right now. He just needed a moment to collect himself. His thoughts were all over the place and he probably made a fool of himself right now.

“You know…I- would you want it to be a date?”

Mike looked at her hopefully, standing quite close now.

“Huuh…?”

“Whether you want this to be a date…”

Mike repeated and saw how Godji looked at him. She seemed so confused and Mike considered if he should laugh and say it’s all a joke. No, he couldn’t do that. Although it could save the situation, it wouldn’t be good in long term.

“I wouldn’t mind…if it was one. I would be happy about that! But I mean- I- it doesn’t seem like-” Godji obviously didn’t know what she wanted to say, but that what Mike heard was that she was okay with it!

“Great. So I would confirm that it was one.” He smiled and saw how Godji’s face lightened up.

“Okay.”

They stood in silence, just smiling weirdly. After a while Godji started talking again: “You know you don’t have to do that. We can be friends…I didn’t know I was so obvious and you are always nice to everyone so I guess you feel the need to-”

Mike heard what Godji was saying and his eyes widened as he understood what she was implying. She thought he was doing that out of pity? He needed to stop her, but he couldn’t form any words in that moment and so there was only one other way to make her understand.

Mike stepped closer again and placed his hands at Godji’s cheeks. Then he quickly leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. They were nearly the same height, so it was really comfortable since nobody had to lean down or tiptoe. Mike moved his lips only a little not wanting to scare her and leave the possibility for her to back off if she didn’t want that.  
But it wasn’t the case. Godji was calm and after some moments, she placed her hands at his hip. Mike smiled into the kiss and after some more pecks he stepped back and finally answered.

“That’s not true. I don’t do this because I feel like I need to, I want to.”

Godji was silent, seemingly still needing to process what just happened. Mike honestly needed that moment as well, not really believing what he dared to do.

“You know. This is crazy.” Godji laughed a little. “What is this?”

Mike reached out for Godji’s hands and held them. “It’s me hitting on you.”

“Crazy, you are simply crazy.”

“Why?”

“You are an amazing guy and I am- you know how I am.”

“And? I don’t mind, I know it’s different…but I…I am okay, we can figure things out.”

Godji looked skeptical and so Mike added: “Only if you want of course. I don’t know if you feel the same, I only guessed so.”

Godji nodded. “I want to. I really do, I just think that it will be hard and you could find someone better.”

Mike shook his head, wanting to make her very clear that right now there was nobody else he would want to be in her place.

“Let’s go home okay?” Godji said and Mike felt she needed some space to maybe think abut all of it. “Okay.”

Mike drove her to her house in silence. 

“We write each other, okay? And see how things go on…?” Mike asked. Godji nodded and ran her hand over his arm before leaving.

Mike hit his head on the wheel and felt so exhausted. He was in between feeling happy, relieved, worried, dumb and tired. How was it even possible to feel all of that at the same time?

This feeling of not knowing what the case after their date was continued. They texted as usual, but Mike felt he didn’t see Godji that much. Maybe he shouldn’t interpret too much and it was just coincidence since they were both busy, but he couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

It was great that after the last shooting day of ‘Theory of Love’, he and his friends went drinking. He wanted to talk with Earth or White, he hoped they would understand and give him some tips how to proceed.

Of course, White was drunk but nonetheless it was good to hear his opinion. White used the word ‘cool’ as Mike told him about his feelings for Godji, their date and kiss.

Was it really ‘cool’? Mike didn’t know what it was. If he was sure about his feelings, and about being determined to conquer her after their date, now he started doubting. It was as if she wasn’t interested. But maybe it was really just because she didn’t think this could work. Her words about Mike just doing it out of pity and him finding someone better, still stuck in his head. He just didn’t want her to think such wrong things!

So it was some weeks after their date that Mike really wanted to make things clear!

He had a day off and knew Godji was going to be in her office, so he went there not really having any plan.

Mike saw Godji being focused on something on her laptop, so he knocked to get her attention. “Hey!” 

“Oh hi!”

Godji turned her chair and faced him.

“So I wanted to talk to you. Do you have time now?”

“Ok. Yeah I should take a break anyway.”

They headed to the break room and were lucky it was empty.

Mike decided to come to the point immediately: “I have the feeling you avoid me. Tell me if I’m wrong but I somehow hoped after what happened it would be the opposite.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ignore you in any way. It’s just a lot going on right now…”

Mike stopped closer, touching her arms now to try to give her some security. “It’s okay, I’m not mad, I just want to be closer to you.”

“I don’t think you want that. Did you think about this thoroughly? We can’t-”

“Of course we can. I like you and it seems you like me too, so please don’t have so many doubts…”

“But I am not woman!” Godji suddenly blurted out. Mike stepped closer, so that they could feel each other’s body warmth.

“That’s not true. You are, what you feel you are and I see you as that. Also if you were not a women, I would like you. I fell in love with you.” He emphasized the ‘you’ to make it clear what he meant. “With your laugh, your humor and your amazing talent. I fell for your character and not for your body. Although your body is really nice as well…”

At the last words he smirked a little. Then he reached out and put a lost strand of hair behind her ear.

“How can you say all this?” Godji sounded really emotional and bit her lip. “This sounds so wrong, nobody said this about me before.”

“I say all this because it’s true. That’s the way I see and feel it, and if nobody else before me could appreciate that, then they are really blind.”

Mike saw how Godji’s eyes got wet and a tear ran down her cheek. Mike reached up and wiped it away. “Hey don’t cry please…”

“Sorry I am just really touched…I can’t really believe this.”

“Me neither, but I know what I feel and I know we could be something great.”

Godji smiled now and nodded. “Thank you. I never thought this would happen!” Then she leaned in and hugged Mike strongly.

He grinned like crazy and petted her back. After standing there for a while in silence, Godji very silently mumbled into his shoulder: “I like you too of course, a lot actually, for a while…”

“I’m glad! I really am…”

And so they started dating, it was weird at first since they were both shy. For Godji it was her first relationship anyway and Mike just needed to find out how to handle this new situation, since he had two relationships in the past, but they weren’t that serious anyway.

It was all so easy with Godji though.

They could see each other nearly daily since they had the same workplace. They didn’t hide themselves and just acted as they felt. Pretty sure after a while a lot of actors noticed what was going on between them and some even started teasing them, but they just joined in.

“Mike! You will get a seeerieees!!” Godji hurried towards him after returning from work with a smile on her face.

“What, why don’t I know about that?!” Mike acted really shocked, but he was really surprised indeed.

“You will get the official information soon, but they want you for the side couple in ‘2gether’.”

“Wow! I didn’t think I would get that role! Shia, who is my partner going to be?” Godji smiled and meanwhile placed the dishes on the table.

“Do you want to guess?”

“Noooo! Just tell me!”

“Ok, we need to wait for his okay of course, but I’m sure he will be happy. It’s Toptap.”

Mike grinned and nodded then. He was a good friend of the smaller guy and knew this would turn out to be so much fun.

“They said if the series and you two have success, they consider keeping you as a couple for more series.”

“Uuhhh interesting! I’m in!” Mike smiled and wanted to jump around of happiness, when he saw that Godji looked a little critical.

“Are you jealous?” Mike asked impishly.

“No of course not!” Godji hit him and Mike rubbed his arm. He loved to provoke her every now and then because she was just adorable when angry.

“Ouuu, I hoped you would be. Working with somebody as cute as Toptap…”

“Mike! Don’t force me to hit you more!”

“Maybe I like that?” He grinned and knew Godji was about to laugh any moment as well, but sternly trying to look serious.

“Eat now before it gets cold you idiot.” Mike smiled and placed a kiss on Godji’s cheek. “Don’t worry nobody is as cute as you.”

“Uggh don’t be so cheesy.”

They ate and it felt just perfect. They had an amazing chemistry, teasing each other a lot, but knowing that in the end it was all just fun. Their relationship had a serious side as well which was romantic and of course also sensual. 

Mike felt so happy and looked forward to future projects and still deepening his relationship with his amazing girlfriend.


	54. Trying it (20) POV Gun

Gun woke up after feeling the sunlight tickle on his face. At first he didn’t really know where he was, since it’s been a long time that he woke up in this bed next to this guy.

_Papii_

Gun looked at the sleeping man next to him and admire his handsomeness. Gun felt happy, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel this was a mistake. How should this work out anyway? 

Pushing away troubling thoughts, he checked the time and saw that it was quite late. He had an appointment later and had to collect some things at his place.

“Papii…Papii!” Off slowly woke up and turned to him. “It’s late already. We should stand up.”

Both started trying to find their way out of the mess of bedsheets. Off was probably as naked as him, but he didn’t even mind checking the floor for his boxers and made his way to the other side of the bed.

Gun didn’t know what made him ask it, but he wanted it so much: “Can we shower together?”

Since Off didn’t really answer and seemed to think too much again, Gun took his hand and pulled him up and towards the bathroom. Off followed and Gun knew that he didn’t disapprove.

They were really silent and worked together so well as if it was normality. Only with the water temperature they did not agree. “Oooii Papii, not so cold!”

After a while Gun decided to make Off feel good and started to wash his hair. Off seemed tense and Gun swallowed, feeling guilty again. Probably Off didn’t like this…not when they were not more than friends.

Since Off was standing under the jet and didn’t move at all, Gun worried and turned off the water. “Papii…” He saw Off’s hurt expression now and the inner fight he was probably going through, so he stepped forward and hugged him.

Gun felt again as if all air was pressed out of his lungs as he continued talking: “I want to try it. I care so much about you. But the thought of a relationship just freaks me out…”

Fuck, he didn’t want to cry again! But here he was, wet and cold, hugging his most important person and sobbing again. Into the bargain also Off was crying now and that really didn’t help.

“Why? Didn’t you have a boyfriend before?”

_I did, but it was horrible._

Gun didn’t say it and also didn’t know what exactly he should say, so he just tried to put into words what his real fear was. “Well…I just can’t be captured in something. Just thinking about it takes my breath away.”

“What? Why…I mean, don’t you want to settle down one day and have a family?”

_Family?_

Gun never thought so far ahead. He never pictured himself moving out of his grandma’s house, leaving Pim alone and starting his own little thing. 

But it sounded suddenly wonderful now that maybe there was Off next to him.

Gun felt his emotions burst and he started crying heavily, glad that Off hugged him. He just clinged to him and noticed only dimly that he was carried to the bedroom.

They sat on the bed, wrapped in a cozy big towel and pressed together as if life depended on each other.

Maybe it even did?

Gun didn’t know how much time passed, but it seemed both calmed down and they started dressing in silence. Gun wanted to wear Off’s cloths and was strolling thorough his nice wardrobe. As he picked everything he looked at the jewelry box and froze.

“Papii, I have the same bracelet! Look.” Gun ran to Off and held the bracelet next to the one he was wearing. 

Was this destiny?

“I know. Your grandma gifted me the same one.”

Ohh, so no destiny. Gun felt shy now for his dumb thoughts, but also so happy, thinking about his granny being so cute. “That’s great! Why don’t you wear it, the fans will like it too.”

He did and Gun smiled proudly. They ate something and after a while Off addressed the topic again. “So what should we do now? You know…about us?”

Gun heard hope in Off’s voice and swallowed. Off had every reason to have hope, didn’t he?

“As I said before, I don’t feel good about committing to a person. It makes me feel hemmed in. I-” Gun didn’t know how to explain his feelings. “I made some bad experience in the past and I never had a reason to overcome that negative approach that developed over the years.”

Gun looked directly into Off’s eyes, who though found the table more interesting right now. So Gun continued, before Off would understand his words wrongly.

“Now I have one.” 

Gun didn’t know what’s got into him. He even reached out and grabbed Off’s hand. “I am sorry. You would deserve a better person at your side. I still don’t know if I am able to love you. I mean, in the same way you love me. But I want to try.”

Gun saw Off crying again and his heart couldn’t take it anymore. “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course.”

Gun stood up and without hesitation, he took Off’s face into his hands and leaned in. Soon they both started to intensify the kiss, but since they had no time to go further, they stopped and took some seconds to collect themselves. Gun placed a last peck on Off’s lips, not able to hold back.

A quick glance on the clock showed Gun that it was really time to go. 

“I need to leave now. We call, okay?” Off nodded and Gun hurried and grabbed all his things, swearing that he had three bags. Off expected him at the door and let him out.

They stood there for a moment, no words needed and Gun could feel the touch of Off’s lips on his and the gentle caressing of his hand, as he was waiting for his taxi.


	55. Like in the series (20) POV New

_Hey Tay, how about we meet these days? Haven’t seen you for a while!_

New sighed as he sent his message. Somehow he was nervous and he wanted nothing more than to hit his head on the table for feeling so weird. He just asked Tay for some nice friend time, so why did he feel as if he was doing something forbidden? They never stopped being friends, right? Just kept a little distance between them so that slowly their couple would get less attention. But now New had the feeling they didn’t see each other at all!

_Hi, man definitely! It’s been a while! I already thought about meeting some of my friends a last time, before we are not allowed anymore :’(_

_Great! But do you really think it will come so far, that we will have a kind of lockdown?_

_I expect the worse…you know me, I seem to be very optimistic, but in reality, I think too much and imagine the worst…_

_Yeah of course I know that. We have been too close for me not to notice! So how about tomorrow morning…usual place?_

New waited and noticed that suddenly Tay wasn’t online anymore. Weird but okay, since New had some lines to read for tomorrow afternoon’s shooting.

After half an hour later New heard his phone beep.

_Sorry I was interrupted by Joss. Tomorrow morning sounds wonderful! See you :)_

New smiled and tucked away his phone to concentrate on his script gain. Nonetheless he kept thinking about how Tay could have been distracted by Joss half an hour long…? If he came home or whatever, then Tay could have just excused himself and quickly answered him. Did Tay have to ask Joss if meeting New was okay? No, New just couldn’t imagine Joss acting that way. New had one other explanation for the weird situation in his mind, a really dirty one, but he really didn’t want to think about that too much. “Oh Goooood!”

New tried to push away such thoughts and focus on his character and after a while his full concentration was back.

A few hours later his phone beeped again.

_Hey New! Me again :) Is it okay if Off meets me or rather us at lunch? I know you are busy in the afternoon, but didn’t want to just drag him along if it’s our private time._

New bit his lip. Somehow he wanted to be alone with Tay, since he knew how these two would stick together only and sometimes forgot everything around them. But more importantly New wanted to talk more to Off again. Since that crucial night, they didn’t talk that much. Things seemed to be okay overall, but he didn’t want to miss a chance to make it fully okay again.

_You know what, he can even join as in the morning. The more the merrier!_

_Coooool! See you <3_

After this, New closed his script not being able to focus anymore. This was all so crazy. But what was this? Was it him or Tay or all of them? Why did everything get so complicated these last weeks. He felt as if he was part of one of GMMTV’s BL series, especially as it seemed all of his friends turned gay!!

“Am I in a movie?!”

He said halfheartedly and run his hand over his face, when being startled by a voice behind him.

“If that’s so then I hope it has a happy end.”

“Oh hey sweetie…”

New turned around to see his girlfriend approaching him. 

“How was your day?”

She sat next to him and cuddled into his chest. “Exhausting as usual, but it’s okay. I feel way better already when I am here with you.”

New smiled and hugged her small and perfect body. Suddenly all his worries were gone, releasing that he had one of the most important things here with him in his arms. He was still looking forward to Tay and Off tomorrow, but he knew it was better to step away a little, knowing that things changed and his time at Tay’s side was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow why does this sound so dramatic o_O


	56. Friends (20) POV Tay

Tay met New in front of the entrance and was confused. “New! Hey why aren’t you waiting at our meeting point?”

“Hi!” New seemed a little confused since he scratched his neck. “I was afraid Off would be there already and I didn’t know how to behave alone. You know…after all.”

Tay rolled his eyes and more playfully than serious he hit New’s head. “Sometimes I wonder if you are an adult. It will all be fine, now come, we are late already.”

As Tay thought, it all was easy going. Off didn’t seem to hold any grudge against New and so Tay’s mood was excellent! He was with his closest friends, first drinking a coffee and going through his thoughts what he should buy for Joss’ birthday. The conversation between them was so good and they had the biggest fun in a long time. Tay was glad the Gun problematic was not mentioned since it seemed Off didn’t address the topic himself. 

“How are you and Gun? I never had the possibility to apologize for my shitty behavior.”

New said that as if he read Tay’s thoughts. Tay wanted to bang his head on the table, that was a classic move from his friend. Surprisingly Off answered as soon as he found words.

Tay kind of didn’t listen so carefully in the belief to know the full story. “…we ended in bed again. He told me he has some problems committing to a person, but I don’t understand-”

Tay suddenly remembered what he read on the internet. “That’s where I can help!!” Tay tried to explain to Off what he found on the endless medical pages he read and what people in the comments shared from their experience. Gun surely had a problem to belong to someone, although a healthy relationship didn’t even include a real belonging. He must have experienced something bad or at least his perception of certain aspects of relationship must be wrong, whatever reason he has.

Off and New looked at his confused as fuck but they really tried to follow him, even asking some follow up questions. It felt as if they were solving some kind of puzzle.

The last detail he shared made Tay feel really sad again. “Off, he cried that evening because he missed you so much. He felt bad for treating you that way, but he just can’t help himself. I am sure he loves you, he just doesn’t know himself. He really has some kind of fear.”

Tay wanted nothing more than his friends to solve this and be happy, because it was obvious that both of them suffered.

“Show him what he could have and make sure he sees that a relationship is no prison, it’s wonderful.”

Tay couldn’t help but smile a little, thinking about his own perfect one. He really didn’t find another word in his head than perfect. He was so happy that he nearly was close to tears at that moment.

“Let’s go shopping please! I need a topic change.” Off paid for all of them and they all left the cafe.

While strolling around in the shops, Tay decided on what he wants to buy for Joss. A tie would be cute, wouldn’t it? Joss didn’t need anything big, he could buy himself all he needed, but still Tay wanted to gift him something and a tie is also very useful.

“I want to buy a tie for Joss’ birthday.” He informed them and went towards the big wall full of colored ties with various patterns and fabrics.

Ohhh they were all so pretty! Tay grabbed a burgundy one and a black one with a grey pattern, so it didn’t look to boring. The question only was how it would look at Joss…?  
“Off! Come here. I can’t choose between these two, put them on.”

“Me? Why?”

“Joss is a little taller than you, but you are still taller than me, so I want to see how it looks from my position.”

Tay heard himself say this and was sure this sounded so dumb. But he just wanted to see them when someone wore them and Off happened to be here. Confused Off did what Tay asked and letter stepped closer, looking him in the eyes.

Off was his best friend and not long ago the position they were in right now would have caused Tay a heart attack. Off was beautiful, that didn’t change, but what changed was that Tay really honestly didn’t feel as much for him as for Joss. It didn’t help fully though that Off looked at him with wide eyes and even swallowed. “Stay still, I’m imagining Joss here.”

Tay laughed, panicking a little and punched Off friendly, trying to ease the mood. Off laughed as well and Tay could decide after he made Off change tie at least five times.

“I am hungry now!” Off said after they finally exited the shop. Off went ahead looking for a restaurant and so Tay was walking next to New.

“You know for a moment I found you very cute with Off. The way you two stood close…it somehow fitted.”

Tay felt his cheeks heat up and he turned to New looking at him with a shocked face. “What..? Me and Off- No… what?”

“Man sorry, it was just a small comment, don’t worry.” New slung his arm around him and they caught up on Off who stood at the entrance of a sushi restaurant and so Tay couldn’t even think about these words longer.

Tay felt way too full, but he couldn’t stop having so many yummy things in front of him.

“I need to leave now. It was a pleasure and I see you soon at work! Byeee.”

Tay felt bad for not spending any time alone with New, but New himself proposed that Off could join them the whole time. Nonetheless Tay hoped that New felt okay and enjoyed the time. What if he wanted to talk about something private? But he could have done it in fornt of Off either way.

Without noticing it, Tay found himself with Off on the grass in a park. 

“Sooooo, tell me about Joss. I don’t know much actually.”

Off grinned at him sheepishly and Tay felt his cheeks heaten up. Tay tried hard to change topic but Off was insisting.

“As you can imagine, we are together. I really love him…I’m so happy.”

Tay didn’t dare to look at Off. He felt guilty and many ways, well actually in two ways. He was happy while his best friend was struggling with his love and so Tay rather not revealed to much. The second reason was that Tay felt some kind of irony, since he liked Off for so long and now he was here talking how happy he was with another guy.

“I’m so glad! You deserve it so much.”

Did he hear some emotions in Off’s voice? Was he moved?

Tay turned to look at him. “It means a lot to me to hear that from you.” It really did, incredibly much. Tay reached out and grabbed Off’s hand, just needing to feel him, reassure him that they are fine, whatever reason there might be that they are not.

Tay quickly remembered that Off surely didn’t like it and let go. Off seemed to notice the weird tension and tried to lighten the mood: “So you two did it?”

Tay knew this would come. He nodded and hoped Off would drop the topic. He didn’t obviously.

“Did you like it? I mean…I am assuming you are, well you know-”

God, this guy was killing him! Asking and then not even able to say the things. Tay was laughing internally so much and decided to help.

“Yes I bottomed. Especially at our first time…I had no idea and so he took the lead. But now actually…we change.”

Their conversation soon turned from shy and uncomfortable to their normal funny way and they kept lying in the grass for a while. On the way home Tay thought about the talk again, especially Off’s euphoria that he topped Joss and couldn’t help but think back at the time, he indeed fucked Joss the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes we will see that in the next chapter!! *excited*


	57. Dominance (20) POV Joss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time that I could hardly decide whose pov I wanted to show. Both would have been interesting but I guess we had less Joss, so here we go!! <3 Smut coming <3

It was definitely more than five times that Joss mentioned it. He had told Tay that he had experience with guys and was the passive part in the past already. Joss liked it a lot and so he proposed to switch quite soon after they started to be sexually more active.

Overall Joss couldn’t complain at all. He loved what he and Tay were doing and with his boyfriend everything was just amazing and wonderful. Nonetheless Joss’ mind wandered every time he saw Tay’s hot thick cock lying on his belly while he fucked him or when he felt him lying heavy on his tongue. His mind imagined how amazing it would feel inside him.

He didn’t want to pressure Tay. It was incredible anyway that the older one even was so open immediately and his shyness disappeared quickly. Tay was just not used to all of this, but since he was a cuddly person overall at least the necessary closeness was there automatically. And his shyness concerning sex was probably shooed away by the amazing pleasure Joss was giving him.

Joss grinned sheepishly at that thought and noticed he soon arrived at his apartment. He just finished a photoshoot day and hoped that Tay would answer his message soon. Joss wanted to see him badly, since they haven’t seen each other for two days and that was quite something for them.

_Sure! I can be there in 20 minutes, I’ll pack my sleepover bag ;)_

Joss smiled at the message and as soon as he entered his apartment, he quickly hopped under the shower feeling all sweaty from the day. Then he tidied up the living and bedroom although there wasn’t much chaos anyway.

On time his doorbell rang and within milliseconds he held the smaller guy in his arms. 

“Ohhh…” Tay silently exhaled but hugged back as fierce as he could.

Joss let him go and still standing in the door he pressed a kiss on Tay’s lips, who reciprocated the kiss eagerly.

“I missed this…I missed you.”

Tay smiled and grabbed his arm, pressing gently and looking down. 

_He is shy…Cute!!_

Joss smiled lovingly and pulled Tay inside.

“Do you want something to eat?”

Joss entered the kitchen and wondered for a short moment why he received no answer, but suddenly arms were hugging him from behind. “I want to eat something yes, but no food.”

Tay pressed a kiss into Joss’ neck who was really surprised by all of this. Tay kept going and nibbled at his neck as best as he could, since he was indeed way smaller than Joss.  
Also Tay’s hands didn’t stay inactive, starting to run over his boyfriends torso, squeezing stimulating his nipples. Joss felt totally overwhelmed, being breathless and weak on his legs.

“If you want to eat something real then-”

“No!!” Joss spoke immediately, not wanting Tay to stop. “No, I like your propose.”

Joss heard Tay smiling behind him and pressed himself closer.

Fuck, they were both half hard already.

“Turn around.” Tay said as he stopped his movements after a while. Joss did, liking this tone in Tay’s voice.

Tay was beautiful. He was obviously turned on, his hair a little confused, probably from pressing his head in Joss’ back and his lips parted.

“You want me to top you, right?”

Jos swallowed and was totally taken aback seeing such determination in Tay and no shyness.

“Yes.”

“Okay but help me.”

Joss nodded putting his hand on Tay’s waist and pulling them close together. As their dicks touched trough their trousers, both sighed.

“Aahh, what next?”

Joss smirked. “How about this…” He leaned down and kissed Tay intensely. The kiss was full of passion but not hectically and they stayed as they were and explored their mouths for some minutes.

“Let’s go to the bedroom.”

Normally Joss would take Tay’s hand and drag him there, but today he made a gesture to let Tay lead the way. He should learn to be in charge as well. Joss still felt the tingling in his body as Tay attacked his from behind just now. He wanted more of this!

Arrived in the other room, nothing much happened. “Tay.”

“Yes!” Tay turned to him looking like a lost puppy. Joss approached and hugged him. “Don’t worry so much, you did so well earlier, I loved dominant Tay….”

Joss whispered into Tay’s ear and kissed it afterwards.

“I thoughts so…ok.” Tay pushed him away gently and the next moment Joss found himself on the bed, over him Tay who looked at him as if he was a treasure. Joss smiled and tried to convey the same look, since he indeed felt the same.

Tay attacked his neck with kisses and bites, while Joss started running over Tay’s body. He lifted the shirt wanting to get rid of it when Tay grabbed both his hands and held them over Joss’ head.

“You won’t do anything today.”

So Joss followed and gave Tay the total lead. The smaller one took off his own shirt at first and was still then. Joss looked at him confused but enjoyed the view with a hungry look…God! Tay was such a snack.

Tay was still not actually doing a lot. He sat on Joss tights and was only running over Joss hips.

“Tay?”

“Patience…”

Joss knew that Tay was teasing him on purpose. He liked doing it to Tay and so maybe this was a kind of revenge. Nonetheless Joss loved it.

After a while Tay moved forward and started moving.

“Hhhnn…” Joss liked this slow start and he felt as he gradually hardened more.

He wanted to take off his shirt, but Tay was in charge, so he better didn’t. Or should he make Tay scold him again and show some dominance…Yes. Joss grinned evilly inside and grabbed his shirt and pulled it away.

“Hey, I didn’t say you could do that!”

“And what will you do now?”

Tay was speechless for a moment, probably not expecting Joss to counter so playful.

It took him only a moment though before he found himself and his new attitude.

“This needs to be punished.”

Before Joss could say or even think anything, Tay was kissing him demanding. He invaded Joss’ mouth and didn’t let him any chance of kissing back. And then out of the nowhere Tay bit his lip.

“Aaahh.” It didn’t really hurt, but when Tay backed off, Joss could taste some blood.

Surprisingly Joss felt a jolt of lust run through him as soon as Tay had bitten. Did he have some pain kink? Maybe it was only because it showed Tay’s hot dominating side.

The next moment Tay grabbed in between his legs and palmed his dick in his pants. “Fuck, yeah!” Joss was starving for more touch at this point and was close to act again on his own.

Still massaging him through his pants, Tay said: “Don’t even think about it.”

Joss bid his lips, wanting to touch Tay and kiss him, wanting to get out of his trousers, peel Tay out of his, wanting to touch himself or Tay, suck him or even fuck, but he couldn’t and started breathing hard.

“You like that, right?” Tay sounded provocative, but Joss knew he was also asking for real. 

To be honest Joss loved this. Although he was frustrated and couldn’t believe they were still wearing their pants after so long he enjoyed it so much.

He nodded and said: “Can you kiss me please?”

Tay did and pressed them together, lying fully on Joss. They started rubbing on each other, their dick’s and their muscular chests touching and Joss couldn’t help but put his arms around Tay now.

“Okay enough teasing.” Tay said giggling, probably being impatient now too.

He stood up a little and pulled down his trousers and boxers. Then he crawled on the bed upwards to Joss and luckily started opening Joss trainers as well.

As Joss was finally freed from all cloths, he exhaled and bent his legs to let Tay have access.

Tay hesitated a little but slid up more then, laying on Joss again.

He started a kiss. It was quite passionate but still calm without any hurry. 

Their dicks touched and Joss kept on moving his hips for some frictiob. He would have reached between them to stroke a little, but first of all Tay was in charge today and second he didn’t know if he could hold it long if he did.

“Tay please…” He then said and saw some more doubts in his boyfriend’s eyes. So Joss opened the drawer and handed Tay the lube. Then he reached under his tights and lifted his legs, so that there was a perfect view on his ass.

Joss would have never guessed Tay never did this judging by his performance.

The way Tay opened him up carefully but still pleasuring him, was amazing. Probably he just imitated what he knew from Joss and so it was clear that Joss liked it.

It didn’t take long and Tay put over a condom and positioned himself.

“Tell me if I do something wrong.”

Joss smiled and pulled Tay’s face close to his. “You won’t, you will make me feel amazing. But now fuck me finally.” Joss pulled him down and they kissed while Joss grabbed Tay’s ass and made him enter him.

“Fuck!” Tay surprisingly exclaimed and was all the way inside him. Joss was panting in silence, needing to get used to it. Tay had his eyes closed and his head in his neck. “Fuck!” He said again and even whimpered a little. “It’s so warm and tight…”

Tay then looked down and Joss smiled. He had his own eyes half closed and felt blissful already even if Tay yet didn’t move. The next moment this changed though, and Tay was moving slowly, kissing him again.

The room was filled with moans and it was definitely louder than normally. Joss was especially surprised by Tay’s sounds, who really enjoyed this obviously. Joss only realized that in was the first time that Tay’s cock was inside someone! Of course this must have felt mind blowing. Hands or even Joss’ mouth were never as tight as this and since Tay also never did it with a girl…

Joss had no power to keep thinking about it or anything because Tay changed angle and suddenly Joss had one hit on his prostate after another.

“God! Yes that’s it, fuck me!” Joss started moving his hips too to feel Tay even deeper if that was even possible. 

“I can’t…long…” Tay said burying his face into Joss’ shoulder.

“Just come when you need…” Joss kissed Tay’s neck and licked his shoulder, biting a little. Joss knew he would also come soon, maybe if Tay could continue for another few minutes he could come untouched.

Tay had other plans though and straightened up, continuing fucking Joss. He reached out, grabbed Joss’ cock and started moving. Immediately Joss bend his back, loosing his last nerves, being totally overstimulated.

“Tay- fuck- I come, I come…”

Joss felt an amazing orgasm rush through him and didn’t really bother that his come squirted all over his upper body.

Tay was moaning as well in that moment, probably feeling Joss’ orgasm as well, when his muscles contracted. Joss reached out and caressed Tay’s chest, running over the hard nipples and seeing shivers run over Tay. 

“Aaahh!” With a last thrust Tay also came, Joss could feel his inside getting a little warmer. “God…” Tay was breathing hard, wiping away the sweat that started dripping into his face.

“Come here.” Joss pulled him in for a kiss, trying to not pull Tay into the mess on his belly though. “I loved it.” Tay wanted some more kissed and so Joss followed, smiling when Tay decided to give a fuck about the mess and just lay on Joss.

“Maybe you should pull out first.”

“Sorry…” Tay did and Joss felt empty but so happy. He observed Tay putting the condom away, before he snuggled to him again.

“This was so fucking good...”

Joss grinned as Tay whispered these words shyly, still hiding his face in his neck.

“I told you, but you were too insecure of your abilities. You were amazing baby…” Joss stroked Tay’s back and kissed his forehead.

“Well now I know how it works and we can do it again, if you want.”

“Perfect, yes we do what we feel and just change, that’s the best thing anyway.”

Joss paused and whispered in his most sensual voice: “And if we want we can also do both…first I fuck you and then you me or we use toys…we can explore so much.”

“Shit. This sounds so good…”

Joss hugged Tay tightly, who seemed to get exited again only hearing these things. Joss was totally in for a second round, but they should move under the shower since he was so sticky.

“Then why not going on with the fun? Another round under the shower sounds really promising given the fact that you are rubbing yourself on my leg again already.”

Joss made Tay sit and straightened up as well.

Tay was just so lovely, looking a little overwhelmed again. 

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too. No come…or do I need to carry you?” Joss was joking actually but Tay seized the chance and smiled cheekily. “Yes please.”

_Dork._

_Lovely dork._

_My lovely dork._


	58. Call me by your name (21) POV Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this missing scene in mind since the beginning and now I struggled where to put it and it turned out to be reeeeaaally short. It's one of the few Off point of views :)

Off somehow admired Gun’s attitude in times like these. While he was skeptical and already worried that they couldn’t see each other again, Gun even went out meeting friends and in worst case scenario even could find joy in being at home watching series. But Off was also bothered by this all, since Gun’s behavior was a little careless, but who was he to say something.

Off sighed. Of course he also could also find things to do, but it would be better if he and Gun could see each other, especially in their new situation. But that was just him thinking that way, Gun obviously didn’t…

Shortly after their phone call ended, he received a google drive link from Gun. Oh, he probably sent him the movie they just talked about already.

Off heard of it, it was quite popular in America and Europe, but he didn’t watch many English media because he struggled understanding so much. Gun seemed to like the movie a lot, so it wouldn’t be bad to check it out.

It was some day during quarantine that Off remembered it again and just started watching.

Two hours later Off was a sobbing mess on his couch.

This movie was so good! Sadly he didn’t get all conversations fully, but luckily the movie used music and scenery as main way to convey emotions. And it did a freaking good job. Off was hurt. He felt so bad for Elio and just wanted to punch that writer for such an ending.

“Maaaan!”

Off dried his face and tried to collect himself again. No wonder Gun loved the movie…it was amazing.

_Tay, I watched an amazing movie. I can send you the downloaded file. You should really watch it, also together with Joss if you two find a way <3_

_Arm to overcome your loneliness or maybe dive deeper into it watch this movie. You will cry man :’(_

_Miiiild, check this out. Probably you watched it already, but I just saw it and it was very emotional. I know you love these movies!!_

_Hey Gun <3 I watched the English movie you sent me and I really loved it! Thank you! I recommended it to a few other people, I hope many see it, because it deserves._

Off couldn’t stop thinking about the movie all evening and saw quite some parallels to some other dramas he watched and sadly also a very dominant parallel to his personal life. He couldn’t bear it if Gun ever left him as Oliver left Elio in the end, especially after all they went through and after experiencing and living the amazing love they felt for each other.


	59. The lion's help (21) POV Arm

Arm found Off often knocking at his door these days. At first, he was surprised but then Off explained that he rather stayed in the condo and didn’t go out in this situation, Arm was proud of such an attitude and preferred staying in as well. They talked about various things. Arm revealed to Off that GMMTV wanted to make some live streams from home, since all appointments, interviews and shootings were cancelled.

One evening Off wanted to open up and tell him the whole story of him and Gun. Arm appreciated that, having his information mostly from observing some things himself or also getting told some rough happenings from Tay.

“This little gghhh!” Off was somehow pissed that Tay told.

“He just tried to find a solution and wanted some more opinions. Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not, I don’t actually mind. By the way, did he talk with you about Joss?”

Arm nodded and smiled about the couple. Remembering the talk with Joss shortly before they got together, he definitely wanted to tell Off his role in this: “What Tay doesn’t know is that he can be really thankful for me! I helped them a lot in getting together.”

Off was curious: “How come?”

“I-” Arm was interrupted by the ringing of Off’s phone. 

“Excuse me, I really want to take that call… Hello?...Sure!” Off sounded really euphoric but as he hung up, he was a little confused and looked down at himself. “Arm I need to go now! Gun comes!”

Well that was a good thing, but Arm couldn’t hold back some advice: “Okay you can go immediately but listen for a moment. I know you love him, and he surely loves you too, but please! Since he handles or feels the things differently, don’t let him hurt you. I am worried.”

Off nodded and then hugged Arm. “Thank you.” Then he left and Arm was alone again.

He was alone so much recently.

He wasn’t sure if it really was because of the restrictions or if he isolated himself more and more. 

It’s been a while since he saw Toptap the last time and swore to himself to stop all this. But of course, it didn’t work. He watched ‘2gether’ as it was airing these weeks and found that Type and Man didn’t fit at all. Arm was aware that it was a series and these guys were not Toptap and Mike, but it seemed to influence him even to this extend.

Arm was a lost case.

It was good though that at least his two best friends seemed to be happy. Tay was spamming him with pictures and messages about Joss daily and Arm never experienced his friend this way. He was beaming and it was a pleasure to witness such happiness.

And Off seemed to be on a good way as well. Although Arm was still afraid Gun would totally be able to hurt Off immensely, after all it seemed Gun was opening up and indeed trying. Amazing what he did for a person he loved.

Would somebody do something like that for him as well? 

Again the guy he tried hard not to think about, came into his mind and he slowly didn’t know what to do. He had so much time recently and so ignoring this was impossible.  
Arm didn’t know why, but he decided to write Singto. They were quite good friends, not as close as Off or Tay, but he couldn’t bother these two when they were busy with their relationships themselves.

_Hi :) I hope you are doing fine! I wanted to ask you if you have time for chatting a little? I feel the need to talk to someone._

It didn’t take long and Arm received and answer. 

_Hey Arm! Yeah sure, I am available all day, you want to call? ;)_

Arm didn’t expect that. He was glad Singto agreed, but directly calling….isn’t that too much?

_Sure if you want! I am free now actually :’)_

It was only a few moments after he sent the message that his screen lit up and ‘Singto’ was written there.

“Hello?”

“Hi Arm. It’s me.” Singto sounded as he was smiling and Arm was somehow a little relieved, knowing he obviously didn’t bother his friend.

“Yeah hi, thanks for calling, it’s very sweet.” Arm meanwhile lay down on his bed, trying to get comfortable and prepare himself to what he actually wanted to say.

“No problem at all, I am free, we are advised not to go out so I would watch series all day anyway. A talk with a friend is way more interesting.”

“Probably I’m not actually interesting, but rather dumb and totally lost.”

“Wooa why?”

Arm felt no boundary at all while talking to Singto, because he knew his friend won’t judge him. There were little people he would be so sure about their kindness and  
understanding.

“I have a crush on someone.”

“Okay, well in my opinion this is totally interesting!” 

Arm chuckled shortly, glad Singto taking it with a little humor.

“So and this love is not good since you sound desperate? He doesn’t like you back or did you not yet confess?”

“I don’t think- wait! Did you say ‘he’? How...?”

“Oh Arm, also if you never told me, I noticed that.”

Arm’s mouth was agape now and he turned to lie on his side, phone still pressed at his ear.

“Ok, wow…ok.”

“Don’t worry man. It’s nothing bad and I won’t tell anybody.”

“I know. But it’s weird that you knew... Nobody does.”

“Nobody? Like no-no-nobody?” 

Arm nodded, feeling a little sad suddenly. Then he realized Singto couldn’t see him and spoke: “Not really. Well maybe some friends suspect, I don’t know. You know Arnon? He often makes jokes in this direction, but I don’t mind, I don’t know if he knows...”

“Oh I can imagine, he is so lovely and funny. But yeah I’m glad you talk to me now. Sooooo who is the guy then and what troubles you?”

“The thing is, I don’t even know him well and he probably doesn’t even think we are friends…shit this sounds so ridiculous saying it out loud, even more than in my head.”

“Love doesn’t make sense.”

“They say that indeed…”

“So as far as I understood you both aren’t close, so why not change that?”

Singto sounded so hopeful and at ease. But that wasn’t easy at all!!

“How should I do that? It would be strange, plus I always act weird with him.”

“Wow maybe you should tell me who it is firstly, so we could look for an adequate approach.”

“Toptap.” Arm couldn’t help but smile a little and hide his face more in his pillow.

“Ok sweet, but I see your problem. You two have no contact as an outsider like me can see.”

“That’s not only from the outside the case! We really have nearly no contact! Oiiii man, I am dumb.”

“You’re not dumb, I told you already you can’t force love, it just hits you and baaaaaam either you’re lucky or fucked. Well not literally, because that would be good then.”

“Singtooo!” Arm heard the suppressed laugh of Singto and had to laugh as well. “It feels good to talk about it.”

“I can imagine. I was in some heart breaking situation as well already and was glad to have some friends to talk to. So I would totally say you try to have more contact with Toptap. Well the times are not the most ideal, but it’s possible. Write him or comment under his posts…there are some ways.”

That was quite clever indeed, it would not be a direct contact so he didn’t have to panic but still he could come closer to Toptap.

“Sounds good, I didn’t think of that. Thanks! For listening as well, it’s not a given that you react so kindly…”

“Whoever would have reacted in a bad or not supportive way wouldn’t be a friend Arm.”

“That’s true. I will leave you know…” Arm just checked the clock and saw they talked for half an hour.

“Okay, just call me anytime, these days we are free anyway.”

“Thanks, I will text you anyway for your ‘live at lunch’ date. Seems to be on the 1st April, but I will send more info.”

“Perfect! Also keep me updated about your success.”

Arm heard Singto smirking. “As if I have success…bye!”

“We will see! Byebye!”

Arm threw his phone on the empty side of the bed and exhaled. 

_Wow what a nice guy._

Arm decided that he should be way better friends with Singto. He was so kind and supportive and never once judged him today. Off and Tay surely wouldn’t do as well, maybe he should talk with them too. But now it was time to start some contact as Singto said, right?

Phone again in his hand he opened Instagram and remembered Toptap posted a cute picture of himself yesterday with a little duckling as caption. Arm didn’t double tap it, because he feared to be too obvious, but now it would okay, it was plausible that meanwhile Toptap’s post showed up in his feed (and not the notification of his alert of Toptap’s post, stories, IGTV videos and live streams).

The heart in the corner turned red and Arm wondered if he should comment something. It would be weird, since no other guy he knew did and the picture was not about any series.

“Ooooiiii!”

Arm closed his phone and again it flew on the other side of the bed. Turning onto his belly and burying his face in the pillow he whispered: “This sounded so easy, but it’s definitely not!”


	60. Last time (21) POV Gun

Gun hoped Off had time for him although this was all a little spontaneous. He called and heard Off’s excitement and immediately received a yes.

Gun tried not to walk to quick, but he was in the area already and also wanted to see his friend. Friend? Were they still only friends or should Gun start getting used to think about something else? Boyfriends?

Gun started breathing harder and quickly pushed away the thought, rather pressing the doorbell in front of him.

Off looked gorgeous, he definitely got himself ready for Gun, wearing at least a bb cream. Gun knew Off without make up and he didn’t have such a perfect skin normally. The thought that Off only got himself pretty for him, made him smile and he uttered a shy “Hi.” And received a similar greeting back.

Since Off didn’t seem to do anything, Gun stepped forward and hugged him.

Gun loved hugging! So much and especially when he was hugged back, which wasn’t natural for Off. But he did this time, one hand even wandering into his hair and petting.

After some hello and how are you, they sat on the couch, where Off grabbed his hand to hold it. Gun liked the touch, but the implications still freaked him out a little.

“Prepare yourself to stay at home now for longer. Tay suspects a lockdown being established soon and slowly I think the same.”

Gun was also a little afraid about all of this…he didn’t like to be locked in somewhere.

“I am a little concerned, especially when we are separated.” Off said and kissed his hand. 

_What the…_

Gun marveled at Off’s action. This was untypical for Off, he cared for people, but not to that degree.

“It’s all fine! Don’t worry too much.”

Gun really didn’t find it necessary that Off was worried.

“But I do, I love you and I want the people I love to be safe.”

Gun heard his breath come shaky at this point, he didn’t know if this felt good or bad, but he didn’t have so much time to think about it when Off went on: “Especially when they are so reckless and go to clubs these days.”

Gun’s smile he apparently had on his face, fell and he pulled away the hand holding Off’s. Was Off serious? Did he really accuse him now? Did he wanted to say what he couldn’t do? This wasn’t about a virus now, this was about Off not wanting him to party! He always said that, also when they weren’t doing whatever they do now.

“Are you miffed because I went out with my friends?”

Gun opened his eyes widely and felt the urge to attack before he was in the role of the victim in this.

“No, no it’s fine.”

Gun was definitely angry now. He stood up as Off tried to grab his hand again. “Papii, don’t even start with things like that. I can do whatever I want and you are in no position to tell me otherwise!”

“No I’m not…”

Gun nearly didn’t hear Off, hearing blood rushing in his ears. Also he struggled focusing, feeling totally messed up suddenly.

Then he locked eyes with Off, who was still sitting on the couch, posture crumbled and looking beaten. And that’s when Gun saw the tears in Off’s eyes.

Gun’s brain was all over. He was angry and wanted to scream at Off, but it seemed Off got hurt. What…?

“I’m sorry. I just…” Gun didn’t know when he started speaking but also didn’t know what to say anyway.

“But you are right. I am just your friend, one of many.”

_No._

Gun forgot all his anger immediately and reached out for Off. “No please don’t think so, you are so special for me.”

Gun panicked. He didn’t like this way Off was thinking, but then he realized that his words from before, gave Off exactly this impression. This was not right.

With a beating heart, Gun turned Off’s face and kissed him. He just wanted to reassure him that Off was special, that he was irreplaceable, he was his most important person, his…everything.

Suddenly Off turned away. “Let’s order some food, okay?” And he left.

Gun stayed on the sofa, not knowing what to do with himself. He was the problem here not Off. Off’s reaction and words were probably normal concern, but he freaked out again.

“Hey baby it’s okay. Don’t be sad, it’s not your fault.”

Off returned and placed himself next to him again.

“It is. I just can’t handle a relationship. What you said before made me so angry and reminded me of-” Gun wanted to stop talking immediately, but it just came out. “…the past.”

“You want to talk with me about it?”

Gun felt his lungs tighten already just thinking about it. Talking was not possible.

“Not now, can we just spend a nice evening together please…” Gun snuggled closer to Off and hid his face in his neck. This was everything Gun needed at the moment.

This and food, which came soon.

Gun didn’t except this evening to be their last. The last where the were allowed to see each other. If he had known that he wouldn’t have stopped after the second round.

Now here he was, at home. The country in lockdown as so many all over the world. Luckily Gun was not totally alone, having Pim and his grandma here, but still this wasn’t very pleasurable. 

He spent most of his time on Instagram, taking selfies and watching series.

_Hey Gun <3 I watched the English movie you sent me and I really loved it! Thank you! I recommended it to a few other people, I hope many see it, because it deserves._

Gun smiled, being happy that Off loved something he did as well, now they could talk about it!! Bad that Off wasn’t actually gay, so he might not be open to thirst over Armie with him…

Gun laughed at himself. This was all very weird somehow.

Well time passed and one day Gun found himself on a website of dog centers and he checked out the small puppies. He didn’t actually plan to have a pet, but suddenly seeing the small white bunch of Maltese puppies, which where sold to a decent price by a breeding company, Gun fell in love.

They were small and cute, just like him.

“Piiiiiim!!!” His sister came into his room and looked at him questioning. “Yes?”

“What would you think if we get a dog?”

Gun grinned and knew that she would say yes.


	61. One step at a time (21) POV Gun

Bibi was the cutest being on earth. Well after himself maybe.

Gun loved his new little fellow and spoiled her in every way possible. This way Gun had mostly good days, playing around, eating nice food his grandma cooked for them and watching series.

But there were bad days too. A lot actually.

Days where he cried in his bed, hugging Bibi so tightly that he was afraid she would suffocate.

Gun wasn’t made to stay at home, he wanted to go out and party or at least meet friends. He needed contact, friends but also physical one. The hugs of his grandma and sister weren’t enough and at some point Gun would have killed for some guy next to him.

Well not any guy. One very specific guy.

He wanted Off to be with him.

They talked quite often over videocalls, but it was nothing compared to a real meeting. Gun knew now that Off was special to him in a way he did never wanted anyone actually, but it was what Off wished for and so it was a good thing, right?

It hit Gun the hardest when he was doing his ‘Live at Lunch’ stream. It was the first time he said certain things out loud and so he had to concentrate not to cry.

“For the past few days, I just stayed at home, took Bi to the vet, stayed home, watched some movies and slept. That’s all I did.”

Gun noticed the loud silence around him and a sudden sadness took over him.

“Talking by myself feels lonely. I’m lonely.”

He shouldn’t be so pessimistic here, his fans where in quarantine as well and this didn’t help to cheer them up. Comments! He should read some of them. Then he cooked and at least that way he could cast away his bad thoughts. Eventually he also showed Bibi to the camera, loving to present her and her cuteness.

Then it was over…finally.

Gun wouldn’t have been able to smile any longer, not when so many thoughts went through his mind. He constantly thought about Off and had to hold back to mention him too much, so in the end he didn’t at all, did he?

Well it didn’t matter anyway. Off was not here and this was the problem, a big one actually. Gun thought about breaking the law and just going to him, maybe he wasn’t stopped by any police and could make it?

His thoughts were interrupted when he received a videocall. _Papii <3_ was standing on the screen and Gun felt relieved as fuck.

“Papii!” Off looked a little tired but smiled when Gun called him.

“Hey Gun! How are you?”

_Lonely, sad, missing you…_

“I’m okay, you?”

“Same, just a little bored as-” Gun suddenly couldn’t hold it back anymore and blurted into the phone: “I want to be with you badly.” Off nodded, seemingly emotional. “Me too.”

Gun wanted to say something, to make clear how much he missed this guy behind the glass. Could he say it? Should he say it?

“I lo-” Gun swallowed and felt his eyes get wet. He couldn’t and changed his sentence: “I want you to meet Bibi soon, she would surely love you…” _…as much as I do._  
Of course Off saw him and his silly reaction, but only nodded and Gun was thankful.

He couldn’t make two steps forward at once. Admitting his feelings to himself was hard enough, but he couldn’t say that out loud yet. Gun hoped he could one day.


	62. The trigger (22) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some more action again :)

As planned his phone rang at 3 pm and Gun jumped onto his bed, being excited to hear his friend again. All contact was very welcome in these days of loneliness.

“Toptap, heyyyyy!”

_“Hi Gun.”_

“How are you?”

_“Goood, let’s say as usual. You?”_

“Also. Bored as usual.” Gun had to chuckle in despair.

_“And did you like it?”_

“How did I like what?”

_“Off’s live stream just now. I didn’t ask for a later time today out of the nowhere.”_

Toptap watched Off’s livestream? Gun was lost for a moment. He himself didn’t watch it, he was part of it when Off called, but he was still sleeping somehow. Was he a bad friend for doing so?

_“…Gun? Hey Gun!”_

Gun returned to reality again and tried to sound normal.

“Yes. Sorry, I was just still sleeping.”

_“Ooohh you really did? I thought this was just a show, that the fans would enjoy you being all cute when sleepy.”_

“No, I didn’t know. I forgot again about the date of Papii’s live stream.”

Gun felt suddenly really bad and couldn’t believe how little Off needed to mean to him if he didn’t think of that. Fuck, he needed to say sorry to Off, who was probably feeling sad that Gun was still sleeping.

_“Oh. Ok, well you can always rewatch it. I tell you, it was sooo funny!”_

“I can imagine. Papii has talent for making the audience laugh, mostly not even doing it on purpose.”

_“I agree!! He is one of the funniest guys I know. And at the same time so earnest and mature.”_

Gun just made some approving sounds, being somehow in his thoughts. He was not sure what he was feeling right now. But he felt guilty that was for sure…

_“…was totally natural, he still looked so hot!”_

Gun returned listening to what Toptap was saying and furrowed his brows.

“You find Papii hot?”

_“Sure, he is a dream guy, don’t you think?”_

Gun didn’t answer anything, his thoughts were racing. He wanted to agree, but something held him back. Was Off a dream guy? Not for Gun, if he was honest, but he felt so incredible much for his on-screen partner that it didn’t matter anymore.

“Emmm yes, I guess?”

_“You guess? Maaaan if I were you I would grab him and never let go.”_

Toptap’s words confused Gun and he spoke without realizing it: “What do you know anyway. You are not close to Papii and don’t know what is going on between us.” Gun heard how harsh he sounded and immediately regretted it, wanting to take back the words.

_“Wow sorry, but what do you know about me and Off? He is not your property, you don’t have the lone right on him. Especially when you treat him like shit I cannot help but wonder. So sorry if I give you a good advice and tell you to finally make things clear to him!”_

Gun swallowed, not really sure what he just heard. Were Toptap and Off close? Did Toptap knew about what happened? And is this actually a joke here?

“Excuse me, but what?! What is happening between me and Papii is our problem, so don’t accuse me here.”

_“Okay I may have been a little harsh, but I don’t take it back…you hurt him and I don’t want people I care for to be hurt.”_

Gun’s anger didn’t fully vanish, but sadness took over him again and guilt hit his face like a burning slap.

“Sorry, I…let’s talk another time.”

And Gun hung up without waiting for an answer. The hand that was clasping the phone pressing it to his ear, was shaking and he struggled putting the device down. He felt tears building up and while he let out a scream, he hit his pillow over and over.

After what felt like hours, Gun calmed down and grabbed his phone. He needed to talk to Off, he couldn’t believe what Toptap said and didn’t like this feeling at all. This feeling that maybe there was more between them, more than he could ever imagined until now. 

It was ringing and Gun prayed that Off would take the call quicker.

_“Hello Gun!”_

Off sounded like a happy bean, but Gun couldn’t help and directly say what couldn’t get out of his mind: “Papii...what is going on between you and Toptap?” 

_“Ummm…nothing, I guess. What do you mean?”_

“He and me had a nice phone call before, but why the fuck did he slobber over you all the time?!”

Gun was loud again and didn’t even bother, he wanted some answers now!

_“How should I know that? We are just friends…”_

“He talked about how funny you are and even said you are handsome. Additionally he watched your live stream today! And me?! I didn’t…Shit…” 

Gun became more silent in the end and felt nauseous. Where did his determination go? Guilt took over him again and he didn’t know up from down. He wanted somebody to hug him now, preferably Off, but wasn’t that guy the problem? This was all a mess and Gun himself was to blame, nobody else. 

“I’ll call you back.” Gun said and hung up. He had to calm down in first place and then think. Rational thoughts and not these emotional outbreaks. But thinking wasn’t his favorite thing, he always acted as he felt and so probably in the end, he would be even more desperate.

Gun needed help. He needed someone to talk to, someone professional who could really help him understand. 

Gun wanted to sort things out.

For Off. Because he loved Off.


	63. Missing (22) POV Tay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am also wondering why I wrote this special kind of thing again LOL

“I saw your live stream.”

Tay felt his cheeks heating up. He considered this so sweet although it was probably clear that Joss would watch him, but still he was flustered.

“And how did you like it?”

Joss smiled through the phone: “You were as cute and hyper as always. You talked and talked and talked, but I couldn’t get enough of you.”

Tay smiled and wanted to disappear in his bedsheets. “Don’t be so cheesy.”

“I’m not, I am honest.”

“Eehh…so what are you up to?”

“Nothing much, trying to do some work out from home but nothing’s like the gym.”

“Yeah I bought a cheap workout bank and haven’t tried it yet.”

Joss smiled at him and was silent. Tay wondered what he was thinking and felt his heart racing. “What?”

“I love you and I miss you lots.”

“Me too.” Tay’s smile disappeared suddenly and he felt so lonely again. The lockdown wasn’t yet long, but it seemed a lot of people were busy or not into calling him. He felt nearly physical pain because of lack of touch these days. And Joss was of course one of the ones he missed the most. His boyfriend at least lived together with a few friends, but Tay was totally alone in his apartment.

“Can’t we meet somehow? Go shopping and meet by chance?”

“That would be cute, but what would we do then. Say hi and keep distance and part way again? I couldn’t hold myself back…” Joss was so right, also Tay would not let him go if they met and that wasn’t allowed anyway. Plus they weren’t outed to the world and then it would be weird anyway.

“You’re right. I just-”

“What is it?”

“I miss you so much…” Tay’s eyes became moist and he put his forehand on the screen, trying to be closer to Joss, although it didn’t help of course.

“Tay…Tay look up. Here we go. I miss you as much, but it’s just this situation and we need to keep going.”

Tay knew that and he wasn’t depressive or anything, but this all was against his nature and it was a struggle: “I will.”

“I know. So and now tell me why you didn’t call me in your live!! I expected it!”

“I thought we would act weird together.” Tay was happy immediately again and glad about the topic change.

“Hmmm, well at least you did well in calling New, you two can’t stop with all interactions now also when you broke up.” Tay furrowed his brows.

“Me and New were never a thing. What?”

“I know! Dork. I mean jobwise. Still your whole couple will not die immediately so stick to it.”

Tay huffed, finding it hilarious that his boyfriend encouraged him to keep pretending to fake dating another guy.

“You are weird.”

“Me? Speak for yourself. If I am something, then I am hot.” 

Tay had to laugh now loudly: “You idiooot!”

“Should I show you?” Joss rose and took off his shirt, stepping back so that his whole body was visible on the screen. “You like this.”

“Of course I do.” 

Joss grinned and Tay felt hot suddenly. “And now?”

“Now I will fully strip for you.”

Tay was shocked. Was this happening? Where would this lead? Joss was now only in his pants, tight grey pants that outlined his cock perfectly. “Joss…”

“Yes?” Joss acted all innocent and stepped closer to the camera, but not with his face but with his lower regions. Tay sat up now fully and checked if he didn’t have any other app open in the background. If somehow some other call would start or his Instagram or whatever!! This was kind of scary…

“Tay? Still alive? Or did my hotness roast your brain.”

“Yes. No! I mean I am still here, just confused…and turned on a little?” Tay noticed his own condition only now.

“Well that was the plan, except you don’t like it.”

“I do…I think I do?”

“I think it will do us both good, especially these days.” Tay thought about it and realized he didn’t really touch himself, being totally not in the mood.

“Yeah!” Tay also tried to fix the phone somewhere as Joss did and took off his shirt.

“Very good, just do as you feel. How about you take off your trainers and I will put on some music.” Tay did, being all naked now and marveled at Joss who moved in his room to the music. It started with a light swaying but soon his hips started moving and Tay wondered how this could be so sexy. He noticed that his dick was half hard now and that only by looking at Joss! How would it be to touch those muscles and being held by him…

“Huuhh, it’s getting hot, right?” Joss grinned and seemed to be happy to have such an effect on Tay. Tay didn’t know if he should do something as well, that was when Joss suddenly had a bottle of massage oil in his hand and slowly applied some on his upper body. Tay got closer to the screen and was thankful for the amazing quality of Line. He could observe the single droplets slowly running down Joss’ abs and into his pants. 

“Fuck!” Tay’s eyes landed on Joss crotch, who was surprisingly hard. Did it turn him on so much dancing for Tay here? Had he some voyeuristic kink? Tay didn’t bother and just said: “Take them off now.”

Joss stopped in his doings and turned the music more silent. “That’s what I was waiting for, took you long enough.” He grinned and did as Tay wanted. Kneeling on the bed now he slowly stepped out of the last piece of cloths and positioned himself in front of the camera. Tay did the same and both somehow fitted their face, upper body and dick in the picture.

“I don’t know about you, but I just want to come now.” Tay licked his lips and noticed he was sweating. He couldn’t agree more with Joss and took initiative: “Ok, so I want you to touch yourself.”

Joss reached out to his belly and wet his hand there in the oil, before reaching down to his cock and starting to jerk off. “Ahh Tay! This is so good!”

Tay didn’t believe what he saw and early choked at his saliva. God, he was thirsting for Joss, he just wanted to touch, kiss, bite and grab him! But he had nothing but himself here and so he reached down as well, not once breaking his eye contact with his boyfriend, while he worked on himself.

It was silent in the room except for Tay’s panting and the moaning coming out of the phone. Suddenly he was glad he lived alone, so he didn’t have to worry someone entering in such a moment.

“Taaay! Tay I want to come!!”

“Do it…” In that very moment Tay suddenly was on the edge and came on the bedsheets. “Fuck! Ahhh…”

“Tay, you look so hot, I want to fuck you, I will fuck you so deep and then come deep inside your tight ass. Ahhh come on…” Tay observed with a hazy mind how Joss was mumbling these dirty things and smiled. As Joss’ movement became even more hectic, Tay recognized Joss would come and he did, spilling as well on the bed.

Where they actually dumb? “Why didn’t we put a towel under? Now I need to do the bed…” 

Joss laughed at Tay. “It was worth it.”

Tay nodded and couldn’t agree more. He totally didn’t expect something like this to happen, but it was so good. “Yes totally!”

“Oh man, I am so hungry.”

“For me?” Tay wasn’t used to himself being so cheeky but liked it. 

“Always for you, but now I meant food. Did you have dinner already?” Tay couldn’t believe how casually Joss was talking now about food, while he cleaned himself and put on some cloths. So Tay actually needed a moment to process it: “No not yet, I will order Chinese.”

“Same!! My roomies are shopping for the week and so they will bring take away.” 

“That’s good.”

Then it was silent, both in their thoughts until Joss broke it.

“Tay?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, never forget this.”

“I won’t.”

But after days and days of not hearing Joss in the lockdown, missing him, crying and overthinking all of it, Tay seemed to have forgotten at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit how dramatic, but you know why I needed to add that last sentence...


	64. Help (22) POV Gun

Gun wanted to sort things out for Off because he loved that guy.

So after hanging up, Gun started thinking. Who was it that he was recently talking to about this psychologist? Mike! Gun remembered that talk he had with him and Godji and how deeply shocked he was that other people seemed to struggle as well. But enough of that, he needed to ask if the guy was good and how these things would work.

_Hi Mike :) Can you send me the number of the psychologist you were talking about last time? He is specialized on relationships right?_

_Hey Gun, of course! He is really good and discrete, I hope he can help you and Off ;) Good luck and greetings from your Mae!_

Gun smiled and with a pounding heart he dialed the number Mike sent.  
“Doctor Fassakul Trapawaporn here, how can I help you?”

“Hello! Here is Atthaphan Punsawat and I received your number from a friend, Mike Chinnarat.”

“Oh yes I know you, you’re Gun right?”

Gun wondered at which point in his life he became so famous that even a doctor knew him. “Yes exactly.”

“How can I help you?”

The talk was intense. Gun found it very weird to talk to a stranger on the phone about something as personal as this. But the doctor had to know the rough problem and Gun understood that. They remained with a date for an online appointment, but already now Gun felt a little reassured.

He checked the time and was totally shocked it was evening already. He was in no state to call Off now, he just hoped that his friend wasn’t too worried.

“Piiiimmm!!” His sister came into his room and saw how stressed he was.

“Ok what are you freaking out about now?”

“Eeiii don’t be so mean. I just talked to a doctor and we will work together on my relationship problems.”

“I’m sorry Gun. That’s really good, I am glad.”

“I just…” Gun stopped, not even sure what he wanted to say.

“I am always here for you and our yai as well, don’t feel alone…also if we are not Papii, we could never replace this one in your heart.”

“You are so right, I love him, you know…”

Pim smiled and petted his head. “I am glad you admit it out loud, this is a good process. Now sleep if you are tired, Off will still be there tomorrow, he can’t run away anyway.”

Gun chuckled about the irony and closed his eyes.

He couldn’t believe that he slept the whole night until now! He had to call Off! Well maybe eat something first and get himself a little ready. He wanted to look good as always, for Off but also for himself.

_I’m sorry! I’m so dumb and childish. I wish we could meet and talk…I will call you soon <3_

Gun started getting nervous, he still had no idea what to say actually but he knew that he wanted to make clear that he and Off could be really dating, if Off still wanted that. Anxiety apart, he pressed the videocall button and hoped Off would take it.

“Hey Gun!” Off said and Gun only waved back, suddenly feeling his throat lump. 

“What is happening Gun?” Gun looked down, not wanting to see Off pitying him and slowly his eyes became wet. Still he started talking, trying to explain himself first of all: “I talked to Toptap yesterday. We do it often…chitchat about things. And then he was sweet-talking about you all the time! I excused myself at some point and I got so angry suddenly. He can’t talk about you like that!” 

“Hey baby it’s fine, I don’t like him, so don’t worry.”

“But I worry!! I am so angry, but I don’t know what to do.”

“You are jealous.”

Gun looked up, still not fully believing that he could be jealous. “But we are not having a relationship Papii.” 

“As it seems we don’t.”

Gun saw that Off was hurt, but he simply nodded. Gun was drifting again and muttered: “I just don’t know. I feel so helpless…” Gun cried now fully and went to get some tissues, where he could collect himself a little.

_Get to the point, before Papii gets sad…_

Gun returned and immediately continued: “I thought about things. About us. I also talked with some people who can help me…”

Gun paused and hugged himself.

“I really want to be with you. Totally, like be together. But it’s hard. But it’s harder to not be with you and so I want to try.”

Off didn’t answer anything yet and so Gun jumped the last hurdle: “I...I love you. I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Really?” 

Gun nodded. “I guess it won’t be much of a difference to what we already do. I mean we are good friends, hang out a lot, have sex…so it’s just that we are exclusive.” These were the words of the nice doctor yesterday and Gun was kind of shocked as he heard it, because it was so very true.

Off nodded enthusiastically and smiled. “This makes me so happy, we belong to each other now.”

Gun’s ears started ringing and he swallowed. He added with a voice with sounded more bitter than he wanted: “No, I belong to myself.” 

“Of course, I didn’t mean it that way! I just-” Off struggled and Gun knew he didn’t mean any bad, just Gun couldn’t help himself.

“You can talk to me.”

Gun nodded, deciding that he will tell Off everything one day, so he smiled reassuringly. “Not now, I want to be with you when we talk, I might need your hug.” 

“I need your hug too. Now actually.” Off smiled sadly and Gun couldn’t agree more.

“I hope the lockdown ends soon.”

“Me too…but they do it for our own safety. Look at Europe, it’s so horrible what’s happening there.” Gun nodded and tried not to think about all the current sad thins. He had to distract himself and a wonderful thing came into his mind: food!

“Can we have dinner together?” 

Off furrowed his brows. “We cannot meet baby.”

“No I mean at home. We both call over our laptop, dress up nicely and eat together.”

“That sounds perfect.” 

Off and Gun smiled to each other and for at least 2 minutes nobody said anything.

“So how about 6? We should order the same kind of food…how about Italian? That’s romantic.” Gun was smiling sheepishly and nearly wanted to hug the screen if only Off would be closer then. “Perfect. So elegant dress code?”

“Okay I will call you.”

“See you Papii!” Gun hung up and didn’t know if the last half an hour was reality or just in his head. He checked the phone calls and saw it there, so it must have been real. He and Off would have a date in a few hours. He and Off were a thing. He told Off that he loved him. 

If Gun managed that, then choosing cloths for later would be an easy thing, wouldn’t it?


	65. Tiktok (22) POV Arm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out Toptap's and Arm's Tiktoks from April 2020 if you want, so you imagine better what I wrote about :)

It’s been a while that Arm received the advices from Singto but he didn’t do much for progressing in that situation. It was all an up and down constantly. First he decided to do something, then to give up totally, but when he thought about Toptap, he simply felt as if he could have a chance. But when they saw each other in the past, reality crashed at Arm and he noticed how distant they were.

And now it seemed that the situation with the lockdown might have an end sooner than expected, Arm was already picturing himself being brave and wanting to talk more to Toptap the next time they saw each other.

“I will…I definitely will.”

Arm just finished lunch and was chilling on the sofa, swiping through Tiktok. He had the app for a while but didn’t yet post anything. But what he really appreciated was that Toptap did: In February he started with two videos with Mike, but now it was April and he was alone at home as everybody was and it seemed Toptap was really getting into this app.

Arm watched again the cute video from April 1st where Toptap used ‘Lazy song’ from Bruno Mars and another Thai song where he showed himself just at home chilling and being the cutest being on earth.

_Today I don't feel like doing anything  
I just wanna lay in my bed_

Then Arm watched the video from yesterday once again (it was the 20th time probably) with the ‘Tra challenge’ and suddenly felt the motivation to try it himself…if it looked nice he could indeed post it and maybe Toptap would notice!

And Arm did. He made a video that was really hot if he was honest, but something was holding him back to post. Could he post the same Tiktok challenge as Toptap did one day before? No better not and especially not as his first post. 

So Arm did another video, not less sexy and used some Justin Bieber song. The app was really amazing and Arm played around with filters and effects. 

Two days later Arm posted another video. It was the ‘Intentions challenge’ and the lyrics fitted so well, if only he could make clear for whom he was dancing…

_Picture perfect, you don't need no filter  
Gorgeous, make 'em drop dead, you're a killer  
Shower you with all my attention  
Yeah, these are my only intentions_

After finishing the video, Arm was kind of emotional. He wanted to scream at Toptap how perfect he was for him and all the hot Tiktoks the guy was doing recently didn’t make it better.

Without thinking Arm posted directly afterwards his own ‘Tra challenge’ video, needing to let the world know he saw it from Toptap.

Arm could melt at the cuteness of Toptap’s dance to the Dua Lipa song and wondered if Toptap chose the song on purpose to convey something, Arm rather hoped not.

_Aren't you the guy who tried to  
Hurt me with the word "goodbye"?  
Though it took some time to survive you  
I'm better on the other side_

Was Toptap in a relationship? Was he even straight or not, considering the song? Did he have someone he liked? Mike?

Arm sighed and swiped ahead in Toptap’s videos, while he saw the endless likes for his own posts incoming. 

Toptap posted two clips on that day, which were not so spectacular but still Arm admired the beauty of that guy and the outfit, wow!!

Two days later Arm was in a good mood and wanted to do a Tiktok again. He found a sound he didn’t know yet (all the sounds he really knew where the ones Toptap used before) and posted such a good video again! He didn’t know he was capable of bringing so many sexy moves and don’t looking like a total fool. To round it up he posted a short cute Tiktok in bed later too, his naked upper body was visible but he really wanted to show off.

Well it didn’t help that Toptap posted a dance to a freaking Korean song by KangDaniel Arm loved to death on that day and made Arm grin on his phone for 10 minutes straight. He replayed it over and over and nearly couldn’t hold himself together.

The following few days went on without any big happenings and Arm spent more time on Tiktok then watching series and that was one of a weird thing.

_You’re so fucking precious when you smile._

Toptap made a video with that sound and Arm wanted to comment so badly, wanted to write how true it was, wanted to ask who Toptap had in mind and especially wanted to do the same Tiktok. But he held himself back. He couldn’t do it without being a little suspicious. Plus he was busy planning some more upcoming live streams of GMMTV actors and so he was glad for some distraction. He was even allowed to drive to GMMTV building now, if it was for work reasons and he used the chance of going out of course!

It happened the following day that Toptap posted a Tiktok that took Arm’s breath away. 

It was ‘Oh na na na’ and Toptap placed the phone lower than usual so that his full body was visible on it. He wore some loose peach colored outfit (Arm loved it, the fabric looked fine and the color fitted Toptap as usual) and some jewelry. Yes, Arm noticed Toptap wearing a sparkling ring recently, but he tried not to focus on it and its possible meanings.

This video didn’t even give him a chance to focus on that one though. There was one thing Arm couldn’t take his eyes off.

Toptap seemed not to wear anything under the thin layer of the trousers.

He started moving his hips lasciviously in the second half of the video, trusted forward and the shape of his dick was very visible every time his hips pushed towards the camera.

“Fuck.”

Arm wetted his lips. Clicked on the replay button and couldn’t close his mouth anymore, his mind blank and replaying again.

He noticed only after the 5th time of watching the video, that he was hard.

This clip was pure sexiness and Arm was abstinent these months, actually since he started fancying Toptap he didn’t do anything sexual with anybody, because he simply didn’t feel like it.

But this now. Shit. He shouldn’t do this. He really shouldn’t jerk off to Toptap’s Tiktok.

He shouldn’t, but he did anyway.

He took off his boxers, only to see that he was already leaking. 

Fuck he was no teenager anymore!

Well better that way, so he dispersed the moist over his cock and started moving his hand, while holding his phone with a dancing Toptap in the other. He was way too close already to consider this normal…how can he be so turned on just by this guy dancing?

“Nngh!” Arm started breathing harder and his hand sped up, his eyes fixated on Toptap’s dick jumping back and forth in his trousers and Arm wanted to feel it, to rub both their cocks together. Toptap wasn’t small considering the bulge and Arm was sure they could have such hot sex together. He wouldn’t mind what Toptap preferred, he would give himself to him, but could also take care of the other one if he wanted that.

At the thought of fucking Toptap and feeling his muscled body beneath him, Arm came hard and couldn’t remember if he ever felt so relieved in a while. His hands were a mess, but luckily nothing dripped on the sofa.

“Fuck. I am so fucked…”

Later that day Off came and somehow said something about having an online dinner with Gun and they were really dating now? That was amazing, but he still felt that these two had a long way to go. But Arm didn’t want to keep Off from his guy and hoped to get the full story soon. Maybe it was also his own turn to talk to his closer friends about his own love problems, especially when he considered that he even jerked off over Toptap now!


	66. Date night (22) POV Gun

“See you Papii!”

Gun struggled choosing an outfit for his and Off’s dinner. He knew it didn’t really matter what he was wearing but he wanted to look good, always and especially for Off.

So in the end he spent 1 hour trying on shirts (he found trousers really quickly because they won’t be visible anyway) and another hour to shower and get ready. Off was definately not making such a big deal about it. Surely, he was chilling in the meantime and not acting as weird as Gun. But maybe he was?

He smiled at the thought of a panicking Off, who also tried to look as good as possible for him and it made him feel warm inside his chest.

Gun was a fool not recognizing this feeling earlier. He was just so blinded by fear, but things needed to change now. Little by little…

Gun checked and saw it was time to order some food, because it would need some time to be delivered. All services were busy because a lot were closed anyway and so the remaining ones where totally overcharged. Luckily Gun normally received food from his granny or sister, but he would survive with his decent cooking skills as well.

Eventually he felt prepared, the food came a little too early but could be easily heated in the microwave as soon as Off would call. 

Then Gun nearly panicked a little as his phone showed 6 pm and no call was coming in.

_Papii might just be late, don’t worry…_

Only a few moments later his laptop in front of him lighted up and Off’s profile picture appeared. So cute!

“Hi Papii!”

Off smiled at him and it looked as if he was stunned by Gun’s appearance. Gun knew he looked good, but such a reaction was even flattering him.

“Hi Gun.”

Gun quickly checked out Off as well and was surprised by his looks. He never really made himself up at home, but this time he looked as if they were about to have a photoshoot. Especially the white shirt whose top buttons where open caught Gun’s interest. And the candlelight made Off’s skin look so good.

“Ohh you look so handsome Papii and I love your mood in your room! The candlelight is so pretty! Wait I get a candle too.” 

Gun disappeared from the table and quickly got a candle from the living room.

“Sooo sweet!” Gun squawked and felt as happy as he wasn’t in a long time.

“It is, you are too. And you look so pretty.” Gun beamed. “Thanks.”

“Shall we eat?”

They did. It was just perfect. The food tasted good and they had a lot of fun talking.

“Let’s put away the things and make us comfortable.”

Gun stood up and put away his plate and fetched a blanket. He came back to the screen before Off and so he saw Off’s full outfit as he came back. Outfit was probably the wrong expression since Off was only wearing boxers!

“Ahhhah Papii you are not wearing trousers!” Gun had to start laughing at this and found it incredibly cute.

“I thought it won’t be necessary, since you would only see the upper part on the screen…” 

“It’s fine! I like when you don’t wear much.” He winked and saw Off getting flustered. “Gun!”

“I’m only teasing you! Don’t always be so timid, we already had sex. A lot actually!”

Off just nodded and smiled. Gun knew his friend was not a person to talk about these things so openly. Maybe he should take it a little further and confront him?

“I miss sex a lot! It’s been 2 months…” Gun tried to put on an intensive look and didn’t even need to try. Just looking at Off and thinking about sex, made him want him so badly and he hoped Off him as well. They could try some things if Off was in for it…

“Yeah…”

“I need some love from yoouuuu.” Gun whined and his pouting face made Off smirk.

“I hope we can meet again soon baby. I miss you too!”

Uuhh Gun hated to admit, but he loved this. When Off said things like that it made Gun feel so special. Special…there was something he had to ask Off!

“Wait! Something comes to my mind now. We will have the special episode of OffGun Fun Night right? When and how shall we plan it?” Gun was so uninformed these days.

“Yeah! As far as I know we get a script and we should adjust it together per videocall and then on the day we will get help for the technical things anyway. I’m glad, I have no idea how to record a videocall to be honest.”

Gun nodded and smiled.

“So what are you doing all day long?” 

“Papii I am so bored most of the time. It seems I watched all series and others I’m just not motivated enough to watch. Also I started cooking more and I made desserts!!” Gun smiled proudly. “Well first they didn’t turn out well but then it was good, I will send you some next time.”

“That’s sweet of you.”

“What else do I do? Hmmm… Normal things as usual, a lot of skincare and workout. I cannot go jogging anymore so I might order a treadmill, I will see. And you?”

So they talked on and on and the next time Gun checked his phone he saw that it was nearly midnight. Wow time passed so quickly!

“Are you tired Gun?”

“A little…but I enjoy our time so much!”

“We can talk again. Every time you want! I love to see you every day.” 

Gun smiled at Off’s words but felt a little overwhelmed by these words. “Well that’s too much, we wouldn’t have anything to talk then. Nothing happens these days anyway.”

One thing Gun hated the most was when he talked to people but had nothing to tell. And now that every day was like the other, there simply was nothing! It could be so frustrating. If they just could be together, they didn’t need to talk so much anyway. Without this lockdown he and Off could do so many amazing things together, that wouldn’t need any words. Cuddle, kiss, fuck…

“I will propose something now…we don’t have to do it of course if you don’t feel like it!” 

Off looked at him with a questioning look and Gun just went for it, knowing from experience that mostly he received positive feedback when he proposed this to other guys.

“Do you want us to try to have sex through phone, like video or calling?”

Off’s eyes widened and he tilted his head. _Oh no, Papii is weirded out…_

“We don’t have to! I just wanted to outlay the option. I know you are really shy concerning sex, but I enjoy it so much. And so I’d rather have you with me than only touching myself.” 

Gun felt his body tingle. Just thinking about it made him excited and Off’s shyness was something he could enjoy as well.

“Wow this was unexpected, and I need time to think. But I would be open to try it, yes.”

“Great! Take your time, I will look forward to it.” Gun grinned and winked then. After some silence he was suddenly hit tiredness and yawned.

“We should sleep now baby.”

Gun agreed happily but before waving goodbye Off added: “Thanks a lot for being with me and trying your best, although it is hard for you…”

“It’s easier than I thought, it’s actually mostly in my head and if I really try hard to switch off the bad thoughts and doubts, then I feel really happy!”

“That’s great! I…I love you so much.” Off smiled one of his cute little smiles and Gun didn’t even have to force himself to reply: “Me too.” He made a round mouth and sent Off a kiss. Off reciprocated the gesture and Gun giggled. “Byeee!”

Then Gun was alone again in his now dark living room. But he was so happy that it didn’t matter, it was so bright inside of him!

He quickly undressed himself and as he was in the bathroom, he saw that he still looked amazing, his makeup looking very cute and he decided to post something. 

He made a short video of him being all sleepy and smiling while snuggling into his pillow. This underlined his innocent cute baby image and for sure made Off miss him even more.

After his skincare and getting ready for bed, he checked out his likes and was more than happy to see ‘Tumcial’ written there as well. Fans noticed as well how quickly Off liked it and Gun couldn’t care less if they found out. Actually he was very tempted to tell the world how much he felt for his on screen partner, but they couldn’t do that. Well not yet, but maybe one day.


	67. The reason it matters (23) POV Arm

Arm really hoped Off would inform him soon about what was going on with Gun. He was so excited for this and needed un update urgently.

As if he had magic powers, it knocked a little later and his best friend was standing there, grinning like a maniac. Arm let him in and made them some coffee.

“You look so happy, now tell me what happened.”

“Okay! Gun called 2 days ago and was pissed…he said something about Toptap making compliments about me. I don’t know what that’s about actually. And then he hung up and seemed to think about things, because the next day he apologized and called again. We talked and then he said he wants it too. To be with me! Arm! He even said he loves me…” Off beamed and nearly couldn’t stay sit. Arm struggled focusing on what Off was saying, the name of a certain someone Off mentioned a few sentences earlier made him unsteady. 

“Then he proposed to have dinner together online and we did. It was quite romantic considering the circumstances. We talked about some things and it was just perfect.”

Arm smiled, somehow indeed feeling happy but also trying to calm himself. “Lucky you! Congrats man!” Off also couldn’t stop smiling.

Trying not to be suspicious Arm added silently: “You said Gun told something about Toptap? What is going on?”

“I really don’t know. Me and him only talked a little after the first times I slept with Gun. He seemed to be able to help me since he is gay. But more-” Arm interrupted Off, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

“What did you say?! Toptap is gay?” Arm might have just misheard, but then Off nodded, causing Arm’s heart to beat even faster if that was possible.

“Well Gun told me and then Toptap too, as we had some talks… Hey, why this face?” Off asked and Arm exhaled. 

“I just didn’t know that…”

He couldn’t think straight anymore, this opened up so many more possibilities. It meant that the chance Toptap could be interested was even higher and also if he wasn’t yet, he would probably not say no to a date!

“You also didn’t know Gun is gay, so don’t worry.”

Arm totally excited, just went on: “But Gun was not so relevant to know, I didn’t know you liked him back then. You talked only to Tay and he told me quite late.”

“And Toptap’s sexuality is relevant because…?” 

Arm swallowed and noticed his mistake. What should he say now? He wanted to share his crush with someone anyway, so why not Off… “He is very cute, okay?”

Off’s eyes widened. “Noooo way! You too? What is going on with all of us…” 

Why did this sound so serious suddenly? Arm didn’t want Off to assume wrong things, it didn’t seem he liked Toptap the way Off loved Gun. Well at least not yet.

“I’m not in love with Toptap or anything, I just admire his acting and especially dancing a lot and he is so sweet.” 

“Pfff…I see your smile, you like him.” Off punched Arm friendly and he felt his cheeks flush. Off’s smile made Arm happy, Off didn’t react negative or questioned how it could be Toptap of all people that attracted Arm’s attention. But the small trace of happiness was quickly pushed away by Arm’s ratio. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he doesn’t like me or even spends time with me and these days anyway things are impossible…maybe I can talk to him when things go back to normal again.”

Off nodded and seemed overcharged as well. Arm couldn’t blame him. How should one get closer to someone who isn’t even a friend? 

“By the way, will me and Gun get some help while shooting the Fun Night special next week?” Off changed topic and Arm was somehow glad.

“Yeah, I will come to you and Godji is at Gun’s place.”

“Why can she go to him and me not?”

“She has special papers for work reasons…it’s still risky. They will keep distance.”

Off stayed a little longer, so that in the end Arm invited him to stay for lunch and cooked risotto. After an endless number of compliments for the food and some rounds of videogames, Off left and Arm felt very relieved. Finally, he told a closer friend about his crush and received no bad feedback, it was indeed reassuring that he was no total fool.

The following days passed quick. Arm did a Tiktok again as a reaction to Toptap doing a Tiktok as well. Arm was a fool, a total lovesick fool. He was freaking 28 years old and acting like a teenager!

He couldn’t await OffGun’s livestream today, making him think about other things than a cute guy who danced on his rooftop. The special episode was planned, both Off and Gun knew what to do and Arm was ready to explain Off the details. 

The show was so funny and at the joke with ‘getting hard’ Arm couldn’t hold back and laughed out loud. They would need to remove it afterwards, but this was just too hilarious!  
“God job guys!” Arm waved at Gun through the camera and took the device from Off. “Your job is done, me and Godji’s starts. So if there’s nothing else I will leave.”

Off waved goodbye and Arm saw that he was already typing a message to Gun.

It made him so happy, that these two found each other! While walking he wondered how his other bestie and his boyfriend were doing. He didn’t hear of Tay in a while and noticed Joss being closer and closer with Luke. Was everything fine between these two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am having some troubles with the timeline in the upcoming chapters, so I have to set some happenings differently than they happened in reality. I thought the lockdown was longer in Thailand but while doing more detailed research now I found that the opening was already beginning of April...wtf. Well let's just ignore facts now and enjoy! :)


	68. Problems (23) POV Tay

It was middle of April when Tay noticed that he didn’t hear Joss for two full days. Joss didn’t text him and so Tay also somehow forgot. Ouch that sounded sad, but he really didn’t think of his boyfriend, being busy with tidying up his apartment. After he watched his own live streams, he saw what a mess he had and decided to do something. It wasn’t easy but at least he had more space to walk now, having put a lot of things in a wardrobe.

He was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post by Joss. He was wearing jogging trousers, a red jacket, zipped open and not wearing a shirt under it. Tay exhaled and looked at the caption ‘It’s Sunday so we gotta have red <3’. This was very cute, and Tay was sure Joss thought about him. Did he?

Should Tay comment something? No better not. So he sent the post to Joss and commented in his direct messages.

_Very handsome <3_

Tay waited and hoped for Joss to answer quickly, but he didn’t. Probably he wasn’t online, so Tay opened Line and texted Joss there as well.

_Wanna call today? <3_

The hours passed and he got no answer, Joss didn’t even see the message which was both reassuring but also worrisome. If he’d seen and didn’t answer Tay, it would have been weird but also the fact that he didn’t look at his phone was not normal.

Tay remembered the time, when they texted daily right after the lockdown started, besides they also saw each other on a nearly daily basis before.

But now things got harder. It’s not as if Tay didn’t want to have contact, it’s just that he worried to bother Joss too much. His boyfriend did sports at home for some hours a day and with his roommates he often did some activity together, like playing games. Tay was bored but it didn’t mean Joss was as well.

Only at around 9 p.m. Tay heard his phone ringing and saw Joss on the screen.

“Hey Tay!” Tay smiled and was glad but couldn’t help to wonder.

“Hi to you too.”

“I just saw your message, sorry for not answering earlier. Me and Luke did a tournament and it turned out to be longer than expected.”

“What kind?”

“Mixture of videogames and sports. It was so much fun!”

Tay had to smile at Joss’ broad grin and was happy to see him happy. “That’s great. I missed you and saw your hot Instagram post and it made me miss you more…”

“Ohooo that’s cute, I miss you too.”

Tay wanted to start talking about his funny experience yesterday with the delivery service, but then he heard someone screaming in the background of Joss: “Joooss! The food is here!”

“Coming soon!” He screamed back and turned towards Tay again: “I have to eat now, can we talk more tomorrow?”

“Sure…no problem! Just call me when you have time, I am always available.”

Joss waved him a kiss goodbye and Tay somehow just smiled, not returning the gesture, feeling a little shy, but then the screen was black and he wished he had done it.

The following day, Tay waited for a call but never received one. He saw that in the meantime Joss double tapped his answer to his post from yesterday, but not more.

Tay felt again an incredible hate towards this virus. Actually it didn’t bother him personally, because he still had his job and got paid and being alone wasn’t so problematic for him either. But being in a relationship and that not even for long and being faced with something like this, made him want to cry again.

It wasn’t enough that he already cried yesterday already after the phone call, no also now he was on the edge again. He just wanted to be held by somebody and preferable Joss!

“Fuck…” Tay wiped his face and went to bed again. It was only lunch time, but he felt really tired. Later that day, he texted a little bit with Arm who informed him that Off and Gun will shoot their OffGun Fun Night special tomorrow and that he was already afraid to third wheel. Not really in his best shape of mind, Tay didn’t ask how things were going between his two friends, although Arm might have been the best information source. He was way too much into thinking about Joss and what all of this meant and also considering talking to Arm. But maybe this was nothing to worry about and Tay just had no idea what a normal relationship consisted off and especially in this circumstances.

“Hey, could you make a post today, with your ‘Homless’ pullover? The boss told me to advertise them more these days and I need some other popular guys to help me.”

Tay nodded and after they said goodbye, he immediately changed, got himself a little ready and took a cute picture in his bathroom. He didn’t really smile, his mood didn’t allow it, but the picture looked so good overall, the colors of the room and the towel fitting perfectly.

Next step was the caption. He shouldn’t write something about the pullover but make it look as if he wore it naturally. He wanted to write something in English, Joss did that all the time as well.

_Care for me_

Tay eyed the caption and wasn’t sure if this was okay. The fans would ask themselves who he meant or speculate again that he meant New.

New…

Tay didn’t hear his friend recently as well and he hated to admit but he missed him. Especially since Joss wasn’t there anymore to distract him and before Joss, New was the closest to him, when one doesn’t count Off and Arm who where a different kind of friend, rather family.

Well it didn’t matter now, he had to write something and since fans would interpret anything he wrote, he could actually go fully in.

_Care for my heart._

He posted and hoped Joss would see and finally call. They texted goodnight yesterday and Tay received a lot of heart emojis but that wasn’t what he wanted actually.

Joss didn’t comment of course, but he didn’t like it either. What was going on?

Tay was near to a breakdown. Another week passed and he and Joss just texted two times and called once. And it was always Tay who started it. Did Joss not notice how much more of this Tay needed? Did Tay have to say it to Joss directly: _‘Hey since we are a couple don’t you feel the urge to see me more as well?’_ Tay didn’t want to beg, he was too proud for this and if Joss’ feelings changed he couldn’t do anything against it.

The day Joss posted a picture of him after workout on his rooftop and New commented ‘Hot damn’ under it, Tay cried like shit. The picture made him realize how beautiful Joss was and how much he loved him. New’s comment made him realize how much he missed his buddy. And this both together made him jealous in a way he never was when Joss spent time with Luke.

His only light right now was that people could meet for work reasons now and he would be going to Arm’s apartment tomorrow. Tay was never in his life so happy to meet someone. These last weeks were so lonely and he couldn’t help but cry even more if that was possible. This time it was caused by hope though, maybe he could see Joss soon and things would turn out alright in the end?


	69. Horny (23) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for today, so make sure you didn't miss the previous chapter ;)

“No panic attacks these last weeks then?”

“No nothing at all. I felt a little weird a few times, but nothing I couldn’t handle.” Gun smiled into his laptop at Doctor Fassakul and was at a point that he enjoyed their meetings. It was the fourth time actually and they planned five in total if things didn’t worsen.

“That’s good. Seems as if your relationship works out well in this online way. We need to see how you will react when you and Mr. Jumpol will meet again and how your daily life together will work out.”

Gun nodded, trying not to imagine the day he could meet Off again, because it made him happy and the fact he was not able to see him person made him all the more sad. “I hope I can see him soon. What do you think doctor, will the situation get better?”

“Everybody is sticking to the rules very dutifully so I guess the slow opening will start in a few weeks, even earlier for some people if they have a more necessary reason to go out or meet people.”

They small talked some more before ending the meeting. Gun was happy and opened Line TV immediately. He had to go on with ‘3 Will Be Free’! He started yesterday, not believing he didn’t watch it yet and was impressed by it until now.

He had four episodes left and binged them in one go.

“Oh my God…” Gun closed his laptop, wiped his tears and tried to recall all that happened. Tay, Joss and Mild ending all up together and Gunsmile being killed! Then there was Toptap who was brokenhearted in the end and all the dead people! Gun didn’t like sad things, so he tried to ignore it and rather thought back at the hot scenes. And damn they were hot! Joss was a snack anyway, totally Gun’s type and along with Tay, who was also very handsome this turned him on a little bit. Then there was Mild…Gun had nothing against her, but he was jealous, he couldn’t deny that. She and Off were cute together and that bothered him.

But enough of that. He should call Off now!

They started talking about the series and suddenly Gun was brave starting to dig into Off’s sexuality. He was just very curious and the timing was a good one.

“Don’t you think Tay is hot? Or Joss? Or any other guy?”

Gun saw Off thinking and was pleased Off took it seriously, considering it indeed. 

“No I don’t think so.”

“But you find me hot?” Gun genuinely asked not having any hidden agenda at first, but the way Off answered “Yes a lot.”, made Gun shiver and he bid his tongue. Off said he was okay with trying this kind of thing one day. And today seemed a good day, since Gun had a slight arousal in his belly since he watched the series, so he could try it.

“I like that, say it again.”

“I think you’re hot.”

“You are hot too Papii, you make me feel really horny already.”

Off’s eyes widened suddenly and he started fidgeting with his shirt. “Papii just stay natural, don’t think too much. I can guide us, only if you still want to do it of course.” Gun could never force Off or beg him, he wasn’t so desperate either.

“Okay…” Gun smirked at Off’s reply and went on, exaggerating a little bit, to turn Off on: “So as I said I am so hot for you already, I nearly couldn’t finish the series, when I thought about you and what we might do afterwards.” 

“I’m also excited.” Gun was glad, very glad!

“I like that, Papii is so good! Now how about you take off your shirt?” Gun did this kind of staff already a few times but had to adjust himself to be the lead in this, seeing Off was totally helpless. “Where should I put it?”

“Could you place it somewhere with a good view…maybe on the nightstand as I did. Great…I like what I see. You want that I take off my shirt too?”

“Yes please.”

Off even said please! So cute… Gun sat up and intentionally presented his crotch area to Off, then he took off his shirt lasciviously and lay on his belly again. Now his back area and ass were clearly visible, Gun bent himself even more to look hotter and could read in Off’s expression all the things he wanted to do.

“I know you want to touch it, I would love to feel your strong hands there.” 

Off looked down at himself and Gun bit his lips. “Hhhhnn I see you like it. Take them off.” Off did and Gun sat up again about to take his shorts off too. He was aware that one could see the outlines of his cock because he became surprisingly quickly hard.

“I love your body.” 

“Thanks, I love yours too.” Gun came a little closer to the camera, then he slowly pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them.

“Now what would you love to do with me if you were here with me?”

“Kiss you…” Gun thought about how much he would love to do that as well. Fuck he couldn’t get sentimental now as he was leading this session.

“Then imagine it. Think about how much you love to suck my full lips and how our tongues dance.”

Gun licked his lips and gazed intensely into Off’s eyes. Automatically Off also wetted his lips and Gun wondered if his friend knew how freaking hot he actually was. “Okay, yeah I love kissing you and nibbling at your bottom lip.”

“Touch yourself.” Gun then said and Off did. “Imagine it was my hand stroking you…” Off closed his eyes again and also Gun stoked over himself a few times. Then he grabbed the lube from his bedside table and started working on himself more intensely.

“I want to fuck you so badly…” Off moaned and made Gun gasp: “I love when you talk dirty Papii. I also would love to be fucked by you.” Off didn’t reply anything, staring at Gun through the screen so Gun continued: “I will finger myself now and imagining it was you making me feel so good.”

Gun entered at first one finger, but that was nothing for him and he rather added one. Gun knew his body by heart and within seconds found his prostate. He started panting and kept observing Off, who was literally drooling at this point and stroking himself more frantically. 

Gun fucked himself on his now three fingers and then he heard a silent moan and his name coming from the screen. He then saw Off came and it made him stop for a moment, to enjoy a post orgasmic Off.

With this imagine in his mind, Gun shortly closed his eyes and continued his doing until he was close, he wanted to check if Off was still there or if he liked what he saw. So Gun looked up and what he saw made him cringe a little.

Off had lubed fingers near his ass, obviously checking out the feeling of it. Gun continued his own doing but had to chuckle suddenly. “I’m still here, you know.” 

If Off was really that curious they could really try this one day. Gun had dildos and would enjoy pleasuring Off on this way. But not today and not over the phone. And especially not when Gun was so close to climax and was distracted by Off’s doing.

“We can try that another time Papii, now I want you to tell me, how hard you fuck me please, I want to come so badly.”

“You feel so good Gun, you are so tight around me.” Gun’s imagination ran wild and was happy how quick Off learned to say these things.

“Yesss Papii, I love when you take me hard. Ahhh…”

“Come for me…” And Gun did, moaning his lover’s name. “Papii…”

Gun was freaking sweaty, but he recovered soon and wiped his traces away. Then he took his phone in his hands again and smiled at Off.

“This was so good…” His face was feeling so hot and some sweat was glittering on his forehead. He had to clean himself quickly before it affected his skin.

“It was.” Off also smiled and Gun felt relieved.

“We can do it again if you want, who knows when we can meet again.” Gun sounded a little sad and fell in his cute self again.

“Yeah we will see. I hope we can meet soon!”

They made themselves ready for bed still video calling. Finally they lay under their blankets and as the conversation went silent, Gun was hit by a strong tiredness and noticed only bubbling came out of his mouth. The next moment he drifted into sleep dreaming of the day he could hug Off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that this is chapter number 69 and it's about sex ;)


	70. 91s united (23) POV Tay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This feels kind of unnecessary, but why not :)

Tay knocked at his best friend’s door, being all nervous and happy. Meeting people again!!

“Taaaawaaan!” Arm came closer and Tay immediately fell into his arms. Fuck when was the last time he received a hug?

“Hi Arm!”

“You are early, I am still in the making of the cake, but please join me. Want something to drink?”

Tay nodded and followed Arm, asking casually: “So how is it?”

“Alright I would say…I am so glad things start to open slowly again. And I am surprisingly busy with your fan meet.”

“Me too. I only realized yesterday that me and New will need to start practicing intensively soon, less than a month left.”

Then it was silent, while Arm was pouring the dough in the form. Tay felt the urge to talk about Joss but couldn’t start the topic without crying immediately. Then Arm was talking again anyway.

“You know, this virus is a shit. I miss the old days.”

“You don’t have to tell me…So lonely…” Arm came to him again and hugged him, gently rubbing his back and then whispering: “Can I ask you for advice?”

Tay furrowed his brows but nodded. “Of course, always.”

“How should I approach someone I like when the someone isn’t even close to me?”

“Wooahh where does this come from?” Tay smiled though, noticing Arm’s insecurity. “Well I would say, just spent time with the person.”

“Not so easy these days.” Arm huffed and put his hands over his face, sighing.

“So I guess it’s not me or Off, since you spend a lot time with us.”

“Of course not!” They giggled. “By the way, we should text Off to come over as well. He loves my chocolate cake.”

_We all love it._ Tay couldn’t wait to eat it honestly.

In that moment it knocked and Tay went to open. “Off! We were about to call you over, come in.”

Tay hugged him and didn’t want to stop actually. He was thirsty for hugs and one from Off was so rare… Off had a questioning look on his face and so Tay pulled him in the kitchen. “Hey man!”

“Okay, what is going on? How can you be here?” 

Tay wondered and realized Off must not have yet heard the news. “They untightened the restrictions for going out if you have a valid reason, and I have to come here to meet Arm for work. We need to talk about things for the live fan meet.”

“So could I meet Gun?? Am I allowed?”

“Hmm…you should write to Godji and ask her to write you a form, in case the police stops you.”

Off turned around and left his friends dumfounded. Tay was clueless, why Off was so eager to meet Gun. Where they okay again? Wasn’t their relation a little ruffled since Off confessed his feelings?

“Tay did Off even informed you how things developed?”

“Noooo, what happened?” Arm indicated Tay to sit down and started setting the table.

“So as far as I know they are dating now. Like really having a relationship.”

“No way!! That is so amazing!” Tay squealed and was genuinely happy for them. “You know any details?”

Before Arm could answer, Off returned: “I’m back, sorry but my excitement took over.”

“I see, well Arm told me what happened, why didn’t you tell me!? Maaaan, I am your number one shipper and you didn’t even tell me you are together now.” Tay tried to look pissed but failed.

“Sorry…somehow in this time I had no muse to call anyone. I was busy with Gun and came here to Arm’s every now and then. Arm told you now?”

Tay nodded and smiled. “Congrats man!”

After everyone got their piece of cake and some coffee the small talk went on, but then Arm asked something that made Tay’s throat close and he couldn’t swallow the cake anymore.

“What I wanted to ask you, how are you and Joss doing? With the separation and all…”

Tay looked down, trying to hold himself together but suddenly a tear found its way down on the floor.

“Tay? Heyy…” Both Off and Arm came closer and made him look up. Tay didn’t want to, but he had to say something right? He answered with a throaty voice. “We didn’t talk that much these weeks…I don’t know. The situation is indeed hard, but I hoped we at least tried to keep things going. I want this to work…I love him.” Then Tay sobbed and fell into Off’s arms. Tay hoped he didn’t bother Off, but he was the closest in that moment and all Tay wanted to do was hide.

“Did you tell Joss that you miss him? That you want to have more contact also only per video?” Tay shook his head, confused if he did or not and Arm continued. “Maybe he is as sad as you and this is all just a misunderstanding. Call him later, please.” Off let Tay go and he nodded, knowing that soon he could see Joss anyway and work things out.

“Sorry, I overreacted. Sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry. Remember how often I cried because of Gun, we are here for you!”

The three made themselves a nice afternoon and not Gun nor Joss nor Arm’s love interest, who was still unknown to Tay, were mentioned, to keep all kinds of sad feelings away.


	71. Reunion (24) POV Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is slowly about to be finished. Thank God. :)

After the call from Off, Gun couldn’t hold himself together. He jumped and ran through the house, totally confusing his sister.

“What is happening??”

“Papii is allowed to come here!! He will come!”

“That’s cute, tell me when, so that I can turn on loud music.” First he wanted to be bad at his sister at this comment, when he realized that she was right. She knew him too well.

“Lol, well anyway, I need to clean up everything!! See you later!”

On the day, Gun was not able to wait in his room anymore and went in front of the house to look out for Off’s car. Only shortly too late (Off was always too late, so Gun expected it already), Gun saw Off’s car and his heart started beating faster.

Unexpectedly Off started running as soon as he hoped out of the car.

Then Off was there in front of him. Gun three little steps above him, because the house was a little elevated. Gun smiled widely and after a second of unsureness he jumped in Off’s arms. He indeed jumped. Off luckily was ready and looped his arms around Gun’s legs and held him tightly. Gun hugged him and put his hands in his neck.

“Gun.” Off whispered.

“Papii…” Gun wanted to sneak even more into Off, noticing how much he missed the older one.

“Can I put you down?” Gun noticed he must have been too heavy for being carried by Off so long. He obeyed and stepped to the ground again. But immediately he hugged Off again not wanting to let this guy go ever again. “Let’s go inside okay?”

Gun took Off’s hand and pulled him inside. He didn’t stop as the door closed but lead them to the sofa. Then he pushed a surprised Off on the couch and climbed on his lap. He wanted to be closer, just closer to the person he needed the most right now, so he fell into his arms.

“I missed you so much Papii…you can’t imagine how much.” 

Off started stroking his back and Gun felt so happy. “I know. Because I missed you as much…” 

After a while Off gently took Gun’s head in his hands and pulled him up. Gun was surprised and wanted to say something, but Off stopped him with a short kiss. Gun was not sure if they should do this, before making the things clear again, but Off leaned in again. This time they kissed deeper. Off really seemed to be starving for that kiss and so Gun wouldn’t complain as well. He scooted closer and opened his mouth for Off.

Gun noticed where this would lead and placed his hands on Off’s, who started running over Gun’s naked back under the shirt.

“Wait. Shouldn’t we talk first?”

“About what?”

“Us! I mean-” Gun was really unsure. “We are…shouldn’t we talk first?”

“It’s okay baby, but we already talked on the phone a lot. Is there still something you are unsure of?”

Off gently caressed Gun’s cheek and Gun couldn’t push away his doubts: “I have no idea how this will work. I’m afraid to do something wrong…it was easy when we were apart, but now I don’t know how much touching or closeness is right. I don’t know how to behave being someone’s boyfriend…” Gun didn’t spend any thoughts on this before but now this came crashing down on him. How would this work now? If they had immediately sex now, wouldn’t that be the same thing as before?

“Don’t worry too much. Just act natural. You said you love me, so just do as you feel. I do it that way too.” Off leaned in and gently brought their lips together again. Then he continued: “It’s no difference to what we did before. We just love each other even more and can spend more time together. But only as much as you want. Tell me when something gets too much and also I will tell if I don’t feel good with something.”

Off’s words were so reassuring and made Gun smile. 

_Stop thinking, Gun…you are so lucky with this guy…_

“I love you a lot Papii!” And he fell into Off’s chest.

“I love you too, so much…” And Off hugged back making Gun really sentimental. 

After a while Gun reconsidered Off’s words and decided to make clear what he wanted. “So I should act as I feel, right?” Off nodded and smiled, then Gun continued with a smug grin. “Okay so I want you to go in the bedroom and wait for me there.” 

The idea came Gun really spontaneously. He wanted to please Off, who obviously was also in the mood for sex right now.

As soon as Off was gone, Gun hurried to the bathroom and opened his box with toys. He had to rummage in it, since his smaller dildos where at the bottom of course, since he was not using them that often. He spotted the pink one, his bestie gifted him 4 years ago and grabbed it.

Somehow Gun was nervous. Not because the topic was embarrassing to him, but rather because he didn’t want that Off felt obligated to do something he didn’t like. Gun honestly couldn’t see Off bottoming, but he won’t ever deny him the fun.

“What was this about?” Off asked friendly but a little curious as Gun came back.

“I have something for you…but only if you want to!” And Gun showed to Off what he had in his hand.

Off looked shocked and swallowed visibly.

“Papii, we don’t have to do it. You just seemed interested and I wanted to make you happy today.”

“Thanks for your concern and you are right, I somehow was curious. Also Tay told me he liked it a lot and so I thought it must have something, also seeing your reaction when we do it…” Off was blubbering, which was an clear sign, he was not comfortable and so Gun put away the toy and came closer to stop him.

“Hey it’s fine. Just tell me if you want to do it and we can try a little bit. If you’re not into it then we don’t. I like things as they are.” He sat himself on Off’s lap and kissed him gently. Off kissed back and Gun felt his boyfriend relax in his arms.

“I want to try it someday…not tonight okay?” Gun nodded and smiled. “Okay.” Then Gun kissed him again and demandingly slid his tongue into Off’s mouth. Off was fighting back against Gun’s dominance and as soon as he got back the control, he bit Gun’s lower lip and sucked.

Gun liked it so freaking much, so he came closer to Off and their dicks touched. Gun started rubbing against Off and it felt so good already through their trousers.

“I missed this so much…” Off panted and Gun just nodded, then he attacked Off’s neck. He kissed his artery and felt his pulse racing. Then he started sucking and meanwhile roaming Off’s body. At some point Off just lay back on the bed and Gun followed him.

They both started undressing each other, kissing and touching, until they lay naked next to each other, looking into their eyes. Both were so aroused and just wanted to finish this, but Gun looked at Off a little longer enjoying the view. Off reached out and grabbed around Gun to pull him as close as possible. Their legs intertwined and they started moving.

“Wait, this is not enough.” Gun moaned and released Off’s arms around him. Then he turned around so that Off could see his back. As Off didn’t do anything, Gun turned his head a little and said: “Come on, fuck me.”

Off still needed instructions after all, but Gun found it kind of adorable.

Eventually Off scooted closer and hugged Gun from behind. He placed one of his legs between Gun’s and positioned himself at Gun’s entrance. 

“Wait. It will hurt without preparation and lube.” 

Gun couldn’t care less right now, having done it that way already and a little pain was never so bad. “No it’s okay, just do it.” 

Off did and Gun relaxed, but suddenly Off backed off. 

“Wait a second baby, I’ll just get the lube.” Off was leaving and it made Gun feel his chest clench, so he took hold of Off’s hand and didn’t want to let go. “No stay with me…”

_Don’t leave me, please…_

“I’ll be back in 2 seconds, it’s just on the table.” Gun let go, but didn’t move one millimeter, not able to look after Off going away. Gun’s ration knew Off was just getting the lube and would be here in a few seconds, but in such a vulnerable moment even this felt too much. 

“I’m back, don’t worry. It will be better this way…” He hugged Gun again and he felt better immediately.

Off moistened his dick and Gun’s hole. Again he positioned himself and this time things went really smoothly.

“Ahhh!” Gun moaned and Off was obviously holding himself back. “Is it okay?” Gun nodded and placed his hands on Off’s on his chest.

Then Off started moving slowly. Both he and Gun moaned as he hit the right spot. Off placed little kisses on Gun’s neck every now and then and sucked too.

“This is…so good!” Gun was barely able to speak. He moved now too a little meeting Off’s thrusts. It was just amazing. “I will come soon baby.” Gun nodded and noticed in his cloudy mind that Off was about to pull out.

“Don’t- I want you to come inside m-” Off sped up, obviously wanting to make Gun come and he was indeed close.

Off played with Gun’s nipples and knew how sensitive he was there. He was also biting Gun’s shoulder and he was totally over sensible at some point with all this stimulation. As soon as Off reached down to stroke Gun’s cock, it was over and Gun came and spilled on the mattress. Still on his high, Gun didn’t really notice how Off fucked him a few more times and then came deep inside.

“Hhnn...” Gun groaned at the sensation and heard Off breathing hard. “Gun…baby?” 

“Hmmm Papii?” Talking was still tiring and Gun suddenly felt tired.

“Are you okay? Wait let me-” and cautiously Off pulled out. Gun turned around after collecting himself and smiled at Off. 

“I am more than okay. I loved it.” He kissed Off lazily.

“I loved it too.” Gun came closer and snuggled into Off’s chest. After a while Gun noticed the known feeling of drying cum and stood up. Off looked up, wondering. “I need to clean myself, I’ll be back soon. You can already sleep if you want.” Gun gave him a last kiss and left to the bathroom. He cleaned himself thoroughly and quickly showered before bringing a moist towel for Off as well.

As Gun returned he saw Off asleep on his back, still naked and looking like a big baby.

Gun came closer and wiped Off’s sweaty body, trying not to wake him.

“So adorable…”

Then Gun lay down as well, put the blanket over them and was so looking forward this new kind of relationship he and Off were starting.


	72. Cake and cuts (24) POV Arm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry I didn't post in so long, but I was at home the last days and I just don't manage to find privacy there to write aything. Also this story gets so deep again, that I can't keep my chapters short :')
> 
> Again a chapter with many real references. Check out the posts if you want :D

“Hey man!” Off came towards Arm in GMMTV building after he seemed to have finished today’s rehearsal or the OffGun fan meet. Arm smiled and hit Off’s arm friendly.

“What’s up?”

“So I want to invite you to my apartment tonight.” Arm saw how Off smiled and so he wondered about his intentions.

“Emm, okay? Is there something special?”

“I need you to promise me to come first. Then I’ll tell you.”

Arm furrowed his brows even more but nodded. “Of course I’ll come.”

“Very good! I invited Toptap over-”

“You- what?!”

“Well I met him and since he couldn’t really celebrate his birthday last week thoroughly, I invited him today for a drink and some snacks. All under the ‘working cover’.”

Arm covered his face with his hands and sighed.

“Okay nice. And how did you expected this to go? Us three having a nice time and chilling? Off! I can’t even think properly when he is around, how will I act when we are nearly on our own?”

“Man this will all be fine, I am still there with you.”

Arm was glad he still had work to do until late afternoon, so he didn’t think of this evening so much. But then time passed so quickly. He arrived home, ate some dinner and took a shower then. He swore himself that he wouldn’t make himself up a lot for this. It was just a friends-night and what was the need to make himself pretty anyway? It wasn’t as if Toptap would even look at him as something more than a friend…

Nonetheless he couldn’t stop himself from looking stunning after half an hour.

“Perfect.” He whispered, sounding a little desperate, but also happy if this was even possible with his racing heart.

A few minutes after 9, he knocked at Off’s door.

“Come in!” Off screamed from inside and Arm got himself ready to face Toptap in case the younger one was already here.

Arm closed the door behind him and crossed the living room, only to see Off and Toptap having a deep conversation already in the kitchen. They really looked surprisingly earnest, but Arm didn’t think about it long, enjoying seeing this incredibly handsome guy again.

Toptap was wearing a green and yellow shirt and had his hair down, which was cut in the meantime compared to the longer one he had in lockdown.

“Hello.” Arm raised his hand, waved and immediately felt stupid. The other two stopped talking and Off put a hand on Toptap’s shoulder for a moment. As if he said ‘it’s okay, let’s leave it that way’.

What was this? Arm was pulled out of his thought as Toptap stood up and went towards him. “Hey Arm.”

Then Toptap was in his arms, hugging him shortly and all of Arm’s braincells seemed to shortcut. He breathed harder and his heart was rushing. Then it was over and Toptap smiled at him, with this cute expression he always had in his face.

Arm couldn’t act so weird and remembered why he was here in first place. “Happy belated birthday!” Arm managed to smile and thought about hugging Toptap once again.  
But then Off came towards them. “Enough of the staring, let’s make ourselves comfortable!”

Off pulled them towards the sofa and placed them next to each other. Then he shoved Arm even closer towards Toptap to fit as well. Arm knew Off was doing it on purpose, but he enjoyed it somehow. If he would only act a little less weird…

“Soooo Toptap, how did you celebrate your birthday?”

“Not much, it was all juts changing then, but a few days later I met Gunsmile and some other close friends in GMMTV and we had some cake.”

Arm felt a certain pressure on his chest as Toptap mentioned ‘close’ friends and he obviously was not part of them.

“That’s nice. Well I would have made a bigger party for you today, but rules are rules and we are lucky that this guy here lives in the same building.”

“Hmph so I was just invited because I live here, I see.” Arm acted mad but was only joking. Off knew, but Toptap didn’t.

“No! Don’t think that. I am very happy you are here.”

Arm turned to look into Toptap’s eyes for the first time on the couch now and realized how close they were.

Their thighs and arms were touching anyway and when looking at each other there wasn’t more than some centimeters between them.

Suddenly Toptap looked away and took a bottle from the table. “So let’s cheers!”

Arm took one as well, being a little absent minded, but after a while the three of them started talking and laughing. The uncomfortable nervousness he felt when Toptap was near slowly turned into a pleasant delight and Arm couldn’t stop smiling all evening.

(Arm was only once really confused that evening. He simply asked where Gun was and why the little one didn’t come. Toptap was all silent then and Off reacted with panic, telling Arm Gun didn’t know anything about today. Arm nodded, not digging further, not wanting to cause any relationship drama.) 

Well, it was past midnight, when another thing happened.

Arm was a little drunk now, as all of them, and decided to cut another piece of cake. He still couldn’t believe Off bought one. This was weird but Arm’s drunk mind couldn’t catch any thought now and he rather scoffed another piece of sweet cake.

“Fuck!” Arm had the knife in the cake and the next moment he felt it in his finger. Blood was quickly running over the hurt area and he ran towards the bin. The water burned like hell and Arm had to pull himself together not to vomit of pain and blood and alcohol.

“Arm?” Toptap entered and came towards him. “Ouu shit! Wait there is still blood coming, we need to press something on it.”

Arm let Toptap do. He turned off the water and pulled Arm’s hand away, holding him carefully at his wrists. Then he took some tissues and dried him first, before pressing one on the wound. 

Arm just stared at the other guy, who suddenly seemed really sober compared to a few minutes earlier where they couldn’t stop laughing about a ‘Water Boyy’ memory.

“I will hold it, okay? You seem a little pale. You okay?” Arm nodded and wanted to hide into Toptap’s shoulder. He felt so weak suddenly and needed comfort.

“I’ll get you some water, one moment.”

Arm didn’t want Toptap to lose the grip on his hand, but he was gone.

Although it was only a few seconds, Arm wanted to cry and barely managed to conceal his wet eyes as Toptap handed him a glass water.

“You don’t look good. We should call it a night.”

Arm didn’t answer anything and Toptap proceeded checking the cut. “It’s better now, let’s ask Off for a band-aid.”

“Thank you.”

As he was provided with all kind of plasters and medicine, Off said loud: “Toptap you have to sleep over, it’s so late already!” Toptap nodded thankfully and Off continued. “But! I don’t have enough space, Arm does!”

Arm wanted to kill Off in that moment. He simply had no energy left for this now.

“That would be amazing, thanks Arm!”

Arm couldn’t withstand Toptap’s cute smile and smiled back, somewhat also being happy about this unexpected turn of events.

“Okay, then we’ll leave now. See you Off.”

“Yeah, thanks again for this, it was so much fun!”

Arm hugged Off after Toptap did, opened the door and stepped into the dark corridor. Then he started walking, feeling Toptap’s silent presence behind him. It was no bad silence but also not totally tension free.

“You have been here before, you okay?” Arm examined Toptap, who nodded. “Sure. I guess I will just quickly use the bathroom and then crash on the sofa.”

“Is the sofa okay? It’s leather and not so comfortable.”

Arm wanted to take his words back, not sure what he was even proposing. 

“I think I am okay, unless you are okay sharing your bed with me?”

Arm wanted to scream yes. He wanted to scream how much he wanted to share his bed with him and more. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”

Arm smiled and Toptap joined. “That’s very nice. I’ll be back quickly.”

So Toptap left for the bathroom and then Arm started panicking. Did he have a clean bed? Did he tidy up? He ran into his room and saw everything was as perfect as always. For once he was happy about his perfectionism.

He had some more minutes to calm down, check his wound and then he waited for Toptap.

“I love your bathroom! It’s very pretty.” 

Arm smiled and made his way into the bathroom as well. His body worked automatically and he was glad he knew his routine by heart. He tried to hurry, not wanting to let Toptap wait and so he was back within five minutes.

“Wow you are quick.”

“Just as usual.”

Arm saw Toptap was already in bed and he chose the right side! Arm had to control his thoughts and definitely he shouldn’t imagine Toptap living here and them being a sweet couple who went to bed after a long day…but of course he did.

“Hey Arm? Arm?” Arm looked to his right and noticed he indeed spaced out. “Sorry…must be the alcohol…tired and so.”

“No problem, let’s sleep soon.” Arm nodded and checked his phone, seeing Toptap was busy with his as well.

Arm saw a notification of Instagram saying Toptap posted something. Arm feeling a little embarrassed knowing this exact person was next to him, quickly clicked on it and saw a selfie Toptap had taken in Off’s flat. The interesting part though was the caption.

 _Are you okay?_ and a worried emoji.

Arm didn’t know what this meant. Toptap posted this just now, but what did he mean?

“Hey Toptap, what does you caption mean?” Arm was surprised about his calm voice, maybe his curiosity covered his nervousness.

“You. I mean you. You hurt yourself today and so I asked.” Toptap winked and turned to look at his own phone again.

Arm’s mouth was a little agape and he had to process this all first. Then he looked at the post again and commented.

_Good._

Actually Arm was feeling more than just good, rather he felt as if he could hug the whole world, but he couldn’t write that. Only a few minutes later, he received a notification.

_toptap_jirakit liked your comment: Good._

_toptap_jirakit commented: I feel relieved._

Arm heard a chuckle from his right and looked at Toptap who was already observing him.

“Watching you is fun! You look so surprised by my comments!”

Arm smiled back and didn’t say anything. He was not surprised itself but rather overwhelmed in a way. They were just publicly talking about how he was doing. Wasn’t this weird? What would the fans think…

“Anyway, you should post something too, the last time you did, was on my birthday and it wasn’t even related to me.” Toptap said it jokingly and Arm had to gather all his willpower to keep quiet and not answer what he wanted. _It was related to you._

But how should he explain to Toptap that a picture of him sucking at a straw with the caption ‘Just thirsty!’ was not only advertisement for Starbucks, but a very weird birthday wish, which meant that Arm was thirsty for Toptap? No way this would happen, so Arm nodded, checking his gallery for a picture of himself.

Shit, he had so many, but he wanted a cute one, maybe where he looked happy, because he was really happy right now. But also something hot, so that he could see if Toptap would react to it in any way.

“Found something?”

Arm shook his head and suddenly his phone was gone and Toptap was holding it.

“Wait, what…”

Arm couldn’t even react so quick and Toptap was scrolling already. Thankfully Arm had pictures of himself in a separate folder, plus his phone was clean anyway. His laptop was a total different kind of thing…

“This shooting looks good, take a picture there.” Toptap handed him his phone again and Arm was also happy with this choice. It was this topless shoot, just a private one with Arnon, but he didn’t use any of the pictures yet.

“Okay.” Arm chose the one who was taken upside down, making the post look more interesting. He hated choosing a caption, especially when he wanted to convey something as right now. But he shouldn’t. What should he write what said ‘I love Toptap’ without saying that in any way.

_Head upside down_

This was boring but he couldn’t think anymore.

“Ahaa cute!” Arm smiled as he saw that Toptap liked it immediately, obviously just waiting for Arm. 

“Thanks.”

“You still want to talk a little or sleep?” Toptap had such an amazing power on Arm. It was as if he was attacking him with cuteness and Arm had nothing to fight it.

“Talk.” Arm didn’t want to stop this moment ever, although he felt really bad and tired now.

“Okay. But if you want to sleep, please tell me, you look so drained.”

Arm hated it. He hated it when he looked bad and especially now he wanted look stunning to impress Toptap. “I also feel very exhausted.” Arm didn’t know why he said it, but Toptap’s reaction made him definitely not regret it.

Because Toptap looked at him compassionately and petted his head.

Arm felt the strong hand run through his hair and a shiver ran down his spine.

“You always work so much, do you get enough rest?”

“Yes it’s okay, I just-” Arm stopped himself, he wanted to say he was also emotionally hurting, but then Toptap would ask and if Arm didn’t say anything than Toptap could think that Arm didn’t trust him enough, which wasn’t the case at all, but how should he know and Arm really didn’t want this.

“You can talk to me if you want.”

“I know and I trust you a lot, this is nothing to worry. Thank you.” Arm still felt Toptap’s hand on his head and reached out, to put his own hand over Toptap’s. For a millisecond he put it there, when Arm realized he couldn’t do this and quickly made it look as if he just reached out to pull Toptap away.

They never stopped their eye contact and so Arm could see confusion on Toptap’s face as soon as he pulled him away.

“Good night Toptap.” 

Arm smiled weakly and laid down, his back towards Toptap.

He heard the younger one lay down comfortably shortly after and fought the urge to turn around.

This was too much. Arm felt his heart bursting, of happiness but also deep despair. He didn’t know how to do this. He was so close to Toptap, he could have made him some compliments or ask him to do something in their free time together or…so much more.

But Arm knew he was not good at this, would blow this up, this friendship they could develop now, and rather stepped back before getting hurt.


	73. Apology (24) POV Joss

Joss was not himself anymore. Finally this lockdown ended and for the first time in a while he felt he could breathe again. The time at home was not bad itself, he had great company and was never really bored, but it wasn’t his thing. Inside everything was always so sticky and small and he missed the sunlight, the fresh air he always enjoyed when jogging and of course all his friends.

But the thing that kept him from breathing the most these weeks was the lack of Tay Tawan. Joss didn’t know when things went downwards, but they lost contact at some point.  
Joss knew it was his fault, he should have called daily, he should have not spent so much time with his roomies playing videogames and also sport should not have taken a bigger role than Tay, his lovely Tay.

Joss just hoped Tay would answer his message soon. He was on his way to GMMTV building and wanted to see Tay badly, they needed to talk, he needed to tell him that he loved him and ask if Tay still felt the same.

Such a situation was not easy for any couple, Joss thought. But he could have done better, that was out of question and now he just hoped it wasn’t too late.

As he walked inside the building, he instantly felt happier. Although this all wasn’t so long, it felt like an eternity. 

“Hey Joss! You good?” The receptionist asked and Joss just nodded, his forced smile being hidden by his mask anyway. After his temperature was taken, Joss took the elevator and just hoped to find Tay at his usual spot with Arm. Off and Gun should also be here, being scheduled for rehearsals for the fan meet. 

Joss checked his phone again and saw that in the meantime Tay saw his message but didn’t answer yet. Joss felt a headache rise and tried not to be too rough to the people greeting him. They couldn’t know about his problem right now and so he felt sorry if he bawled at them.

“Arm!” Joss burst into the room as he saw his older friend. “Is Tay here? I need to see him.”

As Joss came closer, he got a better view of everyone in the room and there he was, sitting on the floor near the other desk, about to crawl under it.

“Tay! What-…?” Tay looked shocked, stood up and ran out of the room. Joss didn’t immediately run after him, being frozen in confusion. Then he asked: “Was Tay hiding from me?!” Arm just turned around and was suddenly busy with some sheets, so Joss quickly ran after Tay.

“Tay! Taaay?” The corridors were kind of empty so he followed the few sounds he could here in the respective offices, asking everyone if they saw Tay passing by. It seemed all ganged up against him because nobody seemed to have seen Tay. 

Or did Tay really not pass anywhere?

That could only mean that Tay immediately turned into the girl’s toilet next to the room, he and Arm were in before. Joss went back and for a moment he hesitated entering but eventually it wouldn’t be a problem, all being vacant anyway.

“Tay?” Joss said loudly and the silent intaking of breath he heard from one of the stalls, was answer enough. “Tay, please I’m sorry. Can we talk?”

Why was Tay running away? What did he think this would help for?

“Tay Tawan open this door!” Joss knew he sounded harsh, but he wouldn’t give up today. This was not the same as getting ignored online, this was real life and he wanted to talk now.

“Okay sorry-” Tay said silently and Joss heard the chain unlock, but no one exited. So Joss pushed the door open and entered.

Tay looked afraid.

Why the heck was Tay afraid?!

“Tay, I- what is going on??” Joss didn’t know if he should approach or if that would be contra productive. Gladly Tay took the initiative and moved towards him. Slowly he sneaked closer until he was pressed himself into Joss’ chest.

“I got you.” Joss felt his heart ache as Tay started weeping. He pulled Tay even closer, embracing his smaller friend, who seemed so fragile in that moment. “I got you Tay and won’t let you go again.”

Joss placed a kiss on the Tay’s messy hair and started rubbing his back. 

After a while Tay calmed himself and also Joss felt steady again, having actually been really overwhelmed by all of this as well.

“I’m sorry Joss.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, it’s my fault. I was not caring enough about you, I should-”

“No. I mean maybe? But it was not easy for anybody.”

Joss pulled their foreheads together, finally able to breath again as he and Tay shared the air between them. Tay still seemed to not be totally relieved yet and Joss tried to read his worried expression.

“Talk to me please.”

“If you…if you feel different…if you don’t want me anymore then I understand it, but-” A loud sob escaped Tay. “-I still love you so much…don’t leave me please…”

What was Tay saying?

“Tay, shhhh-…” Joss pulled him close again. “I want you. I need you. I am sorry for making you think something changed these weeks. I was an asshole, I fully realize now when I hear you saying this nonsense…Tay, I love you.”

Another sob from Tay, this time paired with a smile, so just tears of relief.

“Thanks…”

“Don’t always thank me, you deserve it, no matter what you think.” 

Then Joss gently pulled Tay’s face upwards and leaned down, finally wanting to taste Tay again. The kiss felt as if they were never apart but also as if they didn’t do this in forever.

Tay pulled away after a while. “We are in a toilet, that’s gross.”

“That is right, let’s rather go somewhere else, shall we?” Joss had a smirk on his face and put forth his hand. Tay smiled and grabbed it happily.

“I need to let Arm know I am okay and leave with you, be right back.”

Tay indeed ran back into the room and left Joss standing there, being all happy and confused.

“Cute.” Joss spun around and saw Singto standing there.

“Oh hi Singto!”

“Don’t be so shocked, I observed you running around looking for Tay earlier and am glad you found your man.” Joss stared dumbly at his colleague, who just winked and patted his shoulder, before heading again towards the others at the end of the floor.

Wait a moment. Where he and Tay open? Well not to everyone but did their friends know?

“Hey Joss?” Tay was snipping in front of his face to pull him out of his thoughts. “Let’s leave okay?”

“Sure.” They went towards the elevators and Joss saw all the people who looked at them and waved goodbye with a smile on their face. They all seemed to know.

Joss tried to figure out on the way to his car if that would be a problem for Tay. He himself would tell everyone, he didn’t care. He knew it must continue to be a secret for the public of course, but the rest, he didn’t care. He really wanted to take Tay home one day, so his family could get to know Tay better. Get to know him as his boyfriend.

“Joss…shall we start?”

“Yeah sorry, I was lost in my thoughts. Your place?” Tay nodded.

The streets were rather empty, many people still not going out without an important reason and so they arrived quickly at Tay’s condo.

“It’s a mess in there, I didn’t expect any visitors.” 

Joss had to laugh. “You know that I like your mess.”

“Idiot.” Tay grinned and pulled Joss inside and onto the couch, before making it himself comfortable on his lap. “Let’s sit like this for a while, okay?”

Joss would do anything Tay wanted at this moment. “Of course, all I need is you right now.”

Joss pulled his boyfriend’s body closer and couldn’t stop himself from exploring him with his hands as if he never touched something as precious as Tay. The older one placed his head on Joss’ shoulder, burying his face in his neck. Then he started whispering: “I don’t want us to be apart again. I thought I did something wrong, you didn’t answer and I didn’t want to seem pushy…I had no idea if it was normal for a relationship under these circumstances…”

“No, it’s not, I should have cared more about you. I don’t know what happened. I am so sorry. Also you have any right to doubt me. Damn, I doubt myself. I know I love you and I need you, but I simply couldn’t process everything in this lockdown.” Joss felt a lump in his throat.

“It’s okay. Let’s just see if it works. I really want it to work though…”

“Me too! Believe me…me too, more than anything else.”

Tay looked up then. “Ok, so…I was wondering if you wanted to you move in here with me then? In case things get worse again, at least we are together.”

“You know that people will notice that?”

“I don’t care. Well we need to be a little careful with fans, but the rest is all fine for me.”

Joss couldn’t believe how lucky he was, having this cute and handsome and hot and funny and dorky guy in his arms and was being asked to move in with him in his messy apartment. He couldn’t be happier. “I will. Right now!”

“I guess tomorrow will also be fine!” Tay laughed and it was the first one coming from his heart Joss heard today. “Now we have other things to do!”

Joss bit his lip and asked innocently: “And what would that be?”

“Eat something!” Tay said seriously and added: “I am hungry.”

Joss’ expression must have been visibly confused because Tay immediately hit his arm and grinned.

“You decide what I eat though…” Tay flushed a little at this and Joss hoped Tay would never lose this little shyness he had left when they talked about sex. It was too adorable.

“If that’s the case, then the chef recommends today some hot, hard di-”

“Joooooss!! I am blushing… damn why am I so embarrassed?”

“I don’t know, but it’s cute. Now come, food is waiting.” Joss grabbed Tay under his ass and carried the giggling guy into his bedroom, wanting to show him how much he loved and adored him. Joss needed to make up all the shit he did and show Tay he deserved all the happiness in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the fact that there are only two chapters left and after checking my notes, I realised we won't meet OffGun anymore in this extra story, only maybe mentioned by Tay or Arm in the last chapter. LOL. But don't be sad, you will get a special of them (actually there are two specials of this story coming) ;D


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